Mass Effect: We Were Born To Die
by xXCariLynnXx
Summary: The crew of the Normandy attempting to survive hostile unknown lands after the Mass Relays are destroyed, people begin to change, as friends become enemies, and Shepard and Garrus try to figure out where things lead them.
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

It was time for the final push, their last stance against the reapers. Everyone stood and looked at the beam in front of them, they knew that this was it, they knew that if no one made it, there would be no more hope. When the order was given, every soldier ran towards that beam with determination, none of them faltered.

Shepard, Garrus, and James soon took the lead of the pack striving to achieve what they have wanted to since the beginning, to destroy the reapers and send their asses into hell. Seeing the small army began to travel, Harbinger let out a mechanic growl as it began to fire its laser at them.

The Reaper fired its powerful beam, razing the Earth as it made contact and began to travel toward the charging opposition. Sweeping past Shepard, the devastating weapon annihilated three Alliance soldiers as it continued unimpeded, the determined Commander not even looking back as The Reaper's attack continued, easily disposing of a Mako unit and four more soldiers before the concentrated energy finally dissipated. It didn't seem like anyone was getting anywhere, no one was making ground. Harbinger then turned, causing the ground to quake as it looked directly at Shepard, letting out another metallic snarl before firing once more.

The beam collided with the Earth only a mere ten feet away from Shepard, quickly racing toward her as she unhesitantly charged toward it, Garrus' eyes widen as his mouth gaped open as he watched on in horror. His heart began to race as reality seemed to be happening in slow motion, even the distance screams became nothing more than background noise.

Shepard had froze, lifting her arm to shield her eyes from the bright red light that was fast approaching. His pace quickened as he tried to catch up to her, pushing soldiers and shooting husks along the way.

"ZIVA MOVE!"

Just then James grabbed the Turian's neck armor trying to pull him away from the blast, but it was too late. They were all in the crossfire as it sent them flying backwards knocking them both out cold.

* * *

><p>James' eyes fluttered open, he wasn't sure how much time has passed but he knew he needed to get in contact with the Normandy. Slowly he began to stand, using his assault rifle for support. Clenching his jaw, pain began to shoot through his body, feeling as if it were littered with pointy needles.<p>

"Normandy come in... we need... an extraction"

He said weakly as he took in his surroundings.

The line was nothing but static, causing him to shake his head and pound his ear piece with the palm of his hand.

Looking at the piles of rubble and scorched Earth around him, he began to wonder if everything Shepard strived for, everything they had accomplished was for nothing. Taking in a deep breath, he leaned against a large piece of concrete.

"Normandy we need an extraction, come in..."

He called out but again there was nothing but static.

Groaning in annoyance, he called out again.

"Normandy come..."

James was cut short when he heard a groan behind him, his head snapped toward the source of the noise, looking over his shoulder cautiously as he lifted his rifle. Taking a deep breath he turned, gun raised ready to shoot, but when he saw who it was, he slowly put his rifle down and began to walk over to Garrus, sighing in relief.

"Normandy we still need that extraction"

James looked up to the skies as he offered his hand to the Turian, Garrus just stared at it, his face shown signs of hopelessness, disappointment, and to be honest he wanted to punch James into next week. If he would have just let him go then maybe he could have gotten to Shepard in time, pulled her out of the way.

"I could have saved her..."

Garrus said in almost a whisper, his gaze falling to the distance. James looked at him, his eyes narrowed slightly. He didn't like this any better than he did but sitting around blaming yourself wasn't the answer.

"Then what?"

James asked Garrus with a shrug as his face became stern,

Slowly Garrus looked over at the soldier meeting his gaze.

"Do you think she would have wanted you dead beside her?"

Vega asked as he pointed in the direction of where they both saw Shepard last.

"Do you think that would have made her happy? She knew there were bigger things at stake here, she doesn't need you to make a sacrifice out of your self."

Garrus slowly got back up to his feet, looking around at all the destruction. Bodies from both oppositions and various rubble and debris littered the area. Deep, scorched, smoking craters snaked along the ground as well, marking the paths Harbinger's powerful attacks had travelled. As he surveyed the destruction, Garrus knew James was right, however. Ziva wouldn't want him to throw his life away, even if it was for her.

Straightened up, he almost didn't want to look where he last saw her, but he had to, and when he did his eyes began to search the ground as the look of confusion took over his face.

Slowly, he began to walk over to where she was. There were multiple remains and devastated bodies of Alliance soldiers, but Shepard's body wasn't among them.

"Where's... Shepard?"

He asked, agony playing at his voice.

The question made James look around, and he couldn't believe it himself. The beam hit her, he saw it but her body... was...

Shaking his head he began to wonder if it was even possible for Shepard to survive the blast and continue forth.

"I... I don't know"

James then chuckled.

"Maybe Lola is a bit loco."

Garrus couldn't help but laugh slightly as he looked back towards the beam, it gave him hope that maybe just maybe...

"Shore party *static* mandy, what's your position?"

Lifting up his hand Garrus pressed in his ear piece,

" We're by the conduit, seems calm... for now."

" ETA five minu...*STATIC* Shepard al*static* ight?"

chuckling slightly, the image of Shepard storming the gates of hell still fresh in his mind,

"Your guess is as good as mine,"

Following the beam up with his eyes he exhaled a relaxing breath, before he and the soldier began to search the bodies that were scattered around them. They looked for any signs of life, but the only thing they could really offer was comfort, and give them hope that their families would be able to see tomorrow.

It was strange though, the way Harbinger retreated, taking its abominations with him. But if it thought it killed every one, even Shepard, then what would be the point in staying around?

Hearing a faint whistle in the sky, James and Garrus both looked up to see the Normandy coming in for a landing. They began to walk towards the massive ship until they began to hear a peculiar wong sound coming from the beam behind them.

"Jeff, we must hurry, the conduit is over loading and the blast could become... problematic"

Joker looked at EDI strangely as she sat in the 'co-pilot' seat, his eyebrow raised as she sounded more like Mordin but then again maybe it was best that she spared them the details.

" Hey could you guys pick it up a bit? Because apparently we are now in a red zone of total destruction... like we weren't before but I'm sure you get the gist of it."

James looked over at Garrus as he pointed back towards the Normandy with his thumb.

"Does he always have to state the obvious?"

His comment carried more of an annoyed tone than anything else as the Turian shook his head and snickered.

"You'll get used to it."

As the ramp lowered, James and Garrus were ready to board the Normandy until the scenery around them became illuminated by an intense white glow. Slowly, they began to turn around to see the beam pulsating, they couldn't look away from it, it was hypnotizing.

Joker cried out to tell them; to hurry their asses up, but they were too distracted to pay any mind. Soon, the light extended outward like there was a massive explosion, but without the noise, nor the chaos. Covering their eyes with their forearms, the light became too much to bare, causing them to close their eyes tightly.

Soon, the light simply diminished, causing them both to lower their arms as they tried to focus their eyes. The once clear path that laid before them was now full of rubble from the Citadel. The two men took a step forward, James looking up to the stars mouth opened.

"Oh, _Dios_"

Garrus heart sank realizing the worst had come. James looked over at him sympathetically before he tried to guide him up the ramp, putting a comforting hand on his shoulder, but Garrus shrugged it off.

The hope that Garrus was once carrying was lost.

* * *

><p>Ziva laid among the debris, unconscious, her breathing...nonexistent. Suddenly her eyes shot open as she gasped, her lungs flooding with precious oxygen. She felt weak as she slowly took in her surroundings. Swallowing hard she looked up and all she could see was the Moon above, looking down upon her.<p>

A small smile graced her face as she slowly attempted to sit up, but then realized her arm was caught and her legs were trapped under large pieces of concrete. With her free hand, she tried to move the debris off of her but the pieces were too heavy, and she was too weak to use her biotics.

Laying back down, she looked back up to the Moon, her mind attempting to devise a way to free herself. If she was back in London then maybe... Closing her eyes memories of Garrus began to flood her mind.

* * *

><p><em>"Take that last chance to find some calm just before the storm. You know me, always like to savor that last shot before popping the heat sink. "<em>

_ *giggle*_

_" Wait... that metaphor just went somewhere horrible."_

_ "I couldn't do this without you, Garrus."_

_ "Sure you could. Not as stylishly, of course."_

_ " I love you Garrus..."_

_"forgive the insubordination, but your boyfriend has an order for you, come back alive, it'd be an awful empty galaxy without you..."_

* * *

><p>She exhaled heavily with a sigh..<p>

"Garrus"

Her voice was nothing more than a whisper as she slowly opened her eyes, static playing at her ear piece, laced with the sound of Garrus' voice. Turning her head, she began to wonder if he was anywhere close by. He had to be if she could hear him threw the com.

Taking in a deep breath, she gathered all the strength she had letting out a loud yet strained yell, hoping that he would hear her in her desperation.

"GARRUS!"

* * *

><p>The hatch was about to close until Garrus stopped in his tracks, 'did someone just say his name?' he wondered as he slowly turned around looking back up at the rubble.<p>

"Did... did you hear that?"

James looked at him as he began to walk forward, his eyes searching their surroundings.

" All I'm hearing is the ringing in my ears and some..."

"I'm detecting vital signs within the rubble..."

EDI interrupted him,

She continued to explain but it seemed that was all Garrus needed to hear as he continued forth with determination as he spoke her name softly.

"Shepard..."'

James just shook his head realizing how stubborn the Turian was, from the looks of the rubble laying around them it didn't seem like anyone would have been able to survive, let alone Shepard, and even with Edi's reinsurance that there might be a chance, James just continued to board the Normandy.

The artificial Intelligence began to warn Garrus that they didn't have much time, but it seemed his mind was already made up.

" Where's it coming from EDI?"

EDI transmitted him the coordinates of the life form as Joker reminded him of the time restraint, like he didn't know already, but any minute now the Alliance was going to come in and destroy everything around them, even them if necessary.

Walking up to a large pile of debris, Garrus took a few deep breaths before letting out a strained groan as he began to lift the pieces of rubble, pushing them, or throwing them to the side. Soon she became visible, her armor was nonexistent, her sun kissed skin was covered in blood, seeing her like this broke his heart. His brow plates narrowed in a worrying way as he placed his hand over her cheek and spoke softly,

"Don't worry Shepard, I'm going to get you out of here."

There was one last piece that was holding her down, keeping her from him, but no matter how hard he tried he couldn't budge it enough to free her.

He was about to give up, ready to tell the Normandy to just go and leave him, but as he began to lower the heavy steel, the weight was lifted off his shoulders. Looking over, he saw James standing there, holding the other side with a smirk plastered on his face.

"What? You thought I was going to give you all the credit for saving Commander Shepard?"

Garrus couldn't help but chuckle as they both lifted, finally moving the steel to the side allowing the Turian to scoop her up in his arms.

"Trust me when I tell the story? It's gonna be all me."

James laughed at Garrus' reply as they walked back up to the ship,

"What ever you say, Scars"

As they began to walk back up to the ship, Shepard's eyes slowly opened as she looked up to see Garrus. A faint smile took over her lips as she lifted her hand, placing it on his cheek. The sudden graze startled him as he looked down upon her.

"Never..."

She said softly to him as her thumb caressed his cheek,

Leaning his head down towards hers he swallowed hard,

"Never"

With that said, her hand slowly fell from his cheek, her soft smile faded before she fell limp in his arms...


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter One: New Hope**

The sound of birds chirping plagued at Shepard's ears, the distant songs causing her to stir from her slumber as her eyes fluttered open. Tilting her head to the side, she began to take in her surroundings as the smell of medi gel and other chemicals quickly began to fill her nostrils, tainted with smoke. Even the taste of metal teased her taste buds, causing her to rub her tongue against the roof of her mouth as she slowly sat up from her bed.

When her vision cleared, she could tell that she was in the Normandy's med-bay 'but how,' she wondered. Was what she did all just a dream? Just some hallucination? Or, perhaps she did succeed. Nothing was truly clear at this point, as she was still attempting to shake off her grogginess from awakening.

Pressing a palm against her forehead she turned to let her feet dangle off the side of the bed as she tried to piece everything together. Her memory was scattered. Visions of the carnage that surrounded her as she raced toward the beam up to the Conduit. She could even remember how intense the heat from Harbinger's beam was as it raced by her. But, she couldn't seem to piece together enough to have it make any did remember Garrus' face though, looking down on her.

A soft smile appeared on her face as she began to get lost in her thoughts.

"Commander?"

A voice came from in front of her. It seemed a bit surprised, like they couldn't believe what they were seeing. It was hard to distinguish whose voice it was, so many of them running through her mind. Shaking her head, Ziva tried to shake the cobwebs off and try to focus.

"Shepard, are you alright?"

Shepard slowly began to look up, her vision still slightly blurred as her mind remained in a haze, but not to the point where she couldn't recognize the person who was standing before her.

"Karin?"

As a sigh of relief left the doctor's mouth, she walked over to Shepard, examining her with her eyes from head to toe. She was beginning to worry about her friend, especially since she has been out for more than two weeks now, causing some of her companions to wonder if they should take her off life support. But, Garrus persisted that they didn't bother unless she was clinically brain dead.

"How are you feeling?"

The question echoed through Shepard's mind, fading each time she heard it. Opening her eyes wide, trying to snap out of what ever trance she was in. The world around her seemed to fade into nothingness as her mind pulled her into some abysmal trench within her own consciousness. She wasn't lost in any sort of thought, it was just as if her mind froze for a moment as her eyes carried that thousand mile stare; looking off into nothingness. She finally took a deep breath as she suddenly snapped back into reality, her eyes frantically blinking a few times as she quickly attempted to regain her mental bearings before she finally began to answer the question.

"Groggy, confused... I have these images in my head, but nothing... nothing makes any sense"

Chakwas had a sort of smile on her face remembering the time Shepard was knocked out cold by the Prothean beacon back on Eden Prime. Even then she could make out some of the details of the event, and she had faith the Commander could do it now.

"Why don't you tell me what you do remember."

Gathering her thoughts, Shepard opened her mouth slightly as Chakwas brought out her omni tool and began to run some tests, checking her implants, her vitals...

"I remember a light... a bright white light. Bodies...everywhere."

Her head began to pound in a million different places as she pressed her right palm on her forehead. Her eyes closed as flashes of images started to take over. Ziva heard the doctor call out to her, but it was faint, drowned out in the sea of disembodied whispers that also began to call out. It kept repeating over and over until she felt the doctor's hand on her shoulder snapping her out of her visions.

All of a sudden, Shepard's eyes snapped open.

"Where's EDI? EDI!"

The commanders breath started to become frantic as she called out to the AI, but there was no response. Panic took over her and it took all of the doctors strength to hold her still.

"She is gone commander,"

Hearing those words caused Shepard to stop struggling instantaneously as she looked in the doctors faded green eyes, desperately trying to find any signs of deception.

"She went off line soon after we crashed,"

Shepard grew still, as she looked passed the doctor as guilt began to overwhelm her.

"Crashed?"

Her voice was quiet, as she tried to absorb everything in.

Karin began to fiddle with her fingers feeling nervous about answering the question. The doctor swallowed hard, taking a deep breath she knew it was best that Shepard knew what happened, knowing she wouldn't want to be left in the dark.

"Admiral Hackett wanted us to clear the area so they could stop anything from using the Conduit to get to you. When Garrus found you... "

The doctor's voice sadden as the image of her friend's tattered and torn lifeless body, covered in burns and blood was still fresh in her mind.

"We were ordered to take you off world, and to the nearest medical facility. We were heading to Eden Prime, and that's when the Charon Mass Relay began to malfunction. Joker tried his best to distance us away from it, but when it exploded, it caused some sort of wormhole. It sucked us in and that's when we landed... god knows where."

As Chakwas looked through a small hole in the wall that lead to the outside world, tears began to stream down Shepard's cheek. Was this her doing? Was all this because of her decision? Maybe destroying all synthetics wasn't the best option. If she had chosen control or synthesis, maybe they wouldn't be trapped on some unknown world. Instead they would be trapped on Earth at the very least, and EDI and the Geth would still be alive.

Shepard began to weep, as she bent forward covering her face with her hands.

* * *

><p>"This is just...<em> ridículo<em>"

James snorted as he frustratedly kicked a rock across the grassy field. Ever since they landed on this god forsaken planet. They hadn't had any luck finding any resources or food for that matter, and every one knew that they were going to run out eventually, and that's when the real trouble would begin.

"It could be worse..."

Garrus groaned slightly as he sat down on a nearby rock. He was still healing from a gunshot wound to the hip. He wasn't sure when he got it, but it made sitting down almost unbearable.

The Turian then laughed.

"Then again, it could be better, but at least we have breathable air, nice scenery, and hopefully enough supplies to last us until we find some kind of supplement."

As Garrus looked at all the vast forestry around him, he knew he wouldn't last long once his food supply was gone. He would be one of the first to starve to death, as Tali would probably be right there with him. Having a dextro-amino digestive system meant they couldn't share the same type rations as the rest of their crew, they had their own form of nourishment to survive on. In this case, it was both a blessing and a curse. From the looks of it though, he seemed to be the only one who was keeping optimistic.

Tali had been grieving, which was understandable. Her race had finally gotten their home world back, and she couldn't even enjoy it, let alone start building her home she always wanted. Liara on the other hand decided that this was going to be her home. Already she was looking for a site where they could start a colony, but the more he thought about it the more he began to believe that Liara was trying to make up for Thessia.

"Yeah, but come on. Look around you."

James gestured with his hand at the scenery around them. It looked like the Garden of Eden at first glance, but the reality of their situation made this more of like the bowels of Hell.

"We have been stranded here for like, what? Two weeks? No matter how far we go in either direction, everything is the same. Same damn trees, plants... you know as well as I do we're all going to end up starving to death, maybe even turning to cannibalism just to survive."

Garrus just looked at James, wondering if he was going to throw raping women and killing for dominance in there somewhere. He never understood why humans would go to such extreme measures under survival situations.

"I really don't see things going that dark."

Slowly getting up from his resting position, Garrus let out an agonizing sigh, knowing it was time for them to get back to home base before the sun went down. Besides, he needed to make sure that Shepard was still breathing.

"Lets get back to the Normandy, we'll come back here tomorrow and hopefully we'll find something useful."

James huffed as he began to follow Garrus up the trail of bright orange markers they left behind to lead them back to the ruined Normandy, and to mark where they had been previously. No need looking in the same place more than once, just ends up being a waste of time and they were running out of it.

"You going to go see Ziva after this?"

James asked as he stepped over a log causing a slight strain in his voice as he tried to catch up to Garrus.

"Oh, of course, I just know she'll find your theory on how this all turns out very amusing."

Garrus' answer caught James off guard. Last he knew, Shepard was still unconscious, so how was she even...

Before his thoughts continued Garrus spoke up as though he already knew what James was thinking.

"Every time I mention how crazy your getting and your theories of how this will all go down, she smiles, or at least I think it is a smile."

Garrus stopped in his tracks for a moment, thinking about it more carefully as he could swear he had seen her smile. Then again, he could have been imagining her smiling. Shaking his head, he continued forth.

"I think she smiled the biggest when I told her how you were going to become our ruler and all the women were going to run to you for your DNA. It probably made her dream of you as a Krogan, or made her think of Wrex...hmm, um, heh, not sure which is more disturbing..."

Hearing this, Vega couldn't help but smile as he nudged his friend with his elbow.

"Or maybe she was smiling because she was first in line. You know, me and Lola had something going."

Garrus couldn't help but laugh, he heard about the flirting between the two of them, mostly from Cortez but it was never something he troubled himself with. Besides from what he heard "Lola" didn't seem all that impressed.

"Yeah, then when she called you out on it-"

"Garrus are you there?"

A female's voice came over Garrus' earpiece

"-you coward like a Quarian with a belly ache"

James continued up the trail ahead of Garrus, his cheeks a few shades redder than before. Garrus shook his head and smiled as best as a Turian could before he answered his com link. Vega was a good guy, but once in awhile he needed to be taken down a notch.

"Liara, it went the same as any other day. I told you I would contact you if there were any changes."

He spoke with a hint of annoyance in his tone.

Every day it was the same: she would ask if they've found anything, anything she could analyze, or study. He wasn't sure if she was growing bored, or if she was that worried about their situation. Maybe she was doing what most were doing, just keeping busy to keep their minds off what seemed to be the inevitable.

"She's up Garrus."

Garrus froze in place wondering if he heard the Asari correctly. His eyes began to search the area as though he was making sure no one else was listening.

"She's up? Are you sure?"

"Doctor Chakwas said she woke up about an hour ago. Everything seems normal, but..."

Everything after the 'but' seemed to escape Garrus. He was a bit agitated as he folded his right arm across his sternum, his left hand pinched his nose slightly as he shook his head frustrated. It seemed like every one liked to leave him out of the loop lately.

"When she woke up I was suppose to be the first to know, T'soni, not the last."

Liara could hear the anger and frustration in his voice, and she could understand where it was coming from. But now wasn't the time to be angry, for Shepard's sake.

"I'm sorry Garrus, I only found out because I walked in on them. If it helps no one else knows. Chakwas thinks its for the best. She asked for you Garrus."

Hearing that she had asked for him made his face light up. He always wondered if she would remember anything, him even. When people slip into a coma, there is a chance they could wake up not remembering who they are or even remember the familiar faces around them, if they were to wake up at all.

"I'll be right there,"

His steps now found a little more spring to them as he began to follow Vega up the narrow path that lead back to the Normandy, to her.

* * *

><p>Garrus stared through the the med-bay glass, watching Ziva as she sat on her medical bed. She seemed so distant as she hunched over, seemingly fiddling with her fingers. Sighing, he placed his hand against the glass. He wanted to go inside and touch her, feel her warm skin against his, and take in her scent. But he had to follow doctors orders, and wait for instructions.<p>

As the doctor approached him he growled in a low tone.

"An hour? Really?"

Clearing her throat she stood beside him, feeling a bit more nervous now than she did before. The tests she did on Shepard uncovered a few unexpected surprises, some could even say they are near impossible.

"I'm sorry, Garrus, but I had to make sure she was stable enough to be up for the task..."

As her voice trailed off Garrus raising his plated brow as he looked over at Chakwas. What did she think he was going to do? Just run in there and ravish her? The idea may have crossed his mind a few times, but still, simply to just assume.

Looking at the Turian, she knew something was amiss and soon she closed her eyes waving her hands in front of her.

"Of handling visitors."

Pinching the bridge of her nose, Karin took a deep breathe before gesturing towards Shepard with her free hand.

"Her blood pressure is a bit high right now, especially after I told her what had happened. I think she feels guilty and blames herself for what has happened."

"I don't see how any of this could be her fault, we were following orders."

Looking down she knew that, but Chakwas didn't think that is what she was blaming herself for.

"I know, but I don't think that is what is bothering her. I tried asking her, but she wouldn't talk to me. She didn't even make a single peep when I ran my tests. It was like she wasn't even there."

Sighing, Garrus' heart began to ache for her. This war must have been taking it's toll, and waking up in the middle of uncharted land? She must be having a tough time wrapping her head around everything.

"You... want me to talk to her? See if I can get anything?"

Chakwas went to say something, but she decided that maybe it should wait for another time.

"Anything you could do, I would be grateful, and seeing you may turn her around. You were the only one she asked for."

She then looked back at Shepard who was still sitting in her own little world.

"Probably the only one she'll talk to."

Garrus examined Karin's face for a moment before looking back over at Shepard. He didn't know why he was beginning to feel nervous, probably because he wasn't sure what to say or how to comfort her. Usually, him comforting her lead to them both naked in her-their bed.

"Oh, and Garrus?"

"Hmm?"

Garrus looked back at Chakwas, who was now standing behind him.

"When you're finished, could you meet me in the mess hall?"

He thought about it for a second, trying not to worry about it too much, but usually when a doctor wants to speak privately, it was usually a bad sign.

"Yeah, I can do that"

When he left the viewing glass, the doctor watched him as he entered inside the med-bay. She never seen Garrus so tense, except when he came to her to ask about the human anatomy. She didn't even get an answer out before he just decided to drop the subject and went back to doing calibrations.

Garrus walked inside the room, and the first thing he noticed was her scent. That intoxicating scent that somehow drew him mad, causing his mandibles too twitch slightly. Stopping in his tracks he cleared his throat, trying to clear whatever intentions he had in his mind. 'This wasn't the time nor was it the place' he reminded himself as he tried to smooth over his urges.

Shepard had already turned her head after being slightly startled at the sound of his voice. A small smile appeared on her face as she looked at him, it seemed so long since she had seen him last.

"Garrus."

Her voice was weak with a hint of sadness to it,

Shepard's voice caused Garrus to pursue her, taking a seat beside her, and taking her hand in his before looking deep in her sapphire eyes.

"I'm here."

Her smile began to tremble as she leaned forward burying her head into his shoulder as she began to cry. He embraced her, rather it was due to instinct or what, he never recalled seeing Shepard like this before. It sort of caught him off guard, but it seemed like he was doing the right thing.

Garrus held her like that for about an hour, stroking her raven hair from time to time until she finally pushed him away and began to actually talk to him. Her talking seemed more of a confession as she told him everything from Anderson, to the Illusive man, and about the catalyst; the decisions she had to make.

This was even hard for him to understand. She had told him about the boy from earth, and how she couldn't do anything to save him, and the recurring nightmares she would constantly have about this child. She was helpless to stop him from being swallowed by flames. But, to have the catalyst take its form? This was all very confusing. As he tried to figure things out for himself, Shepard had managed to move away from him, having her back now facing him.

"Its my fault... everything. The Mass Relays, EDI's death, the Geth... and for what? I should have just controlled the Reapers, even synthesizing organic life with synthetic. Anything would have been better than this."

From what it sounded like, no matter what she did she would have ended up destroying the Mass Relays, leaving everyone stranded as they are now. There was no evidence that she was the reason why EDI went offline, no reason for any of them to even believe that the Geth were no longer with them.

"No."

Garrus knew that nothing would have been better than this, even with the explanations she gave him it seemed to him that she made the right choice, and she wouldn't be able to convince him otherwise.

"No matter what you decided nothing would have changed, except the chances of me seeing you again."

Placing a comforting hand on her shoulder he began to rub it lightly, something she has done for him on more than one occasion. He still found it amazing what her small fragile hands could do, and how they could make him feel.

"You're better than the Illusive man and the Reapers. If it was me up there I would have done the same damn thing. I know its hard to kill people that you care for, but.."

His nostrils flared a bit as he tried to choose his words as carefully as possible.

"The Geth, EDI... they knew what was at stake, and they were already prepared to give their lives for the greater good. They would have respected your decision, and I know that they would have been proud of you."

Scooting towards her more, he leaned forward so his mouth was close to her ear, keeping his voice low as these words were just for her to hear.

"You have to know that not all is lost. You don't even know if the reason why EDI went offline was because of you, or because of the crash, and hell, the Geth are probably still on Earth helping rebuild, you don't know."

Looking over her shoulder, she began to wonder if Garrus was right. His words made her feel a bit better, but something inside her knew that the catalyst wasn't lying about the results of her decision. So to her, EDI going offline couldn't have been a coincidence.

She had to many friends as it was that sacrificed themselves for the greater good. Thane, Mordin, Legion, and they did it voluntarily while she volunteered the Geth, EDI, all synthetic life without even consulting them.

It reminded her of destroying that relay in Bartarian space. She tried to warn them, but it was too late. Thousands of people died, a race almost lost due to her decision, and now this.

Shepard's gaze fell to the hole in the wall that Chakwas was looking out earlier in the day, she watched as the wind blew through the trees and it helped her remember something her and Garrus once talked about when discussing Palaven.

"Sacrifice a hundred to save a million?"

Garrus laughed slightly as he scooted closer to her, wrapping his arm around her waist allowing her to lean back into him. It was moments like these that he missed about her, these small moments where it seemed like they could just sit down and catch a breath. It would seem they would get a lot of those moments now, and he was going to savor each and every one of them.

"I think it was more one thousand, eight hundred and thirty eight? Nine? To save a billion? Give or take a few."

He was happy to hear her laugh again even if it was strained.

"So what have I missed?"

It was obvious that she was changing the subject, and since he didn't want to push her, he decided to answer her question as best he could.

"Well..."

He began trying to do his best to catch her up with everything that has been happening since they landed. Although, he wasn't sure what everyone was doing since he was mostly scouting the area most of the time as everyone else stayed behind. So, he suggested that if she was up for it that she go talk to Liara and she would give her the full rundown of anything he missed.

He never did get to see the doctor that night, let alone any other part of the ship. Instead, he held Shepard close to him as they slept together for the first time in weeks, and it was probably the best sleep he had gotten in awhile.


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two: The Impossibilities**

Over the past couple of days, Shepard had mostly kept to herself. She wasn't ready to talk about what had happened with the rest of the crew; afraid of what they would think of her. She just couldn't bare them looking at her like she was some heartless monster who was willing to sacrifice anything to get what she strived for. She got enough of those stares from the Bartarians.

Ziva had always been someone who would rather use her words than her gun to solve a problem. Having to use lethal force was an absolute last case scenario with her, usually only resorting to such actions in cases of self defense. Unfortunately, however, the diplomatic solutions were usually few and far between. But, that wasn't the only reason why she was avoiding them. It was also because of the promises she had made to each and every one of them, promises she was now unable to keep.

Sitting in her bed, hunched over, her elbows resting on her knees, Shepard was carefully examining her Alliance dog tags that laid in the palm of her hand, rubbing her thumb over the engravings occasionally. A soft smile took over her lips as she exhaled , realizing how useless they were now.

Hearing her door open, she didn't even have to look up to see who it was as their smell just intoxicated the room with a small hint of cologne.

"Do these still have a meaning, James?"

The question didn't phase the Lieutenant as he continued to walk toward her.

"I mean, now that there is nothing left.."

As she laid back, looking up at the glass ceiling above them, she could see the clear blue sky overhead, and it reminded her of Earth. She still didn't know if it was truly saved, or if it was even salvageable.

Feeling the mattress sink beside her, it let her know that James had taken a seat. But, when the feeling repeated she couldn't help but look over and laugh as she watched him bounce up and down a bit, even going as far as rubbing the mattress with his hand.

"I think you lied to me, Lola,"

Shaking her head she let out a sigh as he laid down beside her. She remembered when he came to talk to her about joining the N7 program, and how she told him that the bed was harder than it looked. But to be honest it probably was better then the cot he has been sleeping on.

"I didn't lie,"

she said while rolling her eyes,

"You probably just like firm mattresses."

He chuckled slightly as she looked over at him, and began to wonder if he was going to answer her question or just ignore it all together. Soon, he opened his mouth, closing it again for a moment as though he was gathering his thoughts.

"I think... they still have some sort of meaning. I mean, shit, we are still technically Alliance, and no matter what, people are still going to look up to you as their commanding officer. That's something I don't think you will be able to change."

"I suppose that's true... "

Sighing, it wasn't really the answer she wanted to hear, and to be honest she really wasn't in the mood for having a friendly conversation. Sure, she was happy to see James, and glad he stopped by, but she knew he didn't come up on his own accord.

"So, did Garrus send you up here for a reason or..."

As her voice trailed off, Vega looked over at Shepard with an eyebrow raised, wondering when he needed Garrus' permission to come see her. It was bad enough they have been taking orders from Major Alenko, who didn't know how to lead for shit, or earn people's proper respect for that matter.

"What makes you think Garrus sent me?"

He asked a bit defensively as he let some of his frustration escape him.

Sure, he and the Commander's friendship didn't go back years, but to him they've established a good friendship. At the very least, a good enough one where he didn't need permission from her boyfriend to come see her.

"I'm sorry, I didn't..."

When his eyes met hers, her mouth slowly closed, her gaze falling downward before she turned away from him.

She didn't mean it the way it came out, it was just that ever since she had woken up no one has been up to visit her, and she knew mainly it was because Garrus told them to give her some space. So, the only reason why she thought James would be here was because Garrus told him too.

The look on her face began to play at Vega's heartstrings, and he knew that he shouldn't have vented some of his anger out on her.

"You don't need to apologize"

James said in a calm reassuring voice as he watched her sit up, tucking some of her long black hair behind her ear. He knew the stuff that was going on wasn't her fault. Truthfully, it wasn't really anyone's fault, so trying to lay it all on her lap would just be wrong considering he knew she was already going through a lot right now.

"The reason why I came up here was to remind you that you have other friends around here that care for you, and keeping yourself confined in your room, or hiding behind the doctor isn't going to help matters any, its just going to make things worse."

He began to sit up, letting out a small groan as he leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees.

For a moment he started to wonder if he should inform her that he had an idea of what happened back on Earth. Garrus spared him most of the details, but he knew that she had to sacrifice more than she wanted to too get the job done.

Scratching the top of his head, his eyes darted along the floor as he began to weigh the pros and cons in his mind before he finally figured out a way to handle the situation.

"You know... I remember this soldier-who by the way can fill out a uniform like nobody's business,"

The comment caused Shepard to let out a small laugh, which made him smile. It let him know he was at least going in the right direction.

"She told me that there's not a single N7 that hasn't sacrificed either themselves or their soldiers at some point to get the job done. I mean isn't that why they asked you to become an N7?"

Shepard turned toward him slowly as her own words came back to bite her in the ass. But there was no way for him to know what she had to do, what she truly had to sacrifice. His words perplexed her somewhat as her eyebrows furrowed slightly. Her eyes studied his face, looking for something that told her that he knew, but there was nothing, which made her wonder how'd he know exactly what to say to make her feel better.

"How did you-"

"Ah... am I Interrupting something?"

Vega and Shepard both turned their attention to Kaidan, who wasn't wearing the happiest of expressions. Then again James noticed he hasn't been too happy since the day they landed. Clearing his throat he began to stand up giving Shepard a slight bow of his head.

"Lola.."

Shepard gave him a small smile in response as he walked beside Kaidan. She noticed the cold stare they gave one another as Vega saluted him, more mockingly than out of actual respect before finally leaving her quarters.

Her gaze fell on Kaidan, who was still watching Vega, as though he was going to do something if the Lieutenant didn't watch his back. This made Shepard very curious about what had really been going on while she was unconscious.

"Is everything... okay between you two?"

"Like you said Shepard, he needs to learn some deference,"

After a moment, Kaidan finally looked over at her with a smile, as though the situation that had just accord didn't even happen.

"So, how you feeling?"

Shepard didn't return his cheery look as she simply stared at him for a second before looking at the door James had just exited.

"Fine, I guess..."

Rubbing the back of her neck, she knew she was going to have to look into this. They were already going through enough peril, so being at each other's throats wouldn't make the experience run any smoother.

"I was wondering if you wanted to see what Liara has accomplished so far with the colony. I know she would appreciate your input, especially more than mine."

Kaidan let out a little laugh, knowing that things have been a bit off since he took command while Shepard was out, but for the most part things were getting done. Some arguments here and there, but nothing he couldn't handle.

Shepard simply smiled, knowing that James was right. Sitting around moping and hiding away wasn't going to help anything. In fact, it would probably cause her friends to worry more.

"Yeah, I would love to see it."

Her answer seemed to please Kaidan as he offered to escort her, but this was something she could do on her own without a crutch. When she denied his offer she noticed his pleasant look faded as he just saluted her and left without another word.

* * *

><p>As Shepard went to go check on Liara, Garrus was sitting patiently in the med bay, waiting for Chakwas to return from whatever it was that she was doing. If he didn't know any better, he would think she was purposely making him wait due to the fact that he never came back to see her after visiting with Shepard a few days ago. It was understandable, but if it was something that he needed to worry about then it wasn't ok.<p>

When the med bay doors opened, Garrus quickly stood up from his sitting position, and looked at the doctor. She was a bit startled, but it did amuse her how he was so eager to find out what she had to say when before it seemed he could have cared less.

"It's alright Garrus, I'm not going to tell you anything life threatening. But, I do suggest you sit down."

Garrus looked at the doctor inquisitively before slowly sitting back in his seat as she took the seat across from him. Even her reassurance of it not being anything life threatening still made his stomach turn. He wasn't sure if it was because of the tension, or because he hadn't eaten yet that day.

"Let me begin by saying that everything is fine. There are a few concerns, but nothing to overly worry about, and there are going to be a few changes-"

"Changes?"

He asked, his voice carrying his worry in his tone as he interrupted the doctor.

"What kind of changes?"

Chakwas sighed as she stared at Garrus,

"For starters, her implants are no longer functional. So far I haven't found anything wrong, but I am noticing a few difference. For example, she is beginning to lose pigment in her hair, while losing it in some places. I'm not sure if it will be anything permanent so I'm going to keep running tests from time to time."

Garrus became confused as he leaned forward, rubbing his chin slightly.

"This doesn't make any sense..."

He retorted as he exhaled a sigh as he spoke, sitting back in the chair.

"Without those implants being functional, Shepard should be dead."

"I thought the same thing Garrus, but apparently her body has adapted just fine without them. From what I could tell the implants were used to restore bodily function, and since her body has been doing it naturally on its own, it didn't really affect her when they deactivated."

Shaking her head she wasn't really thinking when she continued, since it was more out of amazement then anything else.

"But, what is more astounding is how she was able to get pregnant."

The word echoed through Garrus' mind and it took awhile before it finally clicked into play. At first he was trying to convince himself that she was just joking with him, but the way she said it trounced any doubt he tried to forge.

Fumbling with his words, it took him a moment to say something that was comprehensible.

"Pregnant? But how... Is it...even mine?"

The fact the question "is it even his" was running through his head made the Doctor a bit agitated, but she knew that it was probably more out of surprise, especially being under the impression that Human/Turian offspring wasn't even possible. All she could really do at this point was reassure him.

"From what I know about the Commander, you have been the only person she has ever been with."

Standing up, Karin gave the Turian a small smile as she placed a hand on his shoulder.

"I guess you'll find out what a turian-human baby looks like after all."

Thinking about it made Garrus smile, but the more he thought about it, the more it began to fade as realization began to sink in that he didn't have much time left. Taking a deep breath he knew that he wasn't going to live long enough to see their child.

"Does she know?"

He asked as though someone just punched him in the gut.

Karin's heart went out to him as her hand slowly left his shoulder. She knew his rations were becoming scarce by each passing day, and there wasn't anything that they could do for him, or Tali, for that matter. When the time would come, all she would be able to do is reduce their suffering.

"No, I thought it was something you two should share together, and I didn't think telling her she was pregnant when she first woke up was a good idea."

Garrus didn't say another word as he just stood up, leaving the room in a much more dire state of mind.

* * *

><p>Shepard held the blueprints that Liara has been working on in her hands. She seemed confused as she turned them slightly in every direction she could think of to try and make sense of it. It wasn't that she couldn't read it, it was because the structures and how everything was set. Structures that carried more smooth, organic shapes to them. Rounded edges and curving ledges that all flowed together as one structure. Some of the roofs of these structures would stretch up into huge spires that would puncture the sky, while other smaller buildings would simply carry dome like coverings. Shepard had seen structures like these before; they were Thessian in design.<p>

"So... what do you think?"

Liara finally asked, anxious to get her Commander's opinion.

"Well..."

Shepard began, not knowing really where to start. She didn't want to hurt Liara's feelings, but this plan wasn't going to work out for many reasons. There wasn't enough resources, not enough man power, and this wasn't an Asari colony. So she thought maybe it was best that she just changed the subject.

"Why haven't we been trying to get the Normandy running and operational? I mean, sure, planning for a colony is nice, but isn't that a sign of this being final? Like, we are never going to get out of here?"

Taking the blueprints away from Shepard, Liara let out a sigh as she began to look over them. The way everything was structured reminded her of Thessia, reminded her of home. A smile appeared on the Asari's face, obviously she was proud of what she accomplished so far, but she didn't understand why Shepard would try and avoid her question unless she didn't like it.

Slowly her blue smile faded,

"Is there a reason why you don't like my ideas Shepard?"

The tone in Liara's voice was all it took to make Shepard's heart sink. It wasn't that she personally didn't like her designs, it was just something they couldn't physically do.

"It's not that I don't like it, it's just... it's just a bit far fetched, don't you think? I mean, we don't have the resources-"

"Kaidan assured me that there is a good chance we can find what we need by the end of the month. We have already found traces of Platinum and Titanium."

Sighing, it was already obvious to Shepard that this was going to end up being more of a "friendly" debate instead of trying to give out structinary criticism; something Liara wasn't good at taking.

"We don't have the manpower or technology to make these advanced structures."

"We can try."

Shepard just looked at her friend realizing the desperation she must be in just by the tone of her voice. To think that you feel you have to rebuild what you have lost. At this point, it was obvious that trying to be sensitive wasn't going to work, because no matter what, Liara was going to fight her tooth and nail to get what she wanted. It was time to stop beating around the bush and just be upfront about what the true issue was.

"Liara, does this look like Thessia to you?"

As Shepard asked the question, Liara began to look around them. At first the Asari was confused, even looking down at the blueprint once more, wondering what Shepard meant by it. She almost had a sense of longing about her everytime she looked up from her blueprints at the vast landscape where their colony would be placed. One could even see the vision in her eyes. There it was in front of her; every building, every structure.

"Thessia is gone. I know that. You know that. Everyone here knows that."

Placing a hand on her friend's shoulder, Shepard continued to speak softly.

"I understand what you are trying to do; rebuild what you have lost, but that isn't going to work here. This will never be Thessia, this will never be Earth, and it will never be Rannoch, or Palaven."

Finally, Liara looked up at Shepard.

When she was giving the task she didn't even realize that what she was doing was indeed rebuilding Thessia. Every one of her plans was based on Asari civilization and culture.

Looking back at her blueprints, she felt Shepard squeeze lightly on her shoulder.

"This will never mean as much to us as it will to you, I'm sorry."

With that said, Shepard walked away from Liara, hoping that she gave her some clarity about the situation at hand. This may not be the home anyone wants, but it was going to be a home that they all were going to share. So it was best that they come up with ideas that would please all and not one.

As Shepard walked back to the Normandy, she couldn't help but feel awful about crushing Liara's dreams, but what else could she have done? This wasn't the time to try and rebuild what they have already lost, it was time to build a new and go back to what their ancestors used to do, no matter how crazy that sounded.

Shaking her head, she didn't want it to bother her too much, knowing that she would just over complicate things within her own mind by over thinking the situation. Just like her first time with Garrus. Something so simple as having sex turned into some complicated mathematical equation, she was surprised that he didn't just back out and say he needed to do some more calibrations. It was so embarrassing, especially since it was her first time.

She was so busy trying to be a good soldier that she really didn't have time to get caught up in any sort of kind of relationship, even if it was friends with benefit kind of deal. Even when she was going after Saren she knew that Kaidan had a thing for her, but there's rules against fraternization, not to mention there wasn't time to make a connection anyways. Then, when she was brought back from the dead to go against the Collectors, she realized just how short life is, and even if her comment about her and Garrus just skipping to the tie breaker was a joke, he really considered it, and it made her think on it as well. Looking back on it now, it was probably one of the greatest decisions she ever made. It's to the point now where she couldn't imagine her life without him.

* * *

><p>Kaidan watched Shepard from a distance as she walked to the Normandy. He quite enjoyed seeing her out and about with the crew. Ever since she had woken up it seemed things had been running a lot smoother. It's amazing how one person can bring so much hope and inspiration to the people around them, no matter what the race. It was always something that Kaidan admired about her.<p>

As he watched, he saw that Garrus was there to greet her at the door, and his smile began to fade as his eyes narrowed. His hands balled into fist as he watched him take her into his arms and kiss her. Ever since he heard that her and Garrus were together, it never set well with him. In fact, he wondered how the crew were so comfortable with it.

"You gonna help me carry this box or am I going to have to do it myself?"

Dianna Allers asked as she looked up Kaidan,

They had been doing an inventory check on everything, so they could get a good idea on how much they had, and to see how far they could stretch it out. Hopefully, they had enough food supplies to last them until they found a good enough food resource to withstand them for years to come, or until help arrives.

When Kaidan didn't respond, Dianna got curious about what exactly he was so intent on looking at. Setting down the metal box, she walked up behind him and followed his gaze until it fell on Commander Shepard and Garrus. Looking over at him, she couldn't help but smile slightly as she grazed her tongue over her bottom lip.

"I am gonna take a guess that you're not a fan?"

Without even looking at her, Kaidan just shook his head.

"No, I'm not. And I will never understand it."

Rolling her eyes, she couldn't believe how childish he was being. It almost took her back to high school where everyone just assumed that the hot girl was supposed to be with the hot guy, or the head football player should be with the head cheerleader. In this case, however, it seemed that the human should be with a human and not an alien.

"It's not that hard to figure out. He loves her, she loves him, and they somehow make it work."

Kaidan snarled slightly as she spoke. She said as though it was that simple,

Dianna always thought that Garrus and Shepard were a cute couple. In fact, they complimented each other very well on the battlefield and off. She could only imagine what the two were like in the bedroom. They were either really tender or they were rough and wild. Either way, just thinking about it turned her on a bit.

Kaidan scoffed as he folded his arms over his chest and looked over at Dianna.

"That's the thing though, they can't have kids, they won't be able to add to the colony, and without a dextro food base he is just going to die, and then what?"

Sighing, he looked back over at Shepard.

"She needs... She needs..."

Rolling her eyes, Dianna just turned around and went back to the box she was trying to lift earlier.

"Someone human? Heh, I never would have guessed you were racist."

Letting out a loud grunt, she managed to pick up the box on her own, but soon she began to struggle. Quickly, Kaidan grabbed on to the other side as he looked her straight in the eye.

"I'm not racist."

He said defensively as he helped Allers move the box over to where it needed to be.

"Oh then you just have something against biracial couples then?"

She asked as they sat the box down with all the others.

It was surprising how Kaidan was against a human and alien relationship, especially since he toured on an interspecies ship not once, but twice willingly.

"So what about Samantha and Liara? They have been getting pretty close lately, are you going to start giving them that evil look too when they do some PDA?"

At this point he was done arguing,

Waving his hand at her, Kaidan shook his head and started to walk away.

"Just forget it."

Staring at him, her mouth gaped open as though she just realized something. Jogging up next to him, she walked around him so she could see his face.

"You're jealous."

As Diana stepped in front of him she poked the Major's chest. It seemed that she was very satisfied with her self in finding out the truth, but her joyish exterior soon faded when he looked at her coldly.

"I said for-get it."

His voice was low and stern as a thin blue layer of light began to form around him. She had seen Alenko angry, but not to the point where his biotics would come into play. She must have hit some nerve. Taking a deep breath, she decided to let the matter be as she went back to work allowing Kaidan to continue forth.

What she hadn't realized was that the Major already had a plan brewing to get what he wanted. It just needed some time to take effect, that, and somehow he was going to have to find something, anything that would make him the hero.


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three: Desires and Dreams**

Sitting up in bed, Garrus looked over at Shepard as she lay beside him on her stomach. He started to debate whether or not he should wake her; the way she was laying made him somewhat nervous. With her softer exterior, he wondered if it was possible for her to crush the baby in that position. The more he contemplated, the more he thought it was best if he just gently moved her himself. That way he wouldn't disturb her sleep.

Reaching over, he grabbed the corner of her pillow, and began to pull it towards him. He hoped that the movement would coax her to roll over but, when her head reached the end, it just plopped down, face first into the mattress.

"Garrus?"

Hearing her groggy voice made him wonder why he thought moving her pillow was such a good idea. Even he knew that he would notice if something wasn't right when he was sleeping, why would it have been any different with Shepard?

Ziva leaned her head up as she looked at where her pillow used to be, even going as far as running her hand over the area in search for it.

"Where's my pillow?"

Looking over beside him, Garrus just stared at her pillow. His first instinct was to just get rid of it; pick it up and throw it somewhere, but he just left it there as she turned over onto her back.

"I was...trying...to... ah..."

He began, but then he didn't know how to really explain his motives. Saying "I thought you would crush the baby" would be delivering the news of her pregnancy in the worst possible way.

When Shepard looked over at him, her eyes fell to her pillow, and she couldn't help but smile as she rolled over, nuzzling her head on his shoulder, and laying her arm across his chest. This action alone made him feel more comfortable. She was no longer putting the baby under any more potential strain. He managed to accomplish that much at least.

"If you wanted me to cuddle with you all you had to do was ask, or you could have just moved me. You really didn't have to steal my pillow."

Garrus couldn't help but laugh as he put his talon under her chin, guiding it up so she would look at him. He began to examine her blue eyes. They were so beautiful and he hoped that their child would have them, along with his good looks of course.

"Oh trust me, I know other ways to get you closer, and they don't involve me "stealing" your pillow."

Examining his face she raised an eyebrow questionably as he looked down at her seductively. Just like he did when he kissed her on their date back on the Citadel.

"Is that so, Vakarian?"

Her voice was low as she leaned up and began to lay chaste kisses down his unplated neck. At first Garrus was liking where this was going, even going as far as rolling her over on her back so he would be on top.

He got lost in the moment, pressing himself against her as Shepard opened her legs to give him more accessibility. He could have taken her right there and then doing as he pleased, but that would just avoid what he needed to discuss with her. Though it pained him, he knew they couldn't repeat their actions of last night.

Leaning down by her ear, Garrus began to slide his hand up the outer side of her thigh, trying to reach her hand before it derailed him completely off topic.

"Do you remember our talk back on Earth?"

Once he grasped her hand by his lower abdomen, he guided it upwards away from their bodies.

Their fingers began to play with one another, Ziva watched their hands intently as they danced in the dim light before letting out a giggle.

"About us meeting in the bar?"

She asked before looking over at him as she pulled her hand away from his so she could put it where his visor would usually sit.

Shepard remembered when he finally tossed that thing, saying that he didn't need it anymore. Apparently he used it as a cheat sheet; letting him know what made her heart race, and what didn't.

Taking his hand away from hers, he began to move some stray hairs out of her face, before placing his forehead against hers.

"Before that."

Taking a breath, she began to think back.

"Us retiring someplace warm, and tropical living off the riches like in the vids?"

Garrus just looked at her and smiled shaking his head.

This caused her to close her eyes as she pinched the bridge of her nose. It was hard to think back on that day, cause there were so many moments that she wanted to forget.

Opening her eyes, she placed her hands on his shoulders and smiled.

"Just like old times?"

Even he couldn't help but laugh. He found it amazing that she would bring up every other part of their goodbye conversation except the part where they talked about having offspring. He always assumed she would say no, because maybe his rifle collection would scare junior, or maybe because he would love it. But, no, it was because she didn't think biology would cooperate in their favor, and that adoption was the best and only option. Looking back now, he wondered why he would encourage this and suggest they adopt a Krogan.

Sighing he figured he would give her one more chance.

"After that."

Searching his eyes with her own, she thought that maybe she could find some help; some hint as to what he wanted her to say, or at the very least know what he was getting at.

Finally, she realized what part of the conversation he wanted her to address. Her hands slowly slid down his arms as her gaze fell elsewhere.

"Seeing what Turian-Human babies look like."

She said in a soft voice, before letting out a sigh.

"Yeah..."

Garrus said simply as the mood in the air had changed from something intimate to something more serious. Apparently the vids were right, bringing up children was indeed a mood killer. He'll make a note on that later. But he needed to feel her out before he just dropped the news that she was expecting.

Clearing his throat, he rolled off Shepard as he laid back on his pillow. Looking over at her he examined her face. He could tell that this topic wasn't something she wanted to talk about, but it was something that couldn't be prevented, especially now.

"Last time you spoke about it, you mentioned that you would rather adopt, and I was wondering if you've changed your mind."

Shepard couldn't help but tilt her head at him slightly. His inquiring about children seemed so sudden, especially considering the direction things were going just a few moments earlier.

"Garrus, you know I would love to have children with you, it's just..."

Sighing, she shook her head and looked away from his gaze for a moment before finding his eyes once more.

It was sweet of him to think of them having a family together, and this was probably as good a time as any, especially given their situation. It was quickly becoming obvious that, while most would hope for this situation to be temporary, this may be how they spend the rest of their days. Perhaps starting a family now would help ease the transition into their new home, but there are just so many unknowns, and their biology just isn't compatible.

"It won't happen, not because of lack of trying... it's just not possible."

Garrus got this knowing look on his face as he rolled over on his side, propping his elbow on his pillow as he rested his cheek in his hand. Taking his free hand, he began to run his middle finger along Shepard's abdomen in a circular motion.

"What if I were to tell you that it was possible?"

Shepard began to laugh as he shoved Garrus' hand away, defending herself from his tickling. She wasn't sure what to say, Garrus seemed to be filled with so much hope that they could have this normal life with kids of their own, and it was commendable, and she adored the thought, but it wasn't an option for them.

"Then I wouldn't believe you."

Shepard smiled with a laugh as she started to wonder where all this was coming from. The last they spoke of such things, they were under the impression that they were both going to die.

"So according to this "theory," you think it's something not even worth considering? That it's just impossible?"

It seemed that Garrus was starting to get irritated with her causing her to roll her eyes,

She wasn't enjoying this game he was playing. What was he trying to do, get a rise from her? Was he thinking that this was being romantic? Scooting off the bed, she began to gather her belongings. She was just getting equally as irritated now as she aggressively put on her clothes.

"Well?"

His impatience with Shepard was clearly evident through his tone.

Scratching the top of her head she finally turned and faced him, gesturing her arms outward like she was giving up.

"Yes, I think it's impossible."

Garrus just stared after her as she reclaimed her shirt off the arm of the couch and began to push her way through it as if the fabric were actually fighting her.

His eyes narrowed slightly at how she was reacting to the conversation. Following in her movements, he moved to the edge of the bed, letting his feet touch the floor.

"Impossible? No. Just rare."

Rolling her eyes again, she shrugged at him.

"Why are you even bringing this up?"

Reaching out, he grabbed her hips and pulled her closer to him. His gaze fell to her belly as he placed a stretched hand over it before looking back up to Shepard. Maybe him telling her she was pregnant wouldn't be received as well as Chakwas hoped it would. With so many people saying it wasn't possible, he could understand her doubts, so maybe he would tell her by using the source he found out from.

"Because, Dr. Chakwas had a word with me the other day about your condition, and she told me that you're carrying my child."

Shepard began to examine his face, wondering if he was lying to her. Shaking her head she couldn't believe it; she didn't want to. Placing a hand over his, she removed his hand off her abdomen.

"Garrus, this isn't funny"

Standing up, Garrus looked down on her placing his hands on her shoulders. He gave them a firm squeeze, not in a threatening manner, but more just to get her attention, his brow plates furrowing slightly as he spoke in almost a stern tone.

"And I'm not laughing,"

Shepard again looked in his eyes, looking for anything that would tell her that he was just toying with her, but there was nothing.

It was hard to believe, let alone embrace something you weren't planning for. More importantly, why didn't Chakwas tell her she was pregnant? Then, at the very least, she would have some time to think and figure things out before telling Garrus. There were just so many should she expect? What should she eat? Can she even handle carrying a Turain baby? Could she have it naturally?

"No, it...it's not possible."

Garrus wasn't planning on this reaction. His first thoughts about it was that she would be very joyous on hearing the news, or skeptical at first and then joyous. He never thought she would just disregard the idea.

Looking away from her, he let his hands fall from her shoulders.

"You never planned on settling down with me, did you?"

His voice was low and filled with pain at the realization that maybe Shepard never wanted him the way he wanted her.

Garrus' words stung her slightly, the thought of having a family with him was always a pleasant one, she was just scared of all the unknowns. It's not like every day you stumble upon interspecies children, not unless its an Asari. But, it would seem convincing Garrus of her point of view would be difficult.

Reaching out, she went to place a hand on his cheek.

"Garrus how can you-"

Before she could even finish, let alone touch him. He grabbed her wrist and looked her in the eyes. The last time she had seen him this angry was when they had to deal with Harkin. His grip tightened as he started to breath heavily.

"If I had known you'd be this deceitful, I wouldn't have even bothered."

Shepard's eyes widen, she couldn't believe that he would say that to her. What they have wasn't a mistake, she loved him and for him to just say that was just deplorable.

Ripping her hand away from his grasp, her anger began to boil over. His words just repeated over and over in her head. She simply looked over him for a few moments, those navy eyes boring a hole through Garrus as they carried her anger in them. Even Garrus could see she wasn't looking at him like she would anybody that she longed for, or even cared for.

In this instance, she wasn't seeing the man that she loved. She only saw someone who had cut her; deep. Someone with no regard for how he may be hurting her, intentional or not. She wanted so bad to say something in retaliation; to hurt him just as badly, but it wasn't worth it. Grabbing her N7 hoodie that lay on the desk beside her bed, she began to put it on as she walked towards the door.

"Shepard I-"

Garrus tried desperately to reach out, but she was already too far from his grasp. He watched as the door closed behind her before letting out a sigh of dismay, sitting back down on the bed, he started to reflect on what he had done, and began to regret it horribly.

* * *

><p>Early that morning, Kaidan had decided to give Garrus the day off from scouting. He wasn't doing it out of the kindness of his heart, however. Kaiden carried his own agenda as he was doing it more to get in Shepard's good graces. Everything he did was an attempt to get her attention, seeking her praises and approval, or just to spend time with her alone for a few minutes. But, it seemed no matter what he did it wouldn't be good enough.<p>

Looking over his shoulder, he could see that James wasn't happy about this arrangement as he trampled through the brush like some sort of madman, even going as far as ripping a branch down and snapping it in two simply because it caught his ear.

Kaidan rolled his eyes, thinking maybe it would have been better if he asked Tali to come along instead of some immature asshole who couldn't even follow orders without making some sarcastic remark. At this point, he wondered how Ziva was able to put up with his crap.

"You could have just stayed back at the Normandy, you know?"

James eyes narrowed as he stared daggers into Kaidan's back. If he were to turn back now, he would be turning his back on everyone, not just Kaidan.

The crew depended on them to find resources, food, supplies, anything to help them survive. If he would go back now, the crew may lose what little hope they had left.

"You don't expect me to believe that lie do you?"

Vega replied through a chuckle.

"You're my superior, whatever you say goes. I think you made that perfectly clear when you just declared yourself our leader."

Kaidan scoffed at the remark, barely giving Vega a glance over his shoulder as James smirked at him.

"I don't think I need to remind you about how the line of succession works for the Alliance. Shepard was MIA, so it was my right to take control of the situation, and appoint me as the commanding officer."

The air of arrogance that Kaidan carried seemed to rub Vega just the wrong way. His growing frustration fueled his steps as his pace quickened, approaching the Major from behind, grabbing Kaidan's shoulder as James turned him around to face him.

He didn't like the fact that Alenko just assumed he was entitled to lead them. Usually through the Alliance you earned that by proving yourself, not by just claiming it. Back on Fehl, James lost most of his comrades to the Collectors, including his commanding officer; Toni. When you're put in that kind of situation, it's more acceptable to bump the command line up. In this situation however? You couldn't do that, or you'd risk ending up like the crew of the Hugo Gernsback.

"It's your right, huh? Well, what happened to the crew's right? I'm sure if we took a vote on who they wanted to lead, I can almost guarantee they wouldn't have picked your ass."

James poked at Kaidan's chest as he said "your ass" before taking a step forward, almost challenging him to do something. Kaidan didn't back down as he took his own step forward, so they would be face to face.

"Is that a fact, Lieutenant? And why wouldn't they pick me?"

Their eyes locked as they stood nearly nose to nose with each other now, neither one budging an inch as they disputed.

"For one: they don't trust you. Two: they don't respect you. And three? This may be my own personal opinion, but I can't fucking stand you pendejo."

Kaidan's blood was boiling as a too familiar tingling sensation went up his arm, causing his hair to stand on end. His biotics began to show as his breathing became heavier. It took every ounce of his willpower to not simply punch the Lieutenant all the way back into next week.

"Maybe it's best if we just split up and go our own separate ways."

He finally was able to growl through a clenched jaw.

James just smirked as he leaned forward. He just loved getting under the Major's skin just as much as Kaidan loved getting under his.

"Finally, something we can agree on."

Looking around, Kaidan lifted up his right arm and began to point out the directions he wanted them to go in with his index finger.

"You go west, I'll go east. We'll meet back here at seventeen hundred hours, you got that?"

Before Kaidan was even done speaking, Vega had already began heading west.

"Yeah, yeah."

As the two began to walk away from each other, James realized something.

Stopping in his tracks, he turned around to face Kaidan again, but this time he had a smug smile plastered on his face.

"Oh, by the way,"

As Kaidan turned around, James could already see that he was rolling his eyes. Obviously he turned around just out of courtesy instead of compliance.

"If you haven't noticed, Shepard isn't MIA anymore. Figured I would let you know just in case you didn't get the memo."

Taking a deep breathe, Kaidan tightened his grip on his assault rifle as he watched Vega turn back around and move on. The Major began to think how easily it would be to shoot James in the back right now. "We're far enough away that no one would hear it," he thought before slowly lifting his assault rifle, even as going far as actually taking aim, hovering his index finger over the trigger. He could see the back of Vega's head in his crosshairs as he watched him intently. Following his every move like a hawk. Slowly his index finger began to press down on the trigger.

"Bang."

Kaidan whispered before releasing the trigger and lowering his weapon. It was tempting, but he knew they weren't far enough away that people wouldn't notice James' absence. Not to mention with him being the last person seen with him, on top of their more than obvious dislike of each other, everyone would immediately turn to him with suspicions.

Turning east, Kaidan began to trudge on through the wilderness, Vega's words continued to echo in his ear. The Lieutenant seemed to make it out as if the crew saw him as nothing more than a nuisance. Were they truly that thankless? Did they truly doubt his skills as a leader that they would have chosen someone else over him? His mind couldn't even begin to fathom who else would have been able to take up position beside himself. Certainly not Tali. Garrus, perhaps, but he wouldn't know how to tend to human needs like Kaidan would. The very thought of James being placed in charge caused his face to twist, as if he had eaten something sour.

The more he pondered the subject, the more he began to realize how much truth there may have been in James' words. He hadn't even received a thank you for his efforts with the crew, not even from Shepard. Sure, it was his duty and he wasn't truly expecting a handwritten thank you card from everyone, but he would have at least hope that they would show more gratitude for his efforts.

Leading wasn't an easy job. You carried the hopes and trust of everyone who follows you in that position. The thought of James Vega's constant choosing to disrespect his command only seemed to sour his mood even further. He decided to push the subject into the back of his mind for now as he seemed to have wandered off a bit further than expected in his absent mindedness.

Taking a step down the hill that lay before him, Kaidan could see abandoned buildings below. As he finally reached the base of the hill, Kaidan was able to see the full view of the old decrepit buildings that littered the surrounding landscape. Time had already allowed mass amounts of vegetation to begin to swallow up the structures as vines and other various weeds had crawled up the sides of the buildings, some even snaking their way up onto the roofs.

Kaidan treaded carefully as his eyes carefully scanned his surroundings as he ventured into the settlement. The structures, while somewhat basic and primitive, were no doubt alien in design. He couldn't exactly tell what race simply by structural integrity, but it wasn't human by any means. As he continued to search on, almost in awe of his discovery, his foot hit against something hard and sturdy, causing a klunk sound.

Looking down he saw a corner of a container that reminded him of the food storages they had back at the Normandy. Bending down, he began to brush away the pile of leaves that had gathered on it over time, in attempts to make the object more visible. Once he had the object cleared and within his grasp he stood up with a smile. Not only was it a food store, but there were more of them around it.

"KAIDAN!"

Hearing Vega's voice echo through the sky made Kaidan start to panic as he quickly bent back down, mindlessly discarding his assault rifle as he covered the boxes back up with the leaves. He knew this wasn't the time to reveal his find, it would be best when the crew was near their breaking point, and where it seemed all their hope was lost. Then, and only then, would he find this place again, making him the hero, and someone the crew would not only respect, but look up too. His lips almost curled into a smile at the very thought of it.

As he hastily got back up on his feet, he quickly made his way back up the steep hill. He was going so fast he about ran right into Vega when he reached the peak of it, causing him to stumble back and almost fall.

"Holy Shit!"

Kaidan's reaction just made the Lieutenant laugh as he watched him try and reclaim his balance.

"Easy their pendejo, I didn't mean to..."

James' focus suddenly went to Kaidan's now empty left hand as he noticed his assault rifle was missing. The amusement of the situation even faded from his face as he realized that something was going on.

"... Startle you..."

"It's alright... just don't let it happen again."

Kaidan warned before shoving past James,

James didn't let him get very far as he grabbed the Major's arm keeping him at arm's length.

'"Aren't you forgetting something?"

Kaidan looked at James oddly before looking down at his hand. Closing his eyes he looked back from where he came from, exhaling out a sigh. Instantly, he realized he had forgotten his assault rifle back with the crates. How could he be so stupid? Thinking on his feet, he knew he had to ease James' suspicion.

"I must have dropped it when I fell."

Kaidan let out a light hearted chuckle,

"You "fell" huh?"

James couldn't help but raise an eyebrow at how casually he just explained it. Any soldier with half a brain is at least attentive enough to know where their gun is at all times. One doesn't simply misplace a high powered firearm and here was his superior officer shrugging it off so casually.

"Then let's go back and get it then."

James eyes never left Kaidan's as he began to move forward. Instantly, Kaidan's heart began to pound within his chest as panic began to take over. At this point, what could he do? Going to actually retrieve his rifle was out of the question. Even if the boxes of food storage he had found went unnoticed by Vega, the abandoned buildings were in plain view, there was no way they wouldn't go unnoticed. Kaidan may have looked down on James for being a oaf, but the man certainly wasn't blind by any means.

His mind frantically raced as he quickly tried to devise some excuse-any excuse to stop Vega's investigating, causing Kaidan to reach out, grabbing onto Vega's arm.

"Nuh, lets just forget it for now. By the time we find it, it will be nightfall."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, lets just get back."

James watched Kaidan for a moment, almost sensing the urgency in his voice before looking back from where he came. He knew there was something going on. What soldier would just leave his weapon behind, and just acts like its no big deal? Taking a step forward, he hesitated in defying Kaiden's orders.

Running a hand through his hair, he began to feel conflicted. With a frustrated groan, he turned back and began to follow the Major back towards the camp. This was something that was definitely going to haunt him.

* * *

><p>After Shepard had stormed off the Normandy, she really didn't have a set destination in mind as she went wandering off into the wilderness. All she knew is that she desperately needed to get some space. Just to be able to get somewhere and blow off some steam; clear her head, if even for a few minutes.<p>

What Garrus said, she didn't know if she could forgive him, let alone have him try to explain his actions. To simply say something like regretting your entire relationship with someone you love wasn't something to just be forgiven or forgotten. All this commotion stirred up because she didn't agree with him, and she didn't believe that she could be pregnant. Was it really so outrageous that she would have trouble wrapping her head around something that was enforced on her to believe was impossible?

The more she thought about it, the angrier she became as her hands started to illuminated themselves with a faint blue glow. From behind her she could still hear someone calling her name, but she just chose to ignore it, attempting to drown it out under her own thoughts as she continued forth through the vegetation in front of her. Unfortunately, no matter how fast she went, the voice kept chasing after her, getting louder and louder with every call.

Again, Tali called out, but Ziva wasn't in the mood to deal with anyone at the moment, let alone their individual problems. She had enough of her own on her plate as it was. She was at her breaking point by now. Not only was the weight of wiping out all synthetic life still weighing on her mind, she now had the added burden of being pregnant on some foreign uncharted planet. At this point, all it would take was one person to say one wrong thing to her, and she was going to snap, and the last person she wanted to take it out on was Tali.

"SHEPARD!"

Ziva let out a heavy groan as she realized there was no escaping the Quarian. She was just as determined to catch Shepard as Shepard was in getting away. Sighing, already frustrated, Ziva finally slowed down her pace, giving up the chase as she allowed Tali to catch up.

"I'm glad I caught you,"

Tali said a bit relieved as she tried to catch her breathe.

"What do you want Tali?"

Shepard asked as if she was more obligated to inquire instead of actually wanting to know what Tali had to share.

"I was wondering if it would be okay if I went out on my own expedition to try and find the Euphorbiaceae."

The statement alone caught Shepard's interest, causing her to stop in her tracks as she turned toward the Quarian.

She repeated Tali's request in her head,"Going on her own to find the Euphorbiaceae?" She attempted to pronounce the word to herself, but that alone was difficult, along with trying to understand why she would want to go find such a thing? Most importantly, what the hell was it?

Narrowing her eyebrows, it was obvious the Commander was confused. Lost was more like it.

"The what?"

Tali exhaled as she rubbed her gloved hand over her helmet where her brows would be. She knew that Shepard wasn't the most educated when it came with things of this nature, so trying to explain it would be difficult since she didn't know how to speak plainly.

Raising her arm, the orange glow of her omni-tool illuminated her arm as it activated. The Quarian instantly began to tap away at the tech as she quickly attempted to gather as much information on the plant as possible so she could try and simplify things for Shepard.

"The Euphorbiaceae. It's a plant that is based off of callus cultures which allows it to accumulate four known securinega alkaloids with dextrorotation but not levorotation."

Tilting her head at Tali, Shepard thought for a moment, trying to take bits and pieces of what she said and try to make sense of them. What she got out of it was that the Euphorbiaceae is a plant which accumulates dextro. That alone helped the Commander understand why Tali wanted to go find it. It could be the solution to her's, and Garrus' food issue, especially if she found a reasonable amount where they could start growing it on their own.

Folding her arms over her chest, Ziva began to take in the area around her. There was some questions she needed to ask before she would just agree. She also wanted to see how sure Tali was that she could find this plant. Tali always had a tendency to rush head first into things without weighing out the consequences first.

"How do you even know if it grows here?"

Shepard asked as her gaze fell back on Tali,

This question alone seemed to make the Quarian nervous.

"I don't, actually..."

Shepard rolled her eyes as she unfolded her arms and started to move forward. She didn't want to deal with what if's or could be's, they didn't have time for that.

Tali quickly began to follow, knowing she was going to have to convince Shepard one way or another. "No" simply was not an acceptable answer for her at this point, and one she refused to take.

"But, there is good possibility that it does. My research says that the plant needs a rainforest like atmosphere to sustain growth up until it can begin photosynthesizing light energy into dextrorotation."

"So it would be some place tropical?"

"Exactly! And according to my omni-tool, there is an area not far from here that goes through similar weather patterns. It has dry and wet seasons that can last up to a month or possibly more. It'd be in an area covered in lush vegetation, so I'll know what to look for."

Closing her eyes, Shepard turned around which caused Tali to stumble in front of her. She wasn't ready for the Commander to just stop abruptly and turn around but when she did, she could see the look on her face. Her mind seemed elsewhere, and the way she was acting was like she didn't want to deal with this issue.

"Why are you even coming to me with this? I thought that Kaidan had things "under control"."

Now Tali felt like she was being a nuisance to Shepard as she looked to the ground and began to fiddle with her fingers.

"I went to him but...he told me not to bother."

Tali's voice slowly faded away with each word she spoke,

From the sounds of it, it seemed that Tali was playing the oldest trick in the book. If someone denies you what you want then you go to someone else, and you keep doing that until someone gives you the answer you want. Humans use this tactic quite often, especially with their parents.

But to be honest she didn't understand why Kaidan even denied her request. The potential of discovering this plant could make all the difference in whether two of their oldest crew members survive or not, and to not even think about it and consider the possibilities?

"He actually told you not to bother?"

There was anger in her voice but it wasn't directed at Tali.

"He just said that we couldn't spare the resources, or the manpower to support my expedition. I offered to just go myself, but he was afraid that something might happen to me if I went alone."

Sighing, Ziva could understand the benefits of what Tali expedition could provide, unlike Kaidan apparently. But, as frustrated as she was with the Major for simply disregarding Tali's request, she did agree with him on one aspect, and that was that Tali wasn't going to do this on her own under any circumstances.

"I understand his concern, since we don't know what exactly is out here. But if we don't explore then we'll never know. And if we don't find something soon for you and Garrus then..."

Looking at Tali, she didn't want to say what the obvious fate that awaited them out loud. Tali already knew the gravity of their situation, and her just reminding her about it wasn't going to aid them even in the slightest. She figured she got enough of that reminder just by looking at her food supply every day.

It quickly became obvious that this expedition wasn't an option, it was a necessity.

"How much food do you have Tali?"

Shepard asked as she looked at the Quarian.

If she was going to approve this, she wanted to make sure that Tali was going to have enough rations to make the expedition. The last thing she wanted to do was sign anybody to their death warrant.

"A months worth, give or take, but I can-"

"How much?"

Ziva interrupted in a serious tone,

Tali was realizing that the Commander didn't want explanations, just straight to the point answers. This wasn't something she was used to since she wore a helmet 24/7. She was accustomed to having to explain and express herself in great detail.

"Two months worth."

"How long will you be gone?"

"A month, maybe longer."

Sighing, Shepard looked at Tali in a serious manner.

"You have to promise me that you will turn back once you're halfway through your rations, with or without the plant."

"But Shepard-"

The look Ziva gave Tali let her know that this wasn't negotiable . If Tali didn't go along with what she said, no matter how important this may be, she would turn it down without a second thought.

"I promise."

Studying Tali's face as best she could through her helmet's visor, she knew that Tali would keep her word, better than she had kept hers.

"I want you to take two people with you. Two people that you can trust with your life. Take what ever you need; food, water, weapons, just don't get greedy. If someone gives you any trouble you can send them to me and I will take care of them."

Shepard said with a sense of assurance.

She turned to depart from the Quarian, and continue on her path, but before she even took her first step, she was stopped when she felt Tali's hand on her shoulder.

"Thank you Shepard."

"You're welcome."

When Tali left her side, Shepard continued her way through the brush, pushing her way through the forest until she came to a small stream. She let out an almost content sigh as she approached the water's, taking a seat on a nearby rock as she took a moment to simply enjoy the fact she finally had a moment to herself.

It had seemed that ever since she had woken up she was either dealing with the crew, or being prodded at by the doctor. She began to think back on her and Garrus' fight, and how things quickly went sour. One moment they were getting intimate with each other, then the next she was putting on her hoodie and heading out the door.

Rubbing her forehead, she knew that Garrus didn't mean what he said, and now that she thought about it, she knew that she deserved his words. They may have been hurtful, but she deserved every single one. The way she acted was inexcusable, she hadn't even given any thought about how Garrus was feeling, and vise versa. They were both being inconsiderate, and instead of listening to one another, and telling each other how they really felt, they just lashed out as if it were some petty meaningless argument.

She wasn't even angry with him anymore, now she was just angry with herself. But, how was she suppose to tell him that she was scared of a baby? Of all things. Reapers, Collectors; those things were understandable, even the Human Reaper the Collectors were building was understandably terrifying. 'But being scared of this?' Staring at her belly, she slowly placed her hand over it, and began to rub it lightly. How was she suppose to express her being scared of this?


	5. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four: Preparing for the Future**

Garrus hadn't been able to talk to Shepard in the past few days, it seemed like she was avoiding him at every turn. Every time he would go to approach her, she would go off and grab the closest person she saw, and start up a conversation. This alone made him frustrated. In fact, the last thing she told him was, "Can it wait for a bit? I'm in the middle of some calibrations." At first he thought she was mocking him, but when he examined what she was doing she was indeed calibrating; a gun no less. He wanted to speak with her, so he simply left her with a request: to come find him later. Unfortunately, however, despite saying she would, nothing came of it. She didn't even come to bed that night, just like every other night since their argument.

The very thought that his words could have been that painful to where she thought it better to be away from him tore him up inside. To try and avoid thinking about such things he began to try and keep himself busy, which was becoming increasingly difficult to do since Kaidan had called off any scouting until further notice. That news alone caused James to throw a small temper tantrum during the crew meeting. It began with him simply getting up quietly, but ended in him throwing a chair against the wall.

No one really knew why James lashed out like he did, but it was enough to have Kaidan order Garrus to work with Vega in transporting supplies to the colony where Liara had managed to put up two buildings. The structures were nothing fancy, but they served their purpose. He knew he was only playing babysitter to keep the peace, and honestly, he didn't mind.

Time quickly flew by as they carried supplies back and forth, and before they knew it, it was time for a break. Garrus could feel the strain on his body, so he found a nice cozy tree to lean up against as he looked up at James, who was vastly approaching. He was amazed at how out of breath the guy was. Vega was easily one of the most physically fit crew member of the Normandy, anyone could tell that just by first glace. So, to see him winded so easily was somewhat humorous. But, looking past James, he saw Shepard talking to Kaidan. He wished that he could be doing the same.

"Is there something on your mind, Garrus?"

Looking over his shoulder briefly, Garrus nodded at an approaching Liara before going back and staring at Shepard.

"She's avoiding me."

James couldn't help but overhear as he sat down his crate beside Garrus'.

"Still? Figured you two would be over that by now."

Liara looked at both men confused. It had been awhile since she was able to catch up on the condition of the crew, and had been out of the loop for a time now. Quite frankly, she wasn't a fan of the feeling.

"Are you and Shepard fighting?"

Garrus let out an already irritated sigh.

"No, we had a... disagreement of sorts a few days ago, and ever since she has been acting like I don't exist."

Liara walked up beside Garrus as she shared his gaze looking out at Shepard.

"Have you tried talking with her?"

Looking over at the Asari, Garrus narrowed his brow plating. He thought she would expect better of him than that. To not simply assume that the first thing he would attempt was talking to her was somewhat insulting. Liara was one of the few crew members that had been apart of the Normandy as nearly as long as he was. He figured she knew him better than that by now.

"I approached her on more than one occasion, but by the time I get in hearing distance she starts talking to the closest person to her, or she gives me some excuse."

"It's probably just a coincidence."

"Oh, really? Is that why I have been going to bed by myself at night? The reason why I've been eating alone?"

Liara simply looked at Garrus in a serious manner. She knew she had to defend Shepard in her absence, knowing that she would do the same if the situation were reversed.

"If you hadn't noticed, Garrus, she has been quite busy. Organizing hunts, making nets to help with fishing, even going as far as going out and gathering fruit. I hear she is even sending a team to find a dextro plant."

Garrus simply rolled his eyes as he allowed Liara to carry on. The last thing he needed was someone else making excuses for her. The Asari seemed to be missing the point, and he wasn't in the mood for sparking up another potential argument.

"So I've heard, but not from her."

"Just give her some time Garrus, she'll come around."

Liara gently laid a hand on the Turian, Garrus acknowledging her words with a simple nod before she went about her business. All the while, his gaze never left Shepard while she stood in the distance. In his time away from Shepard, other thoughts did plague at his mind other than seeking forgiveness. The eventuality of his death was drawing nearer and nearer by the day, and Garrus was adamant about making sure everything he cared for would be taken care of after he was gone.

Trying to raise the baby alone, while making sure the crew was taken care of as well would be a tall order. Ziva was one hell of a Commander, but she was still human. She had her limits; she could eventually break under the stress, and Garrus wouldn't be there to keep the pieces together.

"Can I ask you a question?"

Since his argument with Ziva, James was the only person who Garrus could confide in. He possibly could have confined in Dr. Chakwas, but he didn't want her to feel like it was her fault. The doctor meant well when she chose to deliver the news to Garrus first, hell, he preferred it that way. To come to her with the problem that her decision caused would have only rubbed salt in any potential wound she may have because of her involvement.

"If this is about patching things up with Lola, I don't know what more I can tell you."

James said with a smile as he taped on the Turian's shoulder before sitting down on a nearby rock.

Vega explained to him how human women worked, well most of them any way. How they could hold grudges for years, even going as far as forgiving you, but still holding what you did over your head so if they want something they can just bring up the incident to get what they wanted. He assured Garrus that he didn't think Shepard was that way, or at least he hoped.

"Its nothing like that. I was just wondering if you found her attractive."

"Who? Liara?"

James looked behind him and at the blue Asari. She wasn't bad, but she was kind of creepy; wasn't his type. Shrugging his shoulders, he looked back at Garrus.

"She's alright, but I wouldn't sleep with my eyes closed. She might fillet me alive with her mind."

"Not her. Shepard."

Raising his eyebrow at the question, James didn't know what to say, in fact he didn't even know if he heard Garrus currently.

"Excuse me?"

Garrus finally turned, facing the Lieutenant as he let out a sigh,

"Do you find Ziva aka "Lola" attractive."

James looked over at Shepard for a moment, and he couldn't lie to himself. He found her very attractive, especially when she was wearing the detention uniform. The way it hugged her body and brought out the color of her eyes. When he first met her, she had her hair down. It was about two inches past her shoulders with light curls. Back then it was easy for him to get lost in a fantasy where she would try to escape, in the end he would indeed catch her against some wall pressed up against one another: breath heavy.

He was getting lost in his thoughts, and before he knew it Garrus was staring at him with a raised eyebrow and questionable stare. Clearing his throat, he began to regain his composure.

"I'm not answering that cause either way I'm going to get my ass kicked."

"Why would yo-"

"If I say she's attractive, you're going to think I'm trying to move in on your territory. So you're going to kick my ass. But, if I say no? Then you're going to think I'm insulting her. So for that? You're gonna kick my ass. Its a lose/lose situation."

Shrugging his shoulders, he stared at Garrus, attempting to figure out what he was trying to get at. It was weird having your best friend ask about his girlfriend.

"Why are you even asking?"

Garrus swallowed as his gaze fell to the ground.

"James, we both know that I'm not going to live through this. So, I need someone I can trust to look after her, and take care of her in my absence."

At this point the Lieutenant was confused, asking him to look over her was one thing, but was he asking him to take his place entirely?

"Okay... but what does her being attractive have anything to do with it?"

This caused Garrus to chuckle slightly as he looked over at James with a sort of smirk. He saw the way that James looked at Shepard and it wasn't a way a soldier looked up to their commanding officer. In fact, he knew if he wasn't around, or if Ziva wasn't with him, James would be giving chase, that much he was sure of.

Besides, James wasn't interested in any of the other women of the Normandy. Half of them didn't even know his name, they just referred to him as "that guy with the body," and the girls he did talk to couldn't even fathom a full sentence without commenting on his physique.

He was looking for someone who could look past his appearance, and just accept him for who he was, and Shepard had already done that.

"So, you do find her attractive?"

Grumbling, James ran his hand over his face with a bit of frustration.

"What is this about? Are you trying to arrange for me and Shepard to get hitched or something?"

"I just noticed that you haven't paired off like many of the others have."

"So?"

Garrus just stared at James with an annoyed expression adorned on his face,

"So, If I were gone, would there be a chance that you would move in on Shepard?"

This line of questioning was making James' head hurt. Did he like Shepard? Yes. Did he find her to be attractive? Yes. Could he see himself with her though? That was something he needed to think about honestly since he never thought about being with her in that way, well not since he found out she was with Garrus.

"Are you trying to come up with a reason to kick my ass?"

"You are the closest thing I have to a brother, and it would make me ill if she ended up with someone who couldn't appreciate her like I do."

"Sorry to burst your bubble, but, no one will be able to appreciate her like you do. Except for maybe Kaidan."

The comment was meant to be a joke, but Garrus wasn't amused as he rolled his eyes at the thought. Picking up on this though, James laughed.

"I thought you were buddies with Kaidan? I mean, you said it yourself, I should give him a break because he is under a lot of stress."

"Kaidan is a friend, yes, but something has changed in him. He isn't the man I remember meeting back on the SR1. Every so often, I'll catch him glaring at me when I wasn't looking. Or, if I attempt to speak with him, he's very stand offish, like I'm nothing more than a nuisance. Normally, I'd simply chalk it up to stress, but it feels more like... he looks at me as though I have stolen something that should have been his."

"Yeah: Shepard."

Garrus stared at James for the longest time, trying to understand what he meant. Slowly things began to piece themselves together. Kaidan had always shown fondness to Shepard, but he was never sure how deep his feelings may be for her. Now, thinking back, seeing how tense he got whenever he was around Ziva, or even thinking about how Kaidan will eye him even from across the room, whether Shepard was around or not, it all began to click. Jealousy is what drove a wedge between him and his old squad mate.

"Ah, that explains a lot then. But, I just want you to know, if you decide to move in on her in my absence, it's okay. "

James just stared at Garrus, knowing he was asking a lot from him. But, he wasn't one for serious discussion, especially one like this, not now anyway.

"Well, I could start now. You did sort of break up with her so, technically-"

"Technically I'm still alive and breathing, you really want to take that chance?"

The look on Garrus' face made James laugh as he raised his hands in defeat.

"Okay, Okay"

James watched as Garrus walked off behind him before turning his gaze at Shepard and Kaidan. It seemed like their conversation got heated, or that's what it looked like by their faces and hand gestured. He watched as Shepard began to walk away from the Major and then he grabbed her arm, and not in a civil manner either. This alone caused James to stand up; ready to charge if need be, but it seemed that he wasn't the only one who took notice as Garrus started to walk past him with an angered fueled determination.

* * *

><p>When Kaidan found out that Shepard overruled him, it rubbed him the wrong way, especially when she gave him permission to continue to give orders. He thought she had put her trust in him to make the tough calls, but apparently he was mistaken. It hurt him; made him angry was more like it, and he had to take his time in approaching her, because he didn't want to ruin anything between them. That's all he needed was to lose her as a friend, and ruin his chances of possibly being something more, some day.<p>

He saw her walking to the Normandy by herself, and he figured this was as good a chance of any to have a word with her. So, to try to avoid chasing her down, he called out to her.

"SHEPARD!"

The moment that she turned around it almost took his breath away. It was enough to slow his pace as he approached her. Just the way her hair fell on her shoulders, made him want to put his fingers through it, or press his face against it, just to smell the distant scent of lavender. He remembered when she used to have nightmares and how she would come find him to help her sleep. He missed those days when she could confide in him but now she had Garrus.

"Kaidan? Kaidan?"

Apparently Shepard had been calling his name for a while now as he was lost in his thoughts, staring off in the distance. Anger played at his face as his hands were now tightened fist.

"Kaidan, are you okay?"

When she placed a hand on his shoulder, it was enough to ease his tension and bring him back to reality. Smiling at her he nodded.

"I'm fine... Commander."

As her hand left his shoulder he wished he would have removed it himself that way he could have felt her skin against his, if even for just a split second.

"I was wondering if you had some time to talk."

Shepard began to think as she looked over Kaidan's shoulder, and at Garrus who was staring at them. He was probably waiting on her to finish talking to Alenko to make his move since the last time she said she would find him she purposely "forgot". As Shepard stared off, it caused Kaidan to look over his shoulder, and when he saw Garrus his eyes narrowed. He heard that the two had an argument a few days ago, and on one hand he was thankful for it, but on the other he didn't appreciate him taking advantage of Shepard. Any man would be lucky to have her, and he was easily throwing it away.

"Do you need me to talk to him?"

His tone wasn't a very pleasant one, and it got Ziva's attention.

Looking in his eyes she wondered how much he knew about what happened, especially with how angry it seemed to make him. Shaking her head she folded her arms over her chest like a shield.

"No, Kaidan, it's fine... really"

Giving him a reassuring smile, all she wanted to do was take the attention off her.

"So what was it you wanted to talk to me about?"

For a brief second, he almost forgot what he came to discuss with her. It made him sort of smile as he scratched the back of his head before he leaned against the cold steel of the Normandy's outer shell.

"Well let me ask you this, you trust me right?"

Raising an eyebrow at him, Shepard followed his movements as she too leaned against the ship.

"I do."

"And, did you not tell me that I could continue leading, and making decisions?"

His demeanor alone was enough to let her know what he was building up too.

"This is about Tali, isn't it?"

As she looked him in the eyes he took a step forward keeping his voice low to keep others from hearing their conversation.

"You put me in charge, and you haven't stepped in once. Now, not only do you overrule me, but you don't even inform me about it? I mean, if you came to me and talked about it, it may have been different, but instead you disrespected me and went behind my back. How do you think that makes me look Shepard?"

Looking down at the ground she understood where Kaidan was coming from. If someone did that to her she doubted she would be so kind about it.

"Incompetent..."

"Exactly. With everything we have been through, I figured you would give me more credit than that."

Ziva felt the same way when they met back on Horizon, but back then she could understand it. She was with the enemy, after all, so it was right for him to questioning her, especially since she didn't get a hold of him when she was resurrected.

"I'm sorry Kaidan, and next time I will come to you before I overrule your decision. But, you have to understand, Tali and Garrus depend on this plant for their survival. Without it they are both going to die."

"So, you figure its better she die with a purpose than starving to death?"

"No, that's not wh-"

"We don't know what's out there, it could be anything. This could be Yahg planet for all we know, and here you are, already signing her death certificate? Would you even care about her expedition if Garrus wasn't your boyfriend?"

Shepard looked at Kaidan as her face became unpleasant. If Garrus wasn't her boyfriend, he would still be apart of her crew, but more importantly a friend, and she wouldn't just let him starve to death if there was something out there to save his life.

"How dare you."

She said in a threatening tone as she began to poke at his chest.

"Tali and Garrus are our friends, and I wouldn't... I COULDN'T just let them starve to death, especially if there is something out there that could save them. Could you honestly do that to them? Knowing what they have been through, to not only save our lives, but every one else's?"

Kaidan grabbed Ziva's hand a bit roughly to stop her from poking him but he didn't let go of it. Instead, his grip tightened as he pulled her closer to him.

"Look around you Shepard, humans are the majority, and they are the minority. I rather have them die than risk having people that we can save sacrificing themselves for something that probably isn't out there."

Taking her hand away from his she began to think about the situation, trying to see things from his point of view and she began to wonder if he was right. For some reason she couldn't look past it, because he did have a point. A point she didn't want to believe because Tali was so sure she would be able to find the Euphorbiaceae.

"But Tali sai-"

"Tali would have said anything to get you to see it from her point of view, even using Garrus as leverage for her argument. She knows you care about him more than anything, and all she would have to do is involve his well being in her activities to get you on her side."

Kaidan raised his voice a bit, venting out some of his frustrations.

He regretted it as soon as he looked upon her face, that alone broke his heart. It wasn't his intent to make her upset, he just wanted her to see the bigger picture. He figured she would learn from the Reapers' attack that she couldn't save everyone, and that sacrificing men for a cause that wasn't even guaranteed was noble, but could prove to be foolhardy in the long run.

"Kaidan, no matter what the consequences are, we have to look out for what is best for everyone. I'm not sacrificing lives."

She said, almost amused by the thought.

"Its not like I ordered people to go with her, I told her to find people that she could trust with her life. It's not my fault if they choose to follow her."

"Yes it is."

"NO IT'S NOT!"

She snapped back.

At this point she couldn't take it anymore. Shepard didn't want to argue with Kaidan about what was right, and what was wrong, because no matter what they both were just going to have to agree to disagree. Shaking her head, she began to walk away noticing that her outburst got a few people's attention. She didn't get very far though as she was yanked back by her arm. Soon she was face to face with Kaidan.

"YES IT IS. THESE PEOPLE... would sacrifice their lives for you, and would sacrifice their lives in a cause that you believed in without question. They would follow you to hell and back five times over. God knows half of us have done that already. So for you to trust a friend? It may be honorable but lets face it, Shepard, the _ONLY_ reason why you even agreed to help Tali is because you think you owe her. I won't let you throw lives away just so you can pay off a debt, and sleep a little easier at the end of the day."

They were starting to get an audience now as Shepard tried to pull her arm away, but he wasn't letting go.

"Kaidan, Let-Me-Go."

They stared at each other for a few moments before he finally released her, letting her retreat back to the Normandy. He knew there was truth in his words and that is why she acted the way she did. But, she needed to see it, rather she liked it or not. As he turned around he looked at all the faces that were staring at him, and he even got some approving nods from a few of them as others just went back to what they were doing, not wanting to be associated with what just transpired.

But, what he didn't expect was the sudden jerk of his collar as he was lifted off the ground and slammed against the Normandy. Reaching his hands up, he tried to loosen the grip as his eyes looked down finding Garrus' looking back up at him.

"If you touch her like that again, I'll kill you and make it look like an accident. Are we clear?"

Kaidan just stared back in his eyes as he gritted his teeth together.

"Crystal"

Garrus let go, letting Kaidan fall to the ground as he tried his best to catch his breathe. Staring at him for a second, Garrus snorted before going after Shepard.

Kaidan just stared a hole in the Turian's back as he got to his feet but he couldn't help but smirk. Garrus had just helped him and he didn't even know it. People were starting to come around, and see things the way he saw them. Garrus' little threat was just helping his cause. People began to come up to him, asking if he was alright, and even asking if Garrus was losing it. It was quickly becoming evident that when things finally hit the fan, Kaidan was going to have more than a good leg to stand on.

* * *

><p>No matter where Shepard turned, she was making an enemy. First Garrus, then Chakwas, and now Kaidan. At the rate she was going, she could probably get the whole crew to hate her by the end of the week. This isn't how she wanted things to go, especially with close friends, but hopefully when things settled down, she and Kaidan can agree to disagree and move on.<p>

Sighing, she found herself in front of the Crew Quarters, knowing that just beyond the door Chakwas would be sitting at the table enjoying her afternoon coffee. If she was going to start making amends she might as well start with her , seeing as how she was the closest, and probably the most easiest one to talk to out of the three.

Taking a step forward, the steel doors opened in front of her allowing her inside.

"Karin, can I -"

Looking up from the ground, she saw Karin sitting with Engineer Adams. Both had stopped their conversation as they both looked at Shepard, whose cheeks were now turning pink. Scratching the back of her head, Ziva cleared her throat.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to..."

Adams smiled at Shepard as he began to stand up gingerly. When the Normandy crashed he took a nasty spill while trying to keep everything running. His left leg took the brunt of it, breaking his fibula in two places.

"It's alright Shepard, I was about to leave anyway. Need to check on that drive core and see what else I can do. Karin, always a pleasure."

"The pleasure is all mine. Perhaps when you're finished we could meet back here for dinner?"

Shepard couldn't help but smile at the two. She was glad that they could find happiness with one another. They deserved it after all, with everything they have been through.

"I would love to."

The smile was still on Shepard's face as Greg began to walk past her. But, she didn't allow him to get to far as she placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"How's your leg doing?"

"It's... doing. I mean, I can't complain, but I can say that I don't envy Jeff in the slightest."

They both shared a laugh, but Adams slowly regained his composure as he leaned closer to Shepard, motioning toward Karin.

"She's been worried sick about you, you know?"

"I know, it's just..."

Shepard gaze fell to the floor as her guilt began to overwhelm her. She knew that she should have done this awhile ago, but she was so angry, and she wasn't sure what to say or even where to start.

"Everything will be okay, but sometimes you just have to let things go. Life's too short to keep those you care for at arms length."

His hand on her shoulder made her look in his eyes, and she knew he was right, especially in the situation they were in. He always reminded her of her uncle Samus, always filled with so much advice and wisdom. Though when she was young she wouldn't pay much attention because she thought she knew everything about anything. How foolish she was.

Ziva placed a hand on Adam's and nodded her head, letting him know that she will take it to heart. As he left the room, her eyes followed him, not because she wanted to make sure he was actually leaving, but because she wasn't ready to look at Karin's face; afraid of what she would find.

"You wanted to talk to me Shepard?"

Just by the sound of the Doctor's voice, Shepard could tell she was already worried, but yet happy. Happy because she has finally found the time to talk with her instead of avoiding her at every turn.

Shepard looked at Karin with a weak smile as she slowly made her way to the table. She started to debate whether or not if she should just start with friendly conversation like "how have you been," "what have you been up to," or just jump right in.

"Ah..."

Taking a seat across from Chakwas, Shepard's gaze fell to the table top as her hands rested on her lap, her fingers began to fiddle with one another nervously.

Closing her eyes, Ziva tried to compose herself as best she could, but she couldn't hold it as she just blurted out the question that has been plaguing her for the last couple of days.

"Why... why didn't you tell me I was pregnant?"

Karin sat back in her chair as she stared at Shepard; speechless. Is this why she has been skipping out on their appointments? The reason why she has been avoiding her? She began to rub her forehead as she prepared to explain.

"Shepard you have to-"

"Just answer the question."

Hearing the Doctor beginning to attempt to justify her actions only irritated the Commander, holding her hand out to signal for the Doctor to stop talking when she interrupted her. She didn't want excuses, just simple answers as she let her unsettled hand rest upon the table.

Chakwas stared into Shepard's eyes and she could tell that she was hurt. Hurt because she didn't tell her about the baby.

"When I found out, you were still unconscious, and to be honest I didn't believe it myself. I thought that maybe my Omni Tool was malfunctioning."

The Doctor hesitated for a moment, opening her mouth to speak, but stopping herself prematurely. She began to replay the entire scenario in her head as her gaze fell wayside. She had the best of intentions in all her actions, she couldn't ever possibly have imagined Shepard reacting this way to her decision.

"Then when you finally woke up, I was able to do a more thorough testing. Each one ended in the same conclusion. I had intended on telling you, but the state you were in kept me from doing so. I thought it was better for me to tell Garrus and it could be something you two could celebrate together."

Her face saddened as she looked across the table at her friend. It was obvious to the entire crew knew that her and Garrus had hit some hard times, and it didn't take much for the Doctor to put two and two together. Even now, she couldn't help but feel somewhat responsible for their current turmoil.

"I guess I was mistaken."

Struggling with her words, Shepard wasn't sure how to describe what she was feeling. Betrayed, hurt.

"It's just... it's just that, if you would have told me, I could have figured things out you know? What to expect, what not to expect. There is just so much I don't know, and I don't even know if I'm ready."

This made Chakwas laugh slightly. In her opinion, Shepard was preaching to the choir.

"You have to realize that this is new to everyone, even for me. I have seen just about everything possible in the medical field, but I have never come across anything like this. I am just as much in the dark as you are, we all are."

Reaching out, the doctor placed a hand over Shepard's in a reassuring manner.

"But, if you have any questions don't hesitate to ask, I will do my best to answer what I can."

Thinking for a moment, there were so many questions she wanted to ask, and they were just flooding in all at once. Rubbing her forehead she thought that she would ask probably the most important one.

"Will I be able to even have the baby naturally?"

"From what I know about the Turian's, you should be able to have the baby just fine, since their plating doesn't harden till after they are born."

That was good to know, especially since they were running low on medical supplies. That way, if someone needed surgery, the sedatives would go to better use. Suddenly, the Commander's eyes grew wide as she placed her other hand over the doctor's.

"But what about their Fringe? You know, the pointy spiky things on their head"

Shepard asked as she put her palm of her right hand on top of her head, and sprawled out her fingers, this alone caused the doctor to laugh. Apparently, Shepard didn't consider that as plating, which was understandable since Garrus referred to it as hair in human terms.

"Those come with maturity and it may not even have them at only thing I'm concerned about is your diet."

Sighing, Chakwas took her hand off of Shepard's as it grasped her coffee mug.

"Our body can make dextro out of the things we eat when we need it, so I am sure your body will adapt. I'm just not sure if you should eat dextro abstract to help with the baby's development, or if you can just continue eating normally."

Slowly Chakwas rose her glass to her mouth, taking only a sip of the brown liquid before setting it down as Shepard stared out the window.

"I guess if we wanted to find out that would include more testing?"

Shepard asked as she looked over at Karin with a raised eyebrow. She wasn't a fan of testing, especially if she was feeling fine.

"Yes, it would Commander"

Sighing, Shepard ran her hand through her dark graying hair before standing up and walking to the window behind her. This whole situation was just so complicated, not just for her, but for everyone, and she knew that since this was something new that the doctor would have to treat her as some lab rat. It also made her think of her mother and how she would react to all this, the very thought of her made her chuckle.

"If my mother were here, she would probably be having a cow."

Chakwas looked at Shepard strangely wondering what she meant by that.

"You never told your mother about Garrus?"

"Oh, I did,"

Shepard's voice was very amused as she looked at Karin for a brief second before returning back to the window.

"More times then I think she wanted to hear. But, yeah, she knew about him and about us being together. What's funny is that I never mentioned that he was a Turian, not once-"

As Shepard continued, she didn't realize that Garrus had walked into the room. He placed a hand on Chakwas' shoulder, getting her attention as quietly as he could before gesturing that she leave. The doctor just smiled as she stood up from her seat, leaving the two alone.

" -he made me smile, how he always had my back, and that I loved him and I couldn't imagine my life without him. I wonder if she knew he was a Turian."

Her voice faded a bit as she began to think about it.

"Oh, your mother knew, Shepard."

The sound of Garrus voice startled Ziva as she turned around and looked at him.

"Garrus?"

Her cheeks began to turn red as she turned back to the window, gazing at the darkening forest. _"How long was he standing there?"_ she thought to herself.

"How did you know I would be here?"

"I ran into Adams on my way to the mess hall. Said I would find you here"

"Oh."

Clearing his throat he hesitated before finally walking up beside her.

The silence began to become unbearable, he finally had an opportunity to speak with her, and now he was at a loss for words. If anything, this could be the only chance of redemption he was going to get, so Garrus just thought he would continue about how her mother knew about him being a Turian.

"A few months back, she contacted me. Saying it was urgent."

Just remembering that moment made him laugh.

"I can still remember her face when she looked at me. I guess I wasn't what she was expecting, since she went on to ask if I was a Turian."

Shepard looked at him a bit horrified.

"What did you say?"

She asked slowly as she grabbed his bicep. Shepard hoped that Garrus didn't say something stupid, or embarrassing cause sometimes human behaviors go right over his head. Just like when Dr. Michel gave him Turian chocolate.

She never did tell him about the email she received from her back when they were going after the Collectors, but now seeing how dense he was, he would have probably thought it was Michel being concerned for him, and nothing more.

"I said last time I checked, but I could always check again just to make sure. It made her laugh, and it.. broke the ice? I think that's the terminology that you use. Then, she asked me a list of questions about us, and if I was treating you right. By the end of our conversation she gave me a warning: that if I ever hurt you, that I would feel her wrath."

Smiling slightly she released her hold on him and just folded her arms in front of her chest. All this time he had her mother's approval, and neither one of them let her know about it. A part of her wanted to be happy with the fact her mother and her boyfriend had a secret with one another, and the other part of her wanted to be furious because they let her worry about whether or not the two were able to accept one another.

"Why haven't you told me this before?"

Garrus' gaze fell back to the window as he cleared his throat.

"Because, she asked me not to...and because it made me feel ashamed."

"Ashamed?"

Shepard placed a hand on his cheek, pushing it slightly so he would look at her. He complied, but as he did he took her hand off his cheek.

"I... never told my dad or my sister about us. I mean, they knew about you, they just didn't know that we were romantically involved. Hell, I didn't even know where we stood after you were contained."

Taking a step forward, Shepard wrapped her arms around his neck as his hands fell to her hips. In times like these she was glad that he didn't wear his armor. Neither one of them knew that they would become more romantically involved over time; how could they have predicted something like that?

"It's okay-"

"No it's not. I should have been honest with them."

As he lowered his head, she leaned her forehead against his as she began to rub the back of his neck, trying to relax him.

"It's really okay Garrus. Besides, didn't you tell me that your father wouldn't like me anyways?"

This made Garrus laugh as he thought back when Shepard first recruited him. He stated that since she was a Spectre his father wouldn't care for her much, because of the freedom she possessed. She didn't have to follow rules and regulations, but what was funny is that with all that freedom she still chose to walk the straight and narrow.

"Back when we were going after Saren? Yeah, he wouldn't have liked you. Now though? I think he would accept you. Maybe even talk you into getting the proper facial tattoo; for our joining."

Garrus took a step forward closing the gap in between them a bit more as Shepard smiled up at him.

"I thought that tattoos gave you headaches?"

"One tattoo is fine. If you're going to get crazy with it like Jack, then you're going to give me a headache."

His grip tightened around her waist as he pulled her even closer,

"Promise me you'll never do that."

"I promise"

She said through a chuckle.

As they stood there in each other arms in silence, Shepard began to think back to their argument. Something they were apparently avoiding. Her smile faded as she laid her head against his chest, knowing what she should have told him to begin with.

"I'm sorry for the way I reacted. I... I'm scared Garrus."

Garrus just embraced her, leaning his head against hers as he stroked her hair.

"I know, and so am I, but if we ran away from everything that scared us then well...we probably wouldn't be alive right now."

Lifting her chin up with his talon, he gazed into her eyes.

"We'll get through this like we do everything else: together."

Leaning down he pressed his "lips" against hers and he was a bit surprised that she was so accepting, but he knew he shouldn't press his luck any further, no matter how tempting James made make up sex to be. Instead, he was going to savor this moment.


	6. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five: The Cruel Truth**

Garrus was sitting across from Shepard in the mess hall, tapping his fork against the side of his food tray, contemplating the decision she had made. Ziva had called a crew meeting to discuss a few matters amongst everyone, including her decision back on the Citadel. He understood that people needed to know what happened, and that she did what she thought was best for everyone. But, trying to justify it to people who would have a different outlook on the situation, well, that was a whole different story.

"Are you sure you want to go through with this, Shepard? "

Rubbing the back of his neck, he looked up at Shepard as he sat his fork down on his tray.

"'Cause I can think of a few people that aren't going to be too happy about the choice you made."

Shepard stopped mid bite as she thought about who he was referring too. The obvious answer was Joker, who would be amongst those who would disagree with her decision. If he was in her position, he would have probably picked Synthesis out of selfishness rather than thinking about the rest of the galaxy.

Setting down her utensil, she began to mess with her napkin with her other hand.

"I know, but I can't keep it from them forever. They need to know the truth, no matter how hard it is to tell. I killed the Geth, and Edi to destroy the Reapers; something we all strived to do from day one. If they can't keep that in mind, then..."

Sighing, she leaned back in her chair.

"I will be more then happy to explain my actions, and I can only hope that they will be understanding, and that their anger will subside so they can see the bigger picture. We are alive, the Reapers will never return, and that we can make things better for our children."

Garrus almost couldn't resist a smile when she mentioned children. It caused him to stand up and smoothly move over to the seat beside her.

"Speaking of which,"

he said, as he put an arm over her shoulders, and his hand on her belly, causing her to giggle.

"So when will I be able to feel him?"

The question alone made Ziva look away from him, and down at his hand. Chakwas had told her that they should be able to feel the baby kick between sixteen and twenty five weeks, long after Garrus' food rations would be expired.

With a smile she placed her hand on his cheek. She didn't want to talk about such things cause it would only remind him that he may not be able to live through every single moment of their child's life.

"Well, in a few more days Chakwas is going to be doing an ultrasound, so you'll get to see him or her."

Garrus looked up at her with a raised brow.

"Oh it's gonna be a boy."

Ziva just laughed at how sure he was about their child being a boy, even going ahead and picking out a name: Tiberius. She didn't know how he could be so sure, unless Turians had control over such things, or they have some third sense she doesn't know about.

But, before she could even comment on the matter, she heard Tali calling from behind her.

"Shepard!"

Looking over her shoulder Garrus raised his hand to her to get her attention. This is one of the few moments that Garrus and Shepard could have alone time together, besides the night hours, and he would be damned if it was going to be ruined.

"I'll handle this."

Without a second thought, Ziva grabbed his arm to stop him from standing. This wasn't the time to be causing problems. Besides, she already knew what Tali wanted, and if Garrus stepped in then she would assume that Shepard was trying to avoid her.

"It's okay Garrus, I can deal with Tali."

Garrus just stared at her making sure she would be up for it. She was under enough stress as it is. When she nodded her head, he slowly reclaimed his seat as Tali approached the head of the table, slamming her hands down.

"How could you go behind my back and try to renegotiate my expedition? You already approved of it, Shepard! Now we are going to have a meeting about it, and leave it up to a vote? How could you do that to me?"

Sighing, Shepard could already feel a headache coming on as she leaned forward, resting her arms on the table so she could look at Tali directly.

"Tali, you have to understand that your mission doesn't just involve the lives of you and Garrus, and for me to just make a decision like that without consulting everyone is-"

"But, you are our Commanding officer! We take our command and lead from you."

"Well, Tali, if you want to look at it that way, then, your commanding officer at the time told you no, and since you didn't like his answer you came to me knowing I would be more sympathetic, and you were right. But, in the situation we find ourselves in, we can't just look to our leaders. Sometimes we have to look to our companions."

"But-"

"This expedition can be life threatening,"

Shepard interrupted with a raised voice.

"If people vote in your favor, then you'll still get to go, and if people want to sacrifice themselves for it then they can if they want to. I am trying to be fair to everyone, Tali, because I could have easily just went with Kaidan's decision since he was the Commanding officer at the time. So, if you would prefer..."

Tali simply stood there staring at Shepard, realizing that she was trying to stop a conflict before it even started. For her to overrule Kaidan like she did probably caused some controversy, so in an effort to keep the peace, and still give Tali a chance to get what she wanted, Ziva had to involve everyone.

"No, Shepard, it's alright. I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry too..."

As the Quarian walked away, Shepard couldn't help but feel bad. But, she had to do what was best for everyone. Somehow she still had to show Kaidan respect for being the Commanding officer, and also show the crew that their voices mattered. Something she wished she had when she was faced with a decision that affected everyone.

Garrus couldn't help but notice that Shepard was staring off.

"Are you alright?"

Hearing his voice snapped Shepard out of her trance as she looked over at Garrus with a smile.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just wish Tali could see how lucky she is."

Standing up, Shepard grabbed her tray, but as she rose, so did Garrus as he grabbed her tray from her. Placing a hand on her shoulder, he sighed.

"I'll clean this up. Why don't you go upstairs and get some rest?"

"I doubt I'll get any. I have so much on my mind and with the nausea..."

"Hmm...Well, how about I come up with you and try to help you relax."

Smirking a bit, Shepard could sense the sensual tone in his voice, which caused her to look over at the Gun Battery door just behind them. She knew what was on Garrus' mind, but maybe this time they could try some new scenery.

"You know, it was always a fantasy of mine that you would have your way with me in the Gun Battery. In my mind, you would lift me up and set me down right on that control panel of yours."

Looking over at him with a smile she noticed that his eyes had widened.

"What?"

"If I did that, do you realize how many things I would have to recalibrate?"

Shepard couldn't help but laugh at his simple mind. Rolling her eyes she just waved it off.

"Just forget it."

When he looked over at the door, he hadn't noticed that Ziva took the food tray out of his hand. He never thought of the Gun Battery to be somewhere where you would have an intimate moment. It was always his place of solitude, so to turn it to a place where they could be intimate? Well, that was new to him.

Once Ziva placed their dishes in the kitchen, she went back to Garrus, who was still staring down at the Gun Battery, seemingly contemplating.

"Garrus, it's only a fantasy, you don't have-"

Before she could say another word, Garrus had placed his hands below her derriere and lifted her up, causing her to wrap her legs around his waist, and her arms around his neck. Looking down at him she wasn't sure what he was doing. But as he started walking towards the battery, her cheeks started to turn red as she noticed some of the crew take notice.

"You don't have to fulfil that fantasy now."

It wasn't that she was cowering out, but this was just a little forward. She thought that maybe it was something they could do late at night when the others were sleeping. Not out in the open where it was obvious what they were going to go do.

"If not now then when?"

His voice was in a deep low growl that just sent shivers up her spine. At that moment it didn't seem to matter who was watching or who would know about their little adventure because he was right if not now then when?

Leaning down she began to kiss him, their tongues finding their way to each other as the Gun Battery door opened. When they stepped inside Garrus just set her on his control panel and began to nibble at her neck, making her giggle while the door closed behind them.

* * *

><p>Ever since Kaidan canceled any further scouting trips, James couldn't help but wonder if it had anything to do with their little incident. The more he let it fester, the more he wanted to go back to the place Kadian was running from. There had to be something terrifying there since he didn't want to return to collect his weapon. But, if it was that terrifying, why wouldn't he tell Vega what he saw? Or, anyone else for that matter? The longer he sat on the issue, the more he was determined to go see what exactly was going on inside that gully, and what better time to go check it out when everyone was gathering together for a meeting?<p>

As he was suiting up in his combat engineer armor, he looked over his shoulder to see Steve Cortez leaning against one of the pile of crates that created one of the walls for his three sided room. Smiling,he continued dressing before sitting down on his cot where he began to put on his boots.

"Enjoying the show, Esteban?"

As James chuckled, Steve just looked at him curiously, wondering what he was up to.

"I didn't realize this meeting was being taken so seriously. Should I bring my pistol with me? You know, just incase?"

"I'm not going to the meeting."

Cortez simply rolled his eyes.

Anyone with eyes could see that Vega had something else up his sleeve. No normal, sane person suits up for an all out firefight for a meeting. It wasn't like they were having a meeting with the Bartarians, or the Reapers. It was just amongst the crew; their friends.

Then, Steve began to think. After James returned from the scouting trip with Kaidan he seemed a little.. off. Pissed was more like it. Squinting slightly, he pondered.

"This wouldn't have anything to do with Major Alenko would it?"

Hearing the question made James stop lacing up his boot. This wasn't all about Kaidan, it was about something more. He was keeping something from them, and it wasn't right. They needed to trust one another, and if they couldn't even trust one of their commanding officers, then who could they trust?

Slowly, James went back to what he was doing.

"All I need you to do is cover for me."

"Oh, is that all?"

Cortez repeated back, as if it were just that simple. After he was finished lacing up, James stood up and grabbed his assault rifle.

"With any luck, you won't have to."

Steve couldn't help but laugh.

"Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but they're going to notice your absence. You sort of stick out like a sore thumb."

Vega simply went about inspecting his firearm as Cortez spoke. The point of him missing wasn't really what he was worried about, it was just making sure no one came looking for him.

"You're a smart guy, I'm sure you'll come up with something."

Vega didn't say another word as he stood up, placing his rifle on his shoulder holster as he made his way past Cortez and out the just watched after him for a moment wondering what excuse he could come up with that was at least believable. He exhaled heavily as he pushed himself off of the crates, and he couldn't help but wonder how he kept getting himself roped into these situations.

* * *

><p>The crew all gathered in the mess hall as Shepard and Kaidan sat at a table that was placed facing the crowd between the kitchen and med bay. Instinctively, Ziva began doing a head count, and so was Kaidan. When people began to take their seats, Ziva nudged Kaidan and whispered.<p>

"I don't see Joker anywhere."

Kaidan took a glance around the crowd, and he didn't see him either. He wasn't too surprised. Ever Since Edi went offline, he'd been keeping to himself, finding things to take up most of his time. Leaning over to Shepard, he cleared his throat.

"I wouldn't worry about him, Commander. I'll brief him when we're done."

Shepard smiled slightly and nodded her head as she looked around the crowd once more, and she quickly noticed that Joker wasn't the only one who was missing.

"Where's James?'

The two began to look around the room as it seemed that every one had taken their seats, or found a place against the wall too lean on. Kaidan rose from his seat while he cleared his throat.

"Has anyone seen Lieutenant Vega?"

The crew began to look around the room and began to whisper amongst one another. After a moment Steve Cortez cleared his throat as he raised his hand and stood up, knowing that James owed him big time for covering his ass.

"Our illustrious Mr. Vega isn't at a hundred percent. So, he decided to sit this one out."

Kaidan and Shepard looked at one another for a brief moment before just letting it be. The last meeting they had he didn't leave in the most pleasant of ways. So, if he didn't want to come to this one, then it was one less repair they had to make. As Kaidan sat down, he gestured his hand to the crew.

"The floor is yours, Shepard."

Standing up, Shepard had somewhat of a smile on her face.

"Now that... most of us are here, there are a few matters that we are going to discuss. We are going to go over Tali's expedition, since there seems to be some concern on the matter. Also, I am going to share with you what happened back on Earth. So, Tali, if you would please stand."

Tali sheepishly rose to her feet, fiddling with her fingers. She didn't know why, but she was beginning to feel the same way she did when she put on trial in front of the Admirals. As she looked up to Shepard and Kaidan, he met her gaze as he too stood up, feeling it best that he would let people know the full story of what happened.

"As your appointed Commander, Tali came to me and asked if I would approve her expedition to find the dextro plant that could very well be the answer to her's and Garrus' survival. I, thinking it best to not throw people out to the unknown, declined her offer, stating it was too dangerous; too dangerous to just send people out unless there was a guarantee that the plant could be found. "

Kaidan's eyes now fell to the crew as he continued.

"Not getting the answer she wanted, Tali turned to Commander Shepard, who would be more sympathetic to the matter. Shepard didn't just approve her expedition but she even told her to get a party together. Now, seeing what transpired, Shepard and I have come together and decided that she would argue her case to all of you, and have you decide whether or not you approve and are willing to sacrifice your lives for this. So, Tali, if you please."

Gesturing toward Tali, Kaidan sat back down as he watched the way Tali was looking at Shepard. She was looking for a helping hand, and Ziva couldn't give it to her. Soon the nervous Quarian brought up her omni tool, having it project a hologram image of the plant for all to see.

"The plant is called the Euphorbiaceae. It's a plant that produces the very substance that Garrus and I need for nourishment, is good possibility that it grows on this planet. There is an area not far from here that goes through similar weather patterns where this plant would flourish. It'd be in an area covered in lush vegetation, so I'll know where to look. If...When we are successful, then we will be able to bring back a sample, and possibly begin to grow it for ourselves. And before you make your decision, just remember that we need to stick together and help provide for one another; keelah se'lai."

After Tali sat down, the room grew quiet as Shepard stood up. It was obvious that the room was divided. There was the low hum of chatter beginning to spread across the room as the crew mates contemplated amongst one another. It seemed, that even the closest of friends were being torn on this decision.

"Those who are not in favor of this expedition, please raise their hand."

Looking amongst the crew, slowly hands began to raise, Kaidan's being the first. This alone caused Tali to look around amongst her friends, especially when engineer Adams raised his hand.

Once there were no more hands being raised Shepard motioned for them to put their hands down.

"Those in favor?"

Shepard raised her hand without hesitation, alongside Garrus. With each passing second, slowly more people raised their hands and soon there was a tie. This wasn't going to solve anything, especially when Shepard saw that people were trying to stay neutral in the situation. Then another hand raised: Diana Allers. A faint smile appeared on Shepard's face as the hands began to lower.

Kaidan didn't seem too happy about it, but he couldn't argue the numbers. Clearing his throat he sat forward, folding his hands over the desk in front of him.

"Now that you have approved her expedition, who amongst you are willing to accompany Tali?"

Again, the crew began to talk amongst themselves. It seemed evident that people were willing to support the expedition, but not extend a helping hand in getting it done. Shepard began to search the room for any one; just anyone to volunteer. She would volunteer herself, but with her condition, she doubt Garrus would allow it.

"I will."

Garrus' voice carried through out the room as he stood. Shepard just stared, a look of utter shock on her face. He hadn't talked to her about this, or even mentioned that he even thought about going. It seemed so uncharacteristic of Garrus to keep anything from her, especially something like this. This mission was a life or death situation, and she would have assumed Garrus would have wanted to spend what was potentially his final few days alive with his family. Shepard couldn't help but wonder what his motives were.

Kaidan began to look around the room to see if there would be any more volunteers, and he didn't have to look long as Ken from engineering began to stand.

"And I"

Gabby just stared up at him as she whispered.

"Kenneth."

"Hush down woman, I know what I'm doing."

Gabby just looked at him for a moment before she started to stand knowing she wasn't going to let him do this on his own but Ken put a firm hand on her shoulder and pushed her down.

"Adams can't fix the Normandy by himself, he's gonna need you."

Closing his eyes, Kaidan began to rub his temple. Ken was in engineering for a reason and it wasn't due to his "expertise" on weaponry.

"Anyone else?"

"We'll go, sir."

In the back stood Bethany Westmoreland, and Sarah Campbell saluting. Sarah took a step forward with a sort of smile on her face.

"We've been guarding a door this whole god damn time, so I think we've earned the right to see some action."

Beth's eyes widened as she stepped forward. She wasn't too sure about the action part. Sure she was a soldier but sometimes the less action you saw the longer your lifespan seemed to be.

"Or do something a bit more memorable... at least."

The mess hall filled with a little bit of laughter as Shepard couldn't help but laugh as well. Those two girls never saw action, they never contributed to anything except making sure no one went to the War room without proper authorization.

"So then it's settled. Garrus, Ken, Beth, and Sarah will accompany you, you will gather everything you need, and leave at first light the following day."

As everyone sat back down, Kaidan looked over at Shepard. He had a feeling that the next topic wouldn't go so smoothly. When she came to him about having this meeting, it seemed that there was a lot that was on her mind, especially what the crew would think of her once it was all said and done. All he could tell her was that, whatever happened down there, happened, and that she couldn't change it now no matter what they did. The people who are going to be angry will just have to get over it.

"Now, it is Shepard's turn to take her stand. She will explain to you what happened with the Crucible, and I ask that you show her respect. Not only as your Commanding officer, but as your friend. Whenever you're ready, Shepard."

Slowly, Shepard began to stand as she looked amongst all the faces looking back at her. They wanted to know what happened, they needed to know but how much should she tell them? Should she start from the beginning where she was hit by the beam? Or, should she just go straight to the Catalyst? Finding Garrus, he gave her a reassuring nod. Taking a deep breath she decided it best to start from the beginning.

She spoke about Project Hammer, and how she got shot by Harbinger. After that, she assumed that Admiral Hackett called back the Alliance forces, because the area was too hot. Then, when she awoke, somehow she was able to push herself forward and make it to the conduit and on to the Citadel that was the Catalyst. Once there, she met up with Anderson and the Illusive man. She wasn't sure how the Illusive man go on the citadel but she wasn't really in the position to ask. Then Ziva began to get choked up. Anderson was like a father to her, and to have him die the way he did... she just wished that there was more time.

"Then something went wrong; the Crucible, it wasn't firing. I went to the control panel but before I got there I blacked out, due to blood loss I think. When I awoke, I wasn't sure where I was this hologram image of a small boy came to me telling me it was the Catalyst and told me that his solution to chaos is no longer valid and a new solution must be found. He then gave me three options.I could either Control the Reapers by joining my consciousness to theirs, Synthesis which would fuse organics and synthetics together, or I could Destroy the Reapers, and all synthetic life in the galaxy. No matter which one I chose, the Reapers would "leave," and all Mass Effect Relays would be destroyed."

There was a silence amongst the room as it seemed everyone was trying to wrap their minds around what Shepard was telling them.

"As I stood there thinking about my options, I tried to weigh out the pros and cons. Thinking about what others would do in my position. I thought about Control, and that made me think about the Illusive man. He tried to control them, and looked what happened to him. He became indoctrinated and became nothing more then their puppet. So, then I took synthesis into consideration. I thought about the Geth, EDI, and how they strived to understand us; to be us. But, then I thought about Saren, and what the Reapers turned organics into."

Looking out in the distance, she just shook her head before turning her gaze back to the crew.

"Society as a whole cannot grow without diversity, so to simply combined all life together with synthetics could have had unforeseen repercussions. Even if the Reapers were gone after synthesis, what good was fighting for humanity if humanity ends up crumbling after the fact? The cons outweighed the pros in that situation."

Shepard swallowed hard as the only person she could look at in the room was Garrus..

"Then I looked at destroy. Not only would it destroy the Reaper threat, but it would also destroy some of my closest friends. So many of them already gave their lives to this war, and they had the privilege of doing it willingly. I had to think what they would do in my situation, and I knew that they wouldn't choose control, and I knew that they wouldn't have changed the way we are without consulting us first. So, I did what we all wanted to do since we discovered the Reapers, and what they planned to do to us. So I... chose destroy."

Tears began to stream down Shepard's cheek as she looked around at everyone around her. They were all so quiet. Looking down at her hands as they entangled themselves with one another she continued.

"I know that some of you may not agree with what I have done, but please understand that I did what I thought was best. I did what I thought-"

As she spoke, she looked up to see one of her crew men stand up and salute her. Then, another stood as well, also saluting. Two more stood after that, and then another followed, and even more followed suit. Soon the whole room was standing, saluting her. To know that she had them standing behind her with the decision she had made was a huge weight off her shoulders. Standing up straight she saluted them as well, showing them the same respect they have shown her through all these years.

* * *

><p>The sun was setting by the time James found the spot where he about ran into Kaidan. Going through some of the brush, he looked down at the steep hill that lay before him. Taking a deep breath, he took a step down, leaning his weight on his back leg as he began to slowly slide down the hill. As he reached the bottom, he heard a stick breaking in the distance, which caused him to freeze in place. He wasn't sure what it was, but he hoped that it was more afraid of him then he was of it.<p>

Once it was quiet again, he began to walk forward with his assault rifle raised, just in case what ever made the noise decided to come back. Turning on the flash light below the barrel he continued on until he began to see the weathered buildings covered in jungle vegetation. Slowly he began to lower his rifle. As he approached a cluster of buildings, he noticed at first glance they just looked like ordinary shacks that were common amongst research sights. But, once he tore some of the plants and vines growing up the side of the structures he found a symbol; a human symbol.

Placing his hand by the red marking, he let out a sigh of remorse as he let his head hang, a sense of dread overcoming him. Slavers used these kind of buildings to hold their prisoners hostage until they were able to be shipped and sold to the highest bidders. They must have abandoned them long ago probably leaving whoever were inside to starve.

Continuing his way around, he wondered if there were any survivors from this camp. They could have easily abandoned it and moved somewhere else to throw off other slavers, or perhaps to get Alliance officers off their tail.

Vega's thoughts were broken, however, when suddenly he heard the rustling of footsteps behind him. He walked forward casually, acting as though he didn't notice. But, when it began to get louder and louder he quickly turned around just in time to see a black blur cross his path. Raising up his rifle he called out.

"HEY!"

As quickly as he could, he began to follow what ever it was, mostly going by the sounds it made through the brush. But, soon the sound began to fade, and then there was nothing but the ambient sounds of the darkening forest in his ears. Finally, he stopped running, figuring out that he no longer knew where he was anymore. He began to panic as he looked around the area with his gun raised.

"You shouldn't be here."

A female voice called out from behind him. For some reason, that just boosted his confidence as he activated his translator on his omni tool to see what exactly he was dealing with.

"Oh yeah? Well, how do I know that you shouldn't be here?"

When he looked down at his omni tool, he noticed that it wasn't translating so the person he was talking too wasn't an alien. To James' surprise, it appeared to be a human he was dealing with. As he was distracted, the woman was able to sneak up behind him. But, her plot was foiled as the sound of a twig snapping beneath her foot caused Vega's ears to perk up immediately. With a quick turn he went to elbow whoever it was behind him, but the person had dodged it, and the next thing Vega knew, he had a knee thrust up into his abdomen, nearly knocking the wind out of him. He recovered quickly, managing to shove his attacker away with ease.

He finally got a good look at his opponent; wrapped in an old cloth like cloak, but obviously shorter in stature. Instantly, Vega began to shoot at his moving target; periodically squeezing the trigger as rounds fired off around his target's feet. Whoever this was, they were fast; faster than Vega had anticipated as they quickly managed to get within arms length of Vega, grabbing the front of his rifle and twisting it out from his hands as they threw it aside.

"Well, aren't we feisty?"

Quickly, James went on the offensive, throwing out quick jabs. But, his attacker seemed to easily avoid them, effortlessly ducking and weaving their way around his fists. Frustration began to cloud his mind as James pitched a wild right hook at his nimble adversary. But, just like every other punch, they easily avoided this one as well, but this time Vega felt a sharp kick slam into his ribs as he let out a pained grunt.

"Man, now I feel all warm and fuzzy inside."

Before James even had a chance to smirk, his attacker retaliated. Quickly stepping forward, a fist came flying from underneath its cloak as it collided with Vega's jaw, even causing him to take a step back. His blood began to boil now as his frustrations only grew, quickly regaining his ground as he threw another vicious hook. This time however, Vega anticipated his adversary's skillful dodge, quickly following it up with his opposite hand. Not with a punch, however, as James managed to grab a handful of the attacker's cloak, giving it one hard pull as he yanked it away.

As Vega was finally able to actually see the identity of his attacker, everything around him seemed to suddenly come to a grinding halt. Standing before James was a young and attractive woman. She was about five foot three, and couldn't have been more than a hundred and thirty pounds. She had strawberry blonde hair, and her skin looked like it had been kissed by the sun.

He simply stood, almost frozen in place as his jaw hung agape slightly, his eyes nearly as wide as could be. He wasn't sure what he found more shocking: how hard this small girl could hit, or how attractive she was. Unfortunately, James' assailant wasn't nearly as taken back from having her identity discovered, as she quickly moved toward him and thrusted her foot forward, her heel slamming right into Vega's crotch. Instantly, Vega was rudely awakened from his trance, all of the air seeming to escape from his lungs before he could even utter a noise. He grabbed himself as he dropped to his knees, finally managing to let out a groan of intense pain.

"When did we start playing dirty?"

The woman began to examine the man before her as she leaned down to his level. He was bigger then the men in her colony and he didn't look like a slaver who has come back to reclaim what is "his". Inspecting the symbols on his armor, there was one that represented a man on a horse holding a stick, and around his neck there was a smaller symbol like a broken triangle with stars. Sadly, this didn't really tell her anything, but the way the metal tags dangled from his neck and shined in the dim light intrigued her. Hesitantly, she reached out until they touched the palm of her hand. Grasping the trinkets in her fist, she gave them a good tug to snap them off from around Vegas neck as he began to stir.

As James looked up at her, he realized how curious she was about him. Perhaps she wasn't as hostile as he thought she was. She did only attack him after he just swung at her, so she was defending herself. That was something he could understand. As she flipped over the tags to reveal his name and identification number, he smiled.

"Well, now that you know who I am, It's only fair if you tell me who you are."

As Vega looked at the woman, he let out a sigh as he began to wonder how such a beautiful thing could be so violent. Then again, look at the conditions she was living in. Maybe the same thing happened to her; maybe she crashed on this planet and was forced to survive.

When she didn't react to what he said James tried to grab her attention by attempting to look at her face.

"Does God know you've escaped from heaven?"

This seemed to get the girls attention as she looked confused.

"God? Do you mean the masters?"

James looked at the girl curiously.

"The masters?"

Looking back to where the buildings were, he realized what she was. She was one of the slaves, probably trapped in one of those buildings for god knows how long. Turning to look at her, his face was more of a concerned expression, thinking about what she must have went through.

"Is that what you were? A slave?"

James looked up at the girl as she fiddled with the tags within her hand, and he began to wonder if she knew how to read.

"James Vega, Alliance Military. That's pretty much what the tags say."

He looked up at her with a sort of smile. Usually when you said you were from Alliance Military, people would rejoice, thinking that their saviour has arrived. She was more contemplating about it, which made James ask him self _"who doesn't know about the Alliance Military?_". But, for whatever reason, she stood up, letting him go it seemed as she walked over to her cloak that lay on the ground.

As she picked it up and began to put it back on he heard her speak softly.

"Layna"

Smiling softly he began to grab his bearings as he leaned back on his legs.

"Layna?"

He asked, making sure he heard her angelic voice correctly. He must have, since she didn't correct him.

"What are the chances that we can engage in anything more than just conversation?"

The comment was sarcastic as he let out a chuckle, but it seemed to rub Layna the wrong way as her temper began to get the better of her. As she went to plant her foot against Vega's face she was stopped short when James caught her by the ankle. Vega could see the surprise on her face as she hesitated, and he wouldn't let the opportunity go to waste. Fighting through the pain, he could see the fear starting to fill the girl's eyes as he lifted her up over his shoulder as he rose to his feet, and quickly planting her against a nearby wall.

As James had the girl pinned up against the wall, he looked into her eyes noticing that one was blue and one was green. He began to get lost in them to the point where he didn't even notice how angry Layna was getting. She was practically enraged at this point as her eyes bore a hole through Vega as his mind seemed to wander off again. Gritting her teeth, Layna pushed forward with all of her might, ramming her forehead right into the bridge of Vega's nose. It was more than enough to snap James out of his trance as the blow caused his eyes to water.

Again, Layna took advantage of James absent mindedness as her head met his again, this time bashing her forehead against his, this blow actually causing him to release his hold on her as he staggered back slightly. She obviously had him reeling at this point; his head swimming from the repeated blows to his cranium as he clutched at his throbbing forehead. Ever the opportunist, Layna saw an opportunity to escape, and gladly took it, instantly darting off past Vega as he desperately attempted to regain his bearings.

Shaking off the haze that clouded his mind as best he could, he bolted after the mysterious girl, as she already had quite a lead on him. But as he sprinted after the girl, Vega soon noticed something seemed off. Not about chasing this mysterious girl through the settlement, no, but something was off about his run itself. Something was missing; he didn't hear that familiar clink and clank of his metal tags against his armor. While running, he even placed his hand against his collarbone where they would usually be located, only to find his hand to be empty; even going as far to glance down, only to see nothing but his hand pressed against his armor. His mind instantly became side tracked, suddenly becoming reminded of how the girl made off with his dog tags, and it soon became his undoing. Suddenly, James felt one of his feet hit something; hard. Hard enough to cause him to lose his footing mid run and come crashing to the ground with a heavy thud.

He groaned as he pushed himself up onto one elbow, his head instantly looking in the direction he last saw Layna running, but she was far gone by this point. Cursing under his breath, he rolled over, sitting up as his frustration only seemed to grow at the very thought of him doing something so foolish as to trip. Feeling the weight of whatever snagged him still laying on his foot, he kicked it off, expecting it to be nothing more than a piece of wood, or a rock, perhaps. But, when he saw the object get flung from his foot, he couldn't help but take notice of it. It definitely wasn't a rock, and its shape was far to defined to be any sort of branch or log. Moving closer to the object, his eyebrows began to narrow as he took it into his hands.

Raising to his feet, his eyes stayed locked as he scanned the object up and down, seemingly in disbelief. In Vega's hands rested a gun; a rifle in fact. Not just any rifle, an Alliance issued rifle. He quickly looked over his shoulder, back from where he came from. It couldn't possibly be his gun, how in the world could it have winded up way over here? Soon, his mind managed to piece together the mystery of this lost rifle as his gaze snapped back to it as he held it in his hands.

"Kaidan."

He said, with a growl as his grip tightened around it. Baring his teeth, Vega now found himself at his near boiling point. If Kaidan had indeed dropped his gun here, why would he not say anything about the settlement? It's not like he could have possibly missed these buildings, what did he have to hide? Turning to walk back and retrieve his own gun, Vega suddenly heard another clunk beneath his boot. Instantly he stopped as his foot lifted off of the area it had just stepped down, pressing his foot down again as it again made that metallic thud. Cautiously kneeling down, rifle still in hand, Vega slowly wiped away at the brush and the leaves that covered the ground. Soon, something shiny and metallic began to show through as he began to work more vigorously to uncover whatever laid underneath.

His eyes widened as he took the object in his hand, lifting it up from its cover as he examined it. It was a ration; a food bin, and it wasn't the only one underneath the pile of leaves. Dropping the crate back down, James rose back up to his feet, now feeling more perplexed than anything. Could Kaidan have really known these were here? It wouldn't make sense for him to not tell anyone about these either if he did. How could he benefit from keeping everyone in the dark about finding food? But, then why would it be hidden? Could that be why Layna was here; why she wanted him to stay away?

Vega simply exhaled a heavy sigh as he ran a hand over his head, turning his gaze skyward as he noticed there wasn't much light left in the day; it was time to head back. While not sure what Kaidan's involvement was in this area, he knew the Major would still have quite a bit to answer for as he gripped the rifle in his hand once again.

* * *

><p>Garrus stood in front of Shepard's fish tank while waiting for her to come find him. He wasn't sure how his decision would make Shepard feel, but how could he just stand by and allow people to go out to the unknown to get something that only he and another person needed to survive? It wouldn't be right to have others volunteer in his place, especially if it didn't provide them with anything in the end.<p>

When the door opened to the suite, Garrus turned to see Ziva standing there looking at him. She had a faint smile on her face as her hands were behind her back. He wasn't sure what to say. Should he say sorry? That he should have talked to her about it? As he contemplated, he watched as she slowly walked up to him until she was in front of him.

"So..."

Shepard said as she began to rock back and forth on her feet.

"You're going to accompany Tali on her..."

Garrus exhaled, wondering where this conversation was going to lead them. Hopefully not in the same direction when he told her she was pregnant.

"Yeah, I figured she needed someone who would know how to shoot."

This made her smile as she looked over at the fish tank. He wished he knew what she was thinking right now, but at times she was just quite difficult to read. He began to try and gather his thoughts, try and make her understand where he was coming from. He didn't expect her to be happy about it, but at the very least, he'd like her to have the comfort of understanding his motives. He couldn't just have others carry his burdens, and he wanted to make that perfectly clear.

"I have to do thi-."

"I know."

Shepard said simply as she continued looking at the illuminating tanks. She knew Garrus well enough at this point to where she knew exactly what he was thinking. While him volunteering during the meeting caught her off guard, there was no question in her mind as to why he would do such a thing. Garrus wasn't the type to let someone put themselves in harms way just for his own benefit.

She couldn't help but laugh slightly as she realized the humor in the situation.

"I was actually going to volunteer, but I knew there was no way you would let me go."

Looking back at him it was obvious that Shepard wasn't mad at his decision, but more sad about it, and he could understand why. Here she was, thinking that he was going to be around to witness every moment of their child's growth. Its first kick, heartbeat, everything, and now if things went south, he wouldn't be around for any of it.

Sighing, Garrus decided to attempt to lighten the mood.

"Oh, I wouldn't have minded you going, but I think you know as well as I do that you would be nothing more than a distraction, and a constant thorn in my side. I do mean that in the most charming way."

Leaning over closer to her, Garrus rested a hand on her shoulder.

"I mean, it would be like I was babysitting you. Jumping in front of you if something came out of the forest without even thinking that you'd be firing at whatever it may be. Then, there would be the questions of "are you alright? Hows the baby? Don't eat that!" You know how I'm constantly worrying a-"

"And being overly protective..."

Shepard said with a smirk as they turned to look at each other. Garrus reached out holding her hands with his own as he let out a small chortle.

"Thats just what you get when having a Turian as your boyfriend."

Leaning her head forward Garrus followed suit until their foreheads were against one another. Closing her eyes, Ziva exhaled.

"You're just going to miss so much, and I know how much you wanted to go through this with me."

"I'm still going to be involved, trust me. I plan on writing you at least once a day, and I even talked Chakwas in pushing up the ultrasound so that I can have a reminder why I am going out there in the first place."

"Just come back to me in one piece okay?"

"You know I can't promise you that. Besides, I need some new scars to keep you around."

Opening her eyes, Shepard looked up at him knowing he should know better than that.

"It wasn't your scars that attracted me Garrus."

Raising her eyebrows at him she started to walk away from him allowing her hands to fall from his. Shepard just smiled at him knowing now it would make him wonder what exactly drew her towards him. Turning on her heels she disappeared into the bathroom.

"Must have been the charm then."

Garrus merely muttered to himself as his attention returned to the fish tank before him. He inhaled deeply before letting out a content sigh. It started to feel like everyday they had together potentially may be their last, even if that wasn't the case. He couldn't help but wonder how many more times he and Shepard would be able to share these moments together. But, he had to start thinking positively, because at least they would have tomorrow.


	7. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six: The Other Side**

James stood out side the crew quarters, waiting for Kaidan's meeting with Shepard to come to an end as he eagerly held the Major's assault rifle in his hands, his fingers drumming upon it as he stared at the unmoving door.

Vega didn't get much sleep last night as so many scenarios went through his head about what Kaidan might have encountered down in that gully. The only thing he could think of that seemed logical is that he encountered Layna, and if he told everyone what he found, he would also have to explain how he got beat up by a girl, again. He could only imagine the embarrassment that would come from having to face your peers, and your Commander, in light of losing to some scrawny girl. For once, he actually felt sorry for the guy.

His thoughts were broken, however, when the door suddenly hissed open. James instantly straightened up as he noticed his Commanding Officer approaching him, acknowledging Shepard with a nod.

"Commander."

He managed to catch Shepard's attention as she turned and looked over at James with a smile. She couldn't help but notice he looked like he needed to go back to bed as she looked him up and down.

"You... really don't need to call me that. Just stick with Shepard, or Lola."

"Will do."

An awkward silence filled the air between them as they simply stood before one another. As much as he enjoyed speaking with Shepard whenever possible, Vega really just wanted to go inside, but Shepard was standing in his way. It seemed like she was beginning to look at him somewhat suspiciously as she folded her arms over her chest.

"So, how are you feeling? Cortez said you weren't feeling well."

James laughed a bit sheepishly as he rubbed the back of his neck.

"Yeah... I think it was just allergies or something."

Ziva raised her eyebrow, not remembering him having allergies in his file. This made her begin to wonder what exactly he was hiding, since it wasn't his style to just straight up lie to her. It made her think it was either something serious, and he didn't want her to worry, or it was something personal. In either case, she wasn't going to try and pry any answers out of him. If it was something she needed to know about, she trusted he would tell her.

"Right... Well, whatever the case, I hope you feel better."

Vega gave Shepard another nod before saluting his Commanding Officer. She returned it with a simple nod and a slight smile before making her way past James, and on about her business. Vega finally entered the crew quarters, there finding a less than enthusiastic Kaidan watching him as he sat at the table in the middle of the floor.

"What can I do for you, Mr. Vega?"

Kaidan asked, as though he was already annoyed.

"It's not what you can do for me, its what I did for you."

Taking a seat across from Kaidan, James placed the assault rifle on the table in front of him with a big smile on his face.

"Being the nice guy that I am, I decided to retrieve that for you."

Kaidan's eyebrow lifted slightly as he looked at the rifle presented to him. He couldn't tell what Vega was getting at, it seemed like any other Alliance grade rifle. Besides, James knew that Kaidan had lost his gun, so he didn't see the point of him bringing him this one.

Did Vega really just go out and find another rifle for him? It was then that Kaidan's eyes widened slightly. There, on the butt of the gun was an oh-too-familiar carving. "KA," his initials. He had purposely carved them into his gun after extensively customizing it to his own liking. He had originally done it to make sure everyone knew it was his, now it seems that idea just bit him in the ass.

"Where did you get this?"

"I am going to assume where you dropped it. Unless someone moved it then I got it where ever they moved it too."

Kaidan began to feel a sense of dread came over him as his mind quickly began to piece things together. His heart rate rapidly increased as it became obvious as to what James was getting at. No doubt he had found the rations Kaidan was trying to hide. The next logical step would have been for James to take this information to Shepard, but instead he came to Kaidan with it. Was this blackmail James was attempting? Or maybe, he simply wanted answers? Either way, Kaidan swallowed hard as he quickly attempted to gather his thoughts and tackle things the best way he could.

"Let me explain..."

Kaidan's mind desperately tried to put the words together in his head to attempt to plead his case. But, how could he justify his actions, and have James actually see it his way? In all honestly, his actions were somewhat selfish. But, before he could even begin, Vega cut him off as he held up his hand.

"There's no need to explain, I get it."

"You... get it?"

Kaidan was taken back as his sense of dread subsided somewhat, even sitting back in his seat as his face became puzzled. This turn of events was the last thing Kaidan had expected. But, now the question remained as to why James had come to him knowing what he did. Kaidan's eyes narrowed slightly as it would seem blackmail may indeed be Vega's plan after all.

"What's the catch?"

"Catch? There's no catch. I mean, come on, we are both grown men here."

Vega simply shrugged slightly as he too leaned back in his seat, as if he were getting comfortable, insinuating that they were going to be there for quite some time. All the while, giving the Major a knowing look from across the table as Kaidan simply arched his eyebrow at him.

"Yeah, and?"

"Well... maybe we could confide in one another? I mean, when I got my ass handed to me by Shepard it... hurt my manly pride a little. But, Shepard isn't an ordinary woman."

Kaidan just looked at James with nothing but confusion on his face. What did this have to do with anything?

"Then why would losing to her damage your ego at all? She is your Commanding Officer."

James leaned forward in his chair as he rested his hands on the tabletop, interlocking his fingers together.

"I am sure it put a hefty bruise on your ego when Eva got the better of you."

"She was a robot; an AI."

"Still, she was woman like, and I know it's never easy for a man to admit he's lost to a woman in any form. But, hey, it's happened to the best of us, so there's really no need in trying to hide it."

Kaidan couldn't help but tilt his head at Vega as he spoke. It never was a secret that Eva nearly cost him his life. He never tried to keep it under wraps. How could he have? He was laid up in Huerta Memorial Hospital for weeks after the incident.

"What are you going on about, Lieutenant?"

"I'm just saying, you weren't the only one who was bested by that forest ninja back at that settlement. She got in more than a few good knocks on yours truly."

It seemed the more Vega spoke, the more perplexed Kaidan became. What was he talking about; forrest ninja? It couldn't be any sort of Cerberus Phantom, if they were on the planet, there would have to be more than just a Phantom out roaming around. Vega quickly picked up on Kaidan's confusion as he shared his perplexed expression, he then pointed behind him with his thumb.

"You know, the blonde haired girl that was back at that old abandoned slaver settlement?"

Kaidan's expression instantly shifted from confusion to bewilderment as Vega mentioned a blonde haired girl. So, there were other people on this planet besides the crew of the Normandy? The possibility of this girl actually being a Cerberus trooper didn't immediately enter Kaidan's mind, as he found himself more fascinated by the prospect of there actually being other living sentient beings on this planet. The doors this could possibly open were near endless.

"There was no 'girl' when I got there, Vega. You're telling me that you encountered another human being on this planet? Who have you told about this? Does Shepard know?"

James began to blush slightly as he rubbed the back of his head. He had refrained from telling Shepard about Layna simply because he wanted to come to Kaidan with this news. While, as a member of Alliance military, reporting such a find to the Commander should be top priority, he really wanted to have something he and Kaidan could have in common, even if it was this one thing. Apparently that plan had quickly gone horribly wrong.

"Ahh...well...uh..."

Kaidan's expression soured as Vega hesitated. His hesitation was all he really needed to hear before he could easily figure out Vega had kept this tidbit of information to himself.

"So, you found my rifle, and you found some girl, Is there anything else you want to inform me on?"

Vega's eyes moved around the room, wondering if he should mention the food bins. Again, it would be the best, the most logical step to take, but what if they were Layna's and her people's? He couldn't just say he found them. That would cause Shepard and Kaidan to go get them, and then that may cause some problems with Layna's tribe. Problems that they just didn't need.

"No, there wasn't anything else."

Kaidan leaned back in his chair, exhaling in relief. If Vega hadn't found them, then he must have hid them better than he had anticipated. That gave him a sense of confidence knowing that anyone could come and go as they please without discovering the food rations, and thus, his plan was in no danger of being derailed.

"Tomorrow, you, Shepard, and I will go to the abandoned buildings, and see what else we can find or discover. Hopefully that girl you ran into will be there, or anyone else for that matter, and maybe they can give us some answers. Hell, they might even be able to help us."

"I thought you cancelled any further scouting trips?"

"With half of the crew going to find some dextro plant we have to do what we can here. Maybe there could be dextro paste in one of those abandoned buildings, who's to say? We won't know until we actually investigate."

James was somewhat taken back by Kaidan's sudden change in attitude. It seemed the second he mentioned Layna, he went from edgy to more than a little curious. Why did he now just want to try and inspect the ruins? Especially since he wasn't actually ever attacked by Layna.

"Does Shepard know?"

He asked, wondering if he even included Shepard in this decision.

"She knows that I'm planning scouting expeditions again. Thats what we were meeting about, just before you came in. I'm sure you saw her on her way out."

Kaidan gestured his hand toward the door as he smirked at Vega.

"I have a sneaking suspicion that you want me to leave..."

"And here I thought I was being subtle."

Vega simply grumbled under his breath as he pushed himself away from the table and rose up from his seat.

"Alright, alright, I'm going."

Without another word, James simply turned and saw himself out. It seemed even when he tried to cut Kaidan some slack, the two were simply just not going to get along with one another. As Kaidan watched the door automatically close behind Vega, he let out one more sigh of relief. While the thought of how dangerously close James Vega was to discovering his real secret hidden within that settlement, he now felt confident enough that no one would accidentally stumble upon it if they were searching around.

This unknown girl presented a new kind of danger, however. If she were there for the food rations, that could bring his entire plan crumbling out from beneath him. The very thought of it just made finding this unknown person all the higher of a priority.

* * *

><p>After her encounter with James, Layna didn't stop to make camp just in case he was still on her heels. The further the distance between them, the chances of him tracking her down dwindled. For some reason though, she couldn't get him out of his head. He was different than the men she grew up with. They always made themselves out to be superior, and they never wanted to get to know the women they were paired off with. James, however, seemed like he wanted to get to know her like he actually cared. What made it even stranger, is that not only did the two seem to come from two completely different walks of life, but they had just finished getting into a sparring match. The very thought of him trying to strike up a conversation despite her just nailing him in the crotch was amusing in itself. It made her want to find out more about this "James Vega."<p>

As she leaned up against a rock wall that surrounded a waterfall, she began to examine James' tags in her hand. Smiling slightly, she almost forgot she had kept them as she began to walk towards the waterfall, placing the tags in her pouch, she knew that she had to return them. They weren't hers, after all, and she was far from being a thief.

As the veil of water passed over her, she couldn't help but grin as she laid her eyes on her home. A colony; littered with buildings similar to that of the abandoned settlement, although the forest hadn't claimed these buildings. They were in prime condition, and the slaver markings were even erased or otherwise removed from them.

Paths had been worn into the ground by the inhabitants of her colony from the constant walking between buildings, almost like a crude sidewalk. Out in the distance she could see fields of healthy crops blowing in the gentle breeze as she walked towards one of the bigger buildings where one of the elders lived. She had to tell him about the man she met in the woods and that there may be more of them. Hopefully she could convince them that they were peaceful, the last thing they needed was to move the colony or even worse start a war.

When she walked passed a group of buildings, Layna felt a quick grab on her arm as she was pulled in one of the dark crevasse between two of them. Before she knew it, she was pinned up against the wall as hungry blue eyes stared at her. Already, she knew it was Angra, one of the "purebloods". They were born with no blemishes, straight teeth, every thing was proportionate, they simply had no imperfections. She never envied them, however, since they were confined in the compound to be pampered by the defects. They never got to see how beautiful the world was, always confined to the same location; the same structures that they've seen their entire lives. They didn't get to see the lush vegetation, or the colorful wildlife that inhabit the world. Even encountering the hostile intruder from earlier was more of a life experience than any pureblood would get to experience. She was blessed in that sense, at least.

Angra didn't scare her though, they seemed to go through the same routine about once a week. It could be worse though. Some purebloods go against the elders wishes and just take advantage of the defects as they see fit, regardless of the possible consequences. Even if Angra were to do something though, and she were to go to an elder, it would be her word against a pureblood's, and sadly, things probably wouldn't go in her favor.

As he held her shoulders, he leaned forward, closing his blue eyes as he began to smell her hair. Layna didn't know what he liked about that, especially since she spent weeks, sometimes months in the forest.

Maybe he liked her smell because it was something different, because purebloods always smelled clean and like some flower. They even got to bath in space cow milk once a week. The elders say its good to keep the skin smooth, but to be honest, Layna just found it disgusting.

Finally, Angra opened his eyes and began to twirl one of Layna's blonde locks around his finger.

"You know, its a real shame, that you can't be categorized as a pureblood."

Rolling her eyes she sighed, she didn't understand why he would say such things, or even try to go after her when it was against their code. Purebloods were not allowed to bed with defects, and defects were not allowed to bed with anyone for the obvious reasons. The elders didn't want the defects imperfections to spread through other DNA strands.

"Even if I was, the elders wouldn't pair me up with you. They would pair me up with Tyros."

Tyros was a man highly respected in her colony. One of the few men that actually treated the defects as equals then as something different.

When she was growing up the elders had already made an agreement that Layna would indeed be paired with Tyros, but when she was ten, one of her blue eyes began to change color. It went from blue, to hazel, and then finally green. This alone caused her to be stripped of the pureblood title and be casted into the defects.

Angra tightened his grip around her arms as he pulled her off the wall a bit before slamming her against it once more causing her to wince in pain.

Catching her breath she coughed a bit.

"This is why they would pair me up with him...you're too violent."

"SHUT UP!"

He yelled in her face, obviously not being a fan of her sarcastic tone.

Of all the higher class citizens of the colony, Angra tended to be held in the highest of standards. Throughout their time on this planet, his bloodline was never once tainted. All of his family's offspring have been born as purebloods, never once did a defective child reside within their families, all starting back to Angra's grandparents. Attention like that could go to a person's head quite easily.

"Everyone knows that my blood line is the purest. It has a higher success rate in not creating imperfections like you."

"You know with how disgusted you are with me, you seem to like me quite a bit..."

Letting out a sigh, Angra let her go as he looked out of the tiny alley and out to the colony. He wasn't going to ravish her like most of the men would, thinking they had so much power over someone when in all honestly they had none. Even Purebloods had to abide by the rules the Elders placed in front of them, and the consequences were just as severe for anyone who broke them.

"It's because the Elders don't understand. my blood could fix your imperfection and it would show in our offspring. But instead, they just dangle you out like some forbidden fruit that no one can have."

"That's because you can't or that would lead to your death and mine, and I don't know about you, but I am quite fond of my life, so if you don't mind..."

Gritting his teeth in anger, Angra reared his fist back, acting as if he were going to strike her. Layna, however, didn't even bother to try and defend herself. God knows the consequences she would have to face for getting into a skirmish with a pureblood. But, as Angra went to swing at her, he was cut short as someone called out to him.

"ANGRA!"

Turning around, Angra and Layna saw Elder Samus standing there with Tyros. Slowly Angra retreated his fist back as he now carried a look of being ashamed. Being a pureblood, one was expected to carry themselves with a higher standard than the rest. They were considered the prime of their society, and they were to act as such. They set an example to the rest of the tribe as to what appropriate behavior was, and Angra's was unacceptable at this moment. Simply because he was a higher social class than Layna didn't excuse him from the rules.

"That will be enough."

Layna walked toward the two men, but not before "accidentally" stepping on Angra's foot, putting all her weight on it and slightly twisting it just to add a little more zing to it. Angra inhaled sharply as he felt pain suddenly go rushing through his foot, even jerking back as he cursed under his breath, raising his leg up to clutch his foot as his eyes darted toward Layna as she simply continued to walk away from him.

As the Elder just stared at her with his gray narrow brows, Tyros just chuckled as he ran his hand through his short black hair. He always found Layna's antics to be comical, and well deserved. She never just went out of her way to purposely hurt someone just for shits and giggles.

"Layna, was that really necessary?"

Layna just rolled her eyes as she folded her arms across her chest.

"Well now his toes will match the bruises he placed on my arms. It's only fair."

Leaning over to her ear, Tyros put a hand over his mouth as though he was whispering in her ear, but his deep voice carried as he spoke.

"If you ask me, he got the better end of the deal. Because, while he gets bathed and pampered poor little Layna will be forced to gather us food and firewood while using those bruised arms of hers."

Tyros and Layna started to laugh amongst themselves as Samus was obviously not amused. Despite the twos engagement being broken off some years ago, the two continued to grow closer, regardless. Even after the elders had tried to keep the two as separate as possible, they still found ways to come together. The last thing the tribe needed was unauthorized fraternization. They had a system, and it was not to be trifled with.

"Tyros why don't you go check on how Angra is doing, I need to talk to Layne privately."

Tyros pursed his lips together as Samus ordered him away. With a simple nod toward his Elder, he gave Layna one last glance before making his way through the alley, Layna's gaze followed him before having her attention brought back to her Elder.

"You need to stop toying with that boy."

She couldn't help but sigh slightly as Samus began. She was sure this was going to be another lecture on how everything that transpired with Angra was her own doing. This seemed to be one of the many curses of being a defective: when compared to a Pureblood, the Purebloods can do no wrong. Even despite her minding her own business when all of this began, the blame would be pegged on her. It wouldn't be the first time this had happened.

"Well he needs to stop pulling me into dark alleys an-"

"Not Angra; Tyros."

Layna seemed instantly taken back by her Elder's comment. She didn't quite understand what he was getting at. Even if her and Tyros were no longer to be paired together, did that necessarily mean they couldn't have any form of communication with each other what so ever?

She couldn't help but feel somewhat annoyed by the entire situation as her gaze slowly drifted towards the ground.

"I'm sorry, if it would please you, I shall only talk to the Elders."

His brow furrowed further as she spoke. She should know by now that her sarcasm wasn't appreciated by him.

"So, tell me what you have discovered."

"I found that there are other occupants here, Samus, but they don't know this world as we do. I... met one of them and he revealed to me his name and that he was Alliance Military. I'm not sure what exactly that means, but I found this around his neck."

As she digged in her pouch, she pulled out the shiny piece and handed it over to the Elder. When he took it, he began to examine the shiny object closely. As he read the tags, his hands began to tremble, and he began to look pale. This concerned Layna as she placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Are you alright?"

She hoped that the appearance of these outsiders wasn't any sort of bad omen. She had already taken interest in the first of these foreigners, and her mind could only wonder if there were more, and what they were like. The only people she's ever seen were her own tribesmen, so the discovery of other people was exciting in of itself.

Samus handed Layna back the object as he cleared his throat and tugged on her cloak to bring her closer to him.

"I want you to tell no one about these other people, and make sure that they are not a threat."

She couldn't help but feel somewhat nervous about the task given to her. Sure, she managed to best just one of these strangers, but what if there were indeed more? Layna wasn't sure if she would be able to handle three or four of these gun toting "soldiers" at once.

"How do you want me to go about that exactly?"

"Get to know them, see what makes them tick, and for god sakes find out why they're here to begin with."

"But, what about my duties to provide? I mean..."

"Don't worry we will get Caleb to take over your duties for the time being."

her face twisted somewhat at the very mention of Caleb's name. Caleb wasn't a bad guy by any stretch of the imagination, but he wasn't exactly the most competent of the tribe members. He was somewhat clumsy, and quite forgetful at times. He seemed easily distracted, and somehow managed to make some of the simplest of tasks so complicated. But, at this point, she couldn't really complain.

"As you wish, Samus."

Placing a fist over her heart she bends down slightly before leaving the Elder's side to gather some supplies for her newest adventure. To say she was excited at this point would be an understatement. Whether Samus knew it or not, he had just played into exactly what she wanted. Not only was she able to spend more time around these new settlers, but she was doing it with the blessing of the tribe Elders. She couldn't help but smile at the very thought of encountering James Vega once again.

* * *

><p>Garrus looked over at Ziva, as Tali handed her one of the crates with supplies they would need for their expedition. He was somewhat upset due to Chakwas not being able to do the ultra sound like she promised, but she never gave a reason she couldn't do it. Or she did, and Shepard didn't feel like filling him in. When Tali was out of view, Garrus walked up to Shepard as he took the crate away from her noticing she was struggling with it a little.<p>

Shepard smiled at him as she put her hands on her lower back, bending back slightly with a grunt while she tried to catch her breath. The crew of the Normandy had been working in a fever pitch ever since it was decided they would go through with the expedition. They had to, after all, considering they were operating on a very short amount of time.

Both Garrus' and Tali's rations were beginning to dip into the red zone, so the discovery of this plant was becoming all the more urgent. Looking over at Garrus, she simply gave him a smile, although it wasn't returned.

"Thanks. It seemed like they were getting heavier and heavier."

The Turian's expression became somewhat annoyed as he shook his head, setting the crate down with the others.

"From what I understand, you shouldn't be carrying anything over ten pounds."

Shepard instantly noticed the tone of his voice was a little less than positive. Straightening herself up, she couldn't help but inquire about his sour mood.

"Are you okay?"

"No, I'm not."

He scowled as he spoke, before turning his attention to taking inventory of the crates they had gathered.

"When I'm gone, are you going to continue to go against the doctor's orders, and putting our child in harms way?"

His foul attitude began to infect Shepard's somewhat as her brow furrowed in frustration, marching around him to get his attention, he looked up at her from the crates.

"This isn't about me is it?"

Ziva had a feeling that his bad mood wasn't because of anything she did. She just happened to be the one he was taking it out on. Examining his face, she let out a sigh.

"This is about Chakwas not being able to do the ultrasound today, isn't it?"

Garrus let out something of a groan as he simply nodded his head. It was funny how well she had him figured out. He paused for a moment as he exhaled deeply, attempting to calm his nerves for a moment.

"Did she even give a reason why she couldn't do it? Or is it because she just didn't want to?"

"The machine she uses to perform the procedure isn't functioning at the moment. She said she would get it up as soon as she could."

"Oh really? Is that why she is taking a walk with Adams?

Garrus asked as he pointed behind them so Shepard could look at the two just taking a stroll. To him it seemed like Chakwas was taking every opportunity to avoid her responsibilities, but to Shepard she was doing what most were doing in these dire times, and that was enjoying the little things.

Sighing, Ziva looked back over to Garrus.

"Garrus, everyone deserves a break, even if their not calibrating..."

He let out another growl of frustration as he threw his hands up. He wasn't sure if she was attempting a joke to lighten the mood, or if the calibrations comment was sincere. Either way, he wasn't in the mood for excuses.

Letting out a groan as he took a seat on one of the crates, hunching over as he pinched between his eyes with his thumb and forefinger.

"It's just... aggravating. Here we are going to risk our lives to try and save them... us, and the only thing I want to do is see my child. Is that so much to ask?"

Ziva's expression softened, taking a seat next to him as she rested a hand on his shoulder, giving it a slight squeeze. As Garrus finally raised his head up to look at her, she gave him a soft smile. She could understand his frustrations, he definitely had more on his plate than anyone else at this point. As much as he was putting his neck out simply for the sake of the crew, she couldn't blame him for being slightly agitated at denying him the one thing he had asked for in return.

As she went to speak, however, she was suddenly cut off by the every growing noise of someone yelling. Both of them couldn't help but turn their attention to the approaching Gabby and Kenneth as they marched along the grounds, arguing the entire way.

"DAMN WOMAN! I'm going and there is nothing you can do about it."

"Keneth you can't be serious. We need you down in that enginering room or... or..."

"Or what?"

Gabby just stared at Ken with her mouth gaped. She honestly couldn't think of any consequence that would lead him to change his mind. Closing her eyes she folded her arms across her chest and stomped her foot on the ground.

"Or, I'm just going to have to go with you."

Gabby finally managed to march her way in front of Kenneth, standing in front of him in defiance as she managed to stop him in his tracks. Ken could only roll his eyes as he let out a heavy sigh at this point.

"You can't be serious."

"And why not?"

"Cause you are a woman, and you'd be distracting."

Ken's remark caused Gabby to look at him somewhat oddly. She couldn't help but wonder in what sense being a woman would be a distraction in this situation. It didn't seem to be a distraction in any other aspect of their duties, why would it matter now?

"But Tali is a woman and she's going."

"Is she? I mean sure her suit presents her as such but you never know what could be under there."

Gabby seemed caught off guard by his comment, even stuttering for a moment as she attempted to respond to him. Kenneth, however, took her moment of hesitation as an opportunity, and simply turned and walked back the way they had just came.

"KENNETH!"

With Kenneth continuing to march off unimpeded, his place was soon taken by Commander Shepard as she approached the distraught engineer with Garrus in tow.

"Gabby, this is probably one of those men things where they have to do it to prove something to themselves. I mean come on he was pretty much a shadow in that enginering room. Tali was better then him, you're better then him, Adams is better then everyone."

Ziva could understand the girl's distress. Basically having the one person she's been with and working around for all these years to suddenly be put in direct danger is never an easy thing to cope with. The feeling of hopelessness that comes with the situation was none the more comforting either.

"He just wants this one moment to himself you know?"

"Shepard, usually men prove themselves through combat, not by-"

Just as Garrus began to speak up, he was suddenly cut short by a sudden piercing pain searing through his sternum as Shepard quickly stuffed her elbow into Garrus' chest. He let out a bit of a groan as he took a step back, knowing when to take a hint and deciding it be better to keep his opinions to himself in this case.

"You don't think they will see any action?"

The hope in Gabby's voice was already evident as her eyes seemed to light up slightly. Shepard couldn't help but smile at her as she simply shook her head.

"I'm sure the worst thing that they will come across are Ontarom Beetles."

With hope seemingly restored in Gabby, she simply nodded toward Shepard before she took off on her own, following after Kenneth. Shepard couldn't help but laugh slightly as she watched her go, and couldn't help but take notice of the slight spring in her step. It warmed her heart slightly knowing that hope hadn't been completely lost amongst the crew during their time being stranded.

As Shepard became lost in her own thoughts, however, she hadn't even noticed Tali approaching her as the Quarian followed her gaze while Gabby continued on.

"Shepard, why did you lie to her?"

Shepard seemed to be snapped back to reality by Tali's voice, instantly turning her attention to her as she stammered slightly, seeming somewhat caught off guard by her sudden appearance.

"Tali, you have to understand. Sometimes saying what someone wants to hear is better then telling them the truth. Besides for all we know that is exactly what's out there."

Garrus finally managed to recover enough to return to the conversation with a groan, rubbing his chest a little as he approached Shepard, and Tali as well.

"Did you really have to elbow me?"

Shepard simply gave him this innocent look as she shrugged at him.

"Well if I put my hand over your mouth that would be a little too obvious now wouldn't it?'

"Ziva there are others way to keep someone quiet."

"Oh I know, but none of them were appropriate."

A silence quickly filled the air surrounding the three as Garrus simply stared at Shepard for a moment, his mouth slightly agape as she returned his stare with somewhat of a raised eyebrow. His eyes soon began to wonder around as he seemed to be at a loss for words. If a Turian could blush, Shepard was sure he would be now. Tali, on the other hand, couldn't help but feel to move the conversation along in another direction.

"I have to ask, who's having a baby?"

Tali's attempt at breaking the silence seemed to have failed miserably as now both Shepard and Garrus found themselves speechless, staring at each other with jaws hung open.

The first obvious question that sprang to mind was how had Tali even found out about something like that? The only people that knew she was pregnant were herself, Garrus, and Chakwas. Furthermore, how was she to even answer Tali's question? Should she just outright tell the Quarian this secret they had been keeping from the crew? Would this be the best time to reveal something so monumental while their situation was on such a shaky foundation? If the information had already leaked out, however, how much longer could they keep it under wraps anyhow?

Ultimately, Shepard decided to handle the situation the best way she knew how: telling the truth. But just as she began to reply to Tali, she was once again cut off by an intruding voice, this time by one she never thought she'd be so happy to hear calling after her.

"Hey Shepard!"

Shepard was almost smiling from ear to ear in relief as she looked over to see Kaidan trying to wave her over in his direction.

"Coming! Excuse me..."

Without any further hesitation, Shepard began to make her way over toward the Major, moving as quickly as she could without taking off in a mad sprint away from the entire situation. She was stopped rather abruptly, however, when she felt someone grab at her arm, turning to see Garrus with a look of pure desperation on his face.

"You can't just leave me here to-"

She didn't even let Garrus finish before she managed to worm her arm out of Garrus' grasp and continue on her way towards Kaidan.

Garrus almost reached out to her as she strutted away, almost as if she was his last fleeting hope in some dire situation. Turning his attention back to the curious Quarian, who was now facing Garrus as her glowing eyes stared at him through the foggy purple glass of her visor.

All Garrus could do was stare back as more of that awkward silence hung in the air. Tali seemed as if she was some thirsty beast, her thirst for knowledge only to be quenched with the answer to the bombshell she dropped only moments ago. Instead of answering, Garrus chose to do what any good soldier would do in a moment where he knew there was no possible good outcome: retreat.

"I'm going to see what Kaidan wants."

Without another word, Garrus turned his gaze back forward, seeing Shepard was long gone at this point. So he chose to follow in her footsteps, leaving Tali standing by herself, feeling a little bit more than puzzled.

* * *

><p>When Shepard caught up to Kaidan, they began to walk away from the compound, Kaidan obviously wanting some privacy for this supposed conversation they were going to have.<p>

With everything else among the crew growing somewhat hectic as they prepared for the excavation, she couldn't help but wonder what would be so urgent. By this point, Ziva usually had an idea of whatever business Kaidan had with her, but this time, she felt completely in the dark.

"What's going on?"

Shepard asked as she matched Kaidan's pace.

"Apparently we're not the only ones on this planet Shepard."

Kaidan's bluntness seemed to catch Shepard off guard, even causing her to step back a bit as she just tried to absorb what he had just said. Undoubtedly, he meant more than just the natural wildlife that was inhabiting the planet.

"There are... "others?""

Garrus had just managed to hear the tail end of the conversation as he came walking up to the duo, taking his place next to Shepard as he decided to insert himself in on the discussion.

"How exactly do you know about this Kaidan?"

Kaidan hesitated for a moment, more contemplating on how he should answer their questions.

An obvious option was to simply be upfront and tell her about how Vega had snuck off and encountered a girl while investigating a unauthorized part of the planet. But, Vega had actually managed to be useful to him for once. The least he could do was keep him out of hot water. Just this once.

"I sent James on a secret expedition last night. Down to a gully we had discovered before I canceled any further scouting."

When the words came out of Kaidan's mouth, Shepard and Garrus both looked at him oddly. They were both under the impression that James was under the weather, though Shepard had something of a hunch that it was all a ruse, but to hear that it was actually true didn't sit quite well with either of them.

"So, he wasn't sick?"

Garrus asked curiously as he looked over at Kaidan. James Vega would exaggerate, but to up and lie, especially to him? It didn't sound like the James Vega he knew.

"No..."

"And why wasn't I told about any of this?"

Ziva folded her arms across her chest as she spoke. It was Alliance military rule to report any findings to your commanding officer, so despite this being a direct disobey of the Major's orders, keeping something to oneself in this situation isn't a good way to ensure their survival. Kaidan, however, simply shrugged as he responded.

"Why tell you if there wasn't anything to tell?"

Garrus' brow furrowed slightly at Kaidan's response. It came off somewhat sarcastic, if not downright disrespectful. Even if the abandoned settlement seemed like nothing at first glance, the discovery of these structures was monumental in of itself, to hide or to simply shrug it off as if it were unimportant simply didn't rub Garrus the right way.

"So I'm guessing during this expedition James ran into some trouble?"

"He encountered a human female and she seemed to be hostile from what I could understand, but for all we know James could have egged her on to attacking him."

"By doing what?"

The tone in Shepard's voice sounded somewhat offended as she asked. She knew that James had a bit of a lip on him, but she never would have pegged him to pick a fight, especially with a girl.

"Shepard, when I first met James, he even got under my skin, but in time he grew on me. He's just someone that takes some time in getting use to. So, there is no doubt in my mind that he said something stupid, or inappropriate, even offensive."

Garrus couldn't help but let a small laugh pass as he shook his head slightly. Thinking back on some of the things Vega said to him simply in their early days of knowing one another. It was irritating back then, but now, he could look back on such things fondly.

"True... so did he find anything usefull?"

Kaidan looked away from them a moment as he rubbed the back of his neck. He was tempted to tell her about the food bins he had found, but ultimately decided against it as he displayed a some what disappointed look.

"Unfortunately no, all he found out was that the buildings used to be where slavers kept their prisoners until they could be sold."

"So what do you propose we do?"

"I think that maybe you, James, and I go back down there tomorrow see what else we can dig up. If that girl decides to show up again maybe we can get some answers."

"Unless she brings more people with her then what?"

Garrus was beginning to grow impatient with Kaidan, especially with how lackadaisical he seemed to be handling this entire situation. This was an unknown entity on an unknown planet, every bit of cautionary action was necessary here.

"From what I could piece together, the girl wasn't even armed so the chances that these people actually have fire arms are unlikely."

"Kaidan, she was probably a scout. They aren't going to arm something that is suppose to just bring information back. It's just like when I was cornered at Omega. They sent mechs out just to see how strong my force was before attacking. If I were you, I would be prepared."

Despite Garrus not knowing how much of a mountain he was making out of this molehill, his tone still irked Kaidan. More, due to the fact, that Garrus seemed to be talking down to him, somewhat, as if Kaidan didn't understand basic military strategy. He didn't achieve his rank through luck, after all.

"Garrus, I honestly don't see why this even concerns you. Did Shepard bump you up in rank when I wasn't looking?"

Garrus snarled as his temper began to get the better of him, his mandibles even twitching slightly as he didn't hesitate to immediately step right up to Kaidan, nearly nose to nose with him as he began to poke the Major in his chest.

"It's my business when-"

"Alright you two, that's enough."

Shepard was smart enough to nip this situation in the butt as she forced her arm between the two and forced Garrus away from Kaidan. Anyone with eyes could see that tension has been running high between the two for quite some time now, and letting the situation continue would most likely have just ended in a boxing match.

Instead, Shepard decided to keep the conversation rolling back on track.

"Kaidan, make sure we are prepared for anything tomorrow. I want you, and James to make as good as a map as you can fathom of this place. That way, we can know the layout of the land, and plan accordingly. Garrus, lets go back, and make sure your team is ready to dispatch tomorrow."

"Aye, Aye, Ma'am."

Kaidan saluted his superior, and with nothing more, Shepard and Garrus simply turned and began to walk back the way they had first approached. Garrus couldn't help but let out a sigh after departing, looking over at Ziva as they walked.

"Who's going to be left protecting the ship Shepard?"

"Well there is Liara, Cortez, Joker, who has pretty good aim if I remember right. Then there is my Fenris Mech."

She couldn't help but give Garrus the biggest smile she could. She was quite fond of her robotic pet, and would gladly remind him of that fact at any opportunity she got. Garrus, however, couldn't appreciate the humor in this situation.

"That makes me feel a whole lot better."

Her smile softened slightly as she could hear the concern in his voice. Funny how he was going out into the vast unknown in what a possible suicide mission while she was simply going to investigate some crusty old buildings, yet he was the one more worried about her. Reaching over, she rested her hand on his bicep, rubbing it a little as she gave him a reassuring smile.

"Garrus, everything is going to be fine I promise. Nothing is going to happen. You should realize by now that I can survive anything, even death."

"Well I hope our child has that same determination, because apparently he's going to need it with you carrying him around."

"Garrus..."

Sliding her hand down his arm, she grasped his hand with her own, coaxing him to stop as he turned to face her. Taking his other hand as well, she continued to give him that reassuring smile as she closed the gap between them, the two eventually resting their foreheads together.

She attempted to soothe his nerves as she gently ran her thumbs across the back of his hands, Garrus' eyes being a bit dodgy before his gaze finally found hers, returning her smile ever so slightly.

"Everything is going to be okay, I promise."

Unbeknownst to them, Tali had began to re-approach the couple as she had seen that they had become free of Kaidan. Unfortunately, as she drew nearer, she found them in this rather intimate moment.

Deciding to make her presence known, Tali decided to clear her throat as she continued forward.

"Are you guys going to..."

Tali's voice began to trail off as those gears in her head began to churn. Gradually, she began to piece things together for herself until she had the entire picture in front of her. Within the haze of her visor, her illuminated eyes grew wide as she gasped slightly, her arm raising up as she pointed at the Commander.

"Shepard you're... you're pregnant?"

The twos eyes simply grew wider as Tali voiced her realization. They hesitated to answer her at first, and that was all Tali needed for confirmation, even gasping a little as her suspicions were proved to be true.

Shepard and Garrus now found themselves between a rock and a hard place as Shepard finally turned to face Tali, deciding to tackle this the only way they could at this point.

"Tali, you can't tell any one. Not until we know everything is alright and the baby is healthy."

"Oh, I won't say anything, but I would like to know who the father is."

As Tali inquired, she suddenly drew close to Garrus; almost intimately close in fact, now only mere inches away from his face. Garrus' eyes shifted back and forth for a moment, not quite sure how to react. beside the fact that she was a little too close for comfort, he couldn't understand how incredibly dense she sounded even asking about the father.

"Uhh..."

Seeing an opportunity, Shepard quickly stepped in, placing a hand on Tali's shoulder as she led her away from Garrus for a moment, now beginning to walk her back toward the compound.

"Tali, I really need all available hands getting ready for this expedition, and that includes you."

"But-"

"Thats an order, Tali'Zorah Vas Normandy."

Shepard's tone became somewhat stern as she issued her order. Tali simply let out a dejected sigh as she continued on her way back toward the compound. Shepard let out a sigh of relief herself, even a small laugh passing her lips as not even she could believe how she managed to dodge that bullet. By the time they were done getting everything prepared, Tali should figure out who the father is, if not then finding the plant may not be the only thing plaguing Garrus for the duration of the trip.


	8. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven: Holding Back**

Kaidan stood in the observation deck, running his hand through his hair. Thinking; debating on what he should do next. He knew it was his idea to go explore the slaver compound due to Vega's intel on the woman who he encountered, but that area held more than what Kaidan wanted them to find. If they found food, it would be great since they were beginning to run a bit low. But, if they were to find anything with dextro content, then Garrus would never have to leave. That was just something he wasn't going to let happen. The risk was too steep to jeopardize his whole plan. So, the only option he had laying before him was to stall. But, how could he stall the camp exploration? What could be so devastating enough to stay back and wait for?

Folding his arms over the glass, he closed his eyes and pressed his forehead firmly against his forearm as his hand turned into a tightened fist. No matter how hard he racked his brain, nothing was coming to mind, other than Garrus walking into his crosshairs and him taking the shot. That action alone would lead to certain suspicions that he was trying to avoid. The only way he knew how to stall, was to attack the one thing that would hurt Shepard the most, and that was her heart.

Trying to pull something off with Garrus was out of the question seeing how he wouldn't believe Kaidan in any way shape or form. There was one other person that was close to Shepard, and if something were to happen to him she would be in no condition to go or have the feeling to go on any sort of mission.

Smiling to himself, Kaidan backed away from the window and looked up to the ceiling.

"Joker."

He whispered to himself as his scheme began to unfold itself right before him.

Joker has become a bit unstable since EDI went offline, and seeing how he missed the meeting where Shepard shared what she went through back on Earth, maybe it was best that he knew why his AI girlfriend was no longer with them. Shepard was avoiding him at every turn, not wanting him to really know about her little secret until he became stable. In fact, that's the only reason why no one has told him anything.

* * *

><p>Walking into the cockpit, Kaidan still had the smug smirk on his face. Even his memories of being Jokers "co-pilot" didn't seem to hesitate him any as he insensitivity plopped into the chair to Jokers right. The seat he used to sit in before it was taken over by EDI.<p>

As he got comfortable in the leather seat, Joker looked over at him with an angered expression. He didn't bother to say a word, however, or even comment on Kaidan's obvious disrespectful behavior. Kaidan knew that it was getting under his skin though, and that was all he wanted.

Letting out a relaxing sigh, Kaidan looked over at him with a smile.

"Remember back in the old days, where it was just you and me up here?"

Kaidan looked over at Joker as he seemed to be leaning away from him. At first he thought that he was going to have this conversation on his own, but after a few adjustments in his seat, Joker finally sat up right, straightening his back as his hands held onto the edges of the arm rests.

"I upgraded co-pilots since then."

"No AI can replace genuine human skill though, right?"

Kaidan couldn't help but feel some guilt, he always tried to be friends with Joker or at least find some common ground with him. But, he just didn't have that gift that Shepard possesed. If anything, Joker never even took him seriously.

Letting out a light chuckle, Joker just gave him a passing glare and a roll of the eyes. Obviously Joker's mood had not improved any since they had become stranded. Despite the fact they were trapped on a seemingly uncharted planet, all he could think of was some fembot that got shut off. Already, his irritability was beginning to rub Kaidan wrong.

"So is there a reason why you're here? Or are you here just to bug me?"

Joker didn't even bother to give Kaidan a passing glance as he began to almost mindlessly tap away at the ship's control board. Kaidan couldn't help but feel annoyed at the pilot's pathetic attempt to blow him off because he was simply busy with maintaining the ship. The entire crew knew the only things operational were the lights and comm systems, among other minor systems. This ship wasn't going anywhere no matter how much he pretended what he was doing would even really amount to anything.

"Well, lets be honest, whether I have a reason or not, my presence alone would bug you. Then again, at this point, I think anyone coming up here would annoy you. Just maybe some less than others."

Even from where Kaidan was sitting he could see that annoyed snarl that Joker liked to wear at times. He had to fight a smirk as it was obvious he was far from Joker's favorite person right now. But, thats exactly what he wanted: to just keep digging and digging under his skin until he could push him in the direction he needed the conversation to go. He had to reel it back though; he couldn't annoy Joker to the point to where he would just flat out stop answering him.

"I just came up here because everyone is worried about you. I mean, you come up here, sit in your pilot's chair and... there is no reason to. You coming up here is pointless. I mean you miss out on our meetings and you're just being left behind. You're still apart of this crew, Jeff. Our...family we've built here. You don't need to exile yourself up h-"

"Did it ever occur to you that maybe I want to be left behind? Maybe I don't want to be apart of your crew or your 'family?'"

Joker finally turned his attention to Kaidan, his brow furrowed as his eyes narrowed at the Major. Kaidan was even caught off guard as Joker snapped at him, a bit taken back as he seemed to be at a loss for words for a moment. Joker didn't give him much time to respond before his vision returned to the glowing holograms of the ship's control board. The pilot's attitude was truly beginning to irk Kaidan now, even gritting his teeth a little as he tempted to reign in his temper.

"Just like you did when the Collectors destroyed the Normandy? Even in that scenario it worked out. You know the old saying: The captain always goes down with the ship. That moment, it affected us all, and we all grieved. But, we all moved on in our lives one way or another. Even you went on to fly again. The same applies here. We have to move on."

"But you didn't have to live with the guilt..."

Joker seemed to slowly grind to halt as he muttered to himself. His hands simply hung in the air at the controls as he appeared to be staring off into nothingness. The memory of that event was something that still haunted Joker, even with Shepard being revived.

Even though she assured him that her death wasn't his doing, Joker knew she was just saying what she thought he wanted to hear; anything to try and console him. But, it seemed to be one of many things that Joker simply could not let go.

There was no telling how long Joker had stayed in his stupor as Kaidan simply stared at him. He looked like a man frozen in time, or a Seeker had stung him. He even arched an eyebrow at how odd the pilot was acting.

"Pardon?"

Joker let out a heavy sigh as Kaidan's curiosity snapped him back to reality, shaking his head slightly. The pilot tightly closed his eyes as he slapped his hand onto his face, dragging it down as his anger subsided to just simple annoyance at Kaidan's constant badgering. He slumped back into his seat as his hand finally fell from his face. It wasn't so much Kaidan actually bothering him with questions, it was more the pure pointlessness of what he was asking. Everyone else on the ship seemed to have managed to put two and two together regarding his rather sour outlook on everything. Joker couldn't help but wonder if the Major was really that oblivious.

Jeff let his head lazily roll over to finally look at Kaidan, greeting the Major's smirk with the dirtiest snarl he could muster. Normally, one might find his kind of determination admirable. But, as of now, Kaidan was really exercising that quality at the worst time with the worst person. Joker knew this was a test of endurance he had no hope of winning. Kaidan would just keep scratching and clawing and digging until Joker would divulge any and all information Kaidan could want out of him. Joker couldn't help but let out another sigh at that realization.

"So what got you to the rank of a major anyways? Your persistence, or your pure density? 'Cause I could see how being too stupid to quit could be a valuable quality in a person."

Kaidan could notice he was finally breaking through Joker's wall, but his comment still couldn't stop from wiping the smirk from the Major's face. Whether Joker realized it or not, he was starting to test Kaidan's patience as much as he was testing Joker's.

"Hey, I have my guilt too you know. If I would have went with Ziva to get you, maybe we could have all made it out. Maybe she could have made it out alright. But, instead, I followed orders. You don't think for one second that I don't think back on that moment, and wonder what would have happened if I followed my gut instead of orders? Or how, maybe, I could have took my head out of my ass for one second on Horizon, and helped Shepard instead of questioning her motives?"

His tone was becoming harsher the more he spoke, finally rising out of the co-pilot's chair as it appeared he was beginning to take his leave. Although, making sure to do it as slow as possible as he took long, slow strides as we walked, eventually making his way around Joker's seat as the pilot didn't bother to turn to see him leave. Kaidan's strides lead him behind Joker's chair itself, staring into the back of the seat as if he were still looking upon the pilot himself. Joker could even still feel the man's eyes upon him with his back turned to him.

"We all have guilt Joker, you're not the only one. So, I suggest you stop having this pity party for yourself, and start doing something productive instead of sitting at the helm of a dead ship, hoping that your robot girl friend is just going to magically return to you. We all know that she's dead, shut off, or however you want to put it, along with every other synthetic lifeform in the universe. And, it was all because of the one woman that made you feel guilty for not following orders. Shepard forgave you a long time ago, so don't you think its time you forgiven yourself?"

Kaidan finally wasted no time as he continued to take his leave. He couldn't fight his grin though as he began to count down the seconds, silently moving his mouth as he counted down from five. He had planted the perfect seed; the one he had planned to from the beginning, and he knew Joker wouldn't let it end on that note. If he did, the meaning behind Kaidan's words would drive him insane. He was counting on that man's curiosity to stop him from leaving. The Major's grin only grew when Joker uttered that one word that made him stop in his tracks.

"Wait..."

Still sporting that grin, Kaidan began to slowly, and silently, inch his way backwards. Almost retracing his movements in anticipation of what Joker was going to say next. He knew his plan was all falling together now, and he couldn't help but marvel at his own genius.

Hearing Joker beginning to swivel his chair around, Kaidan followed suit as he quickly spun on his foot to meet the pilot, managing to fight back his visible joy as he returned Joker's puzzled look with a stern stare of his own.

"Are you saying that EDI died because of Shepard?"

There was a hint of a chuckle in Joker's voice as he asked. As if the very thought of any of Shepard's actions would possibly lead to that. His naivety of the entire situation only sweetened this entire experience for Kaidan. he continued, to hold his stern stare, however, as he began to step towards the cockpit once again, his eyes starting wander along this ground, as if Kaidan were trying to gather his thoughts. It was a ruse, however, as Kaidan knew exactly what he wanted to say. This was the easy part of his plan, but it was all necessary for appearances sake.

"Back on Earth, when she reached the Crucible, Shepard had a choice to make. Destroy the Reapers along with all synthetic life, merge synthetics and organics together into some kind of new organism, or to gain control of the Reapers. She chose destroy. Which meant she destroyed the Geth, the Reapers, and EDI... Because, in the end she thought it was the right thing to do."

Joker's puzzled expression only grew more intense as Kaidan explained. Even a small sense of horror could be seen as he desperately tried to see any sign of deceit in the Major's expression. Joker couldn't even begin to wrap his mind around the idea of Shepard even being capable of such actions. She wasn't one to simply throw away the lives of so many just for the benefit of others. Synthetic or otherwise. If anything, he would think she would try and pick the path both parties could have benefited from. Especially at the opportunity to truly bring the galaxy together as one united entity.

"Shepard wouldn't do that. Legion and EDI were people to her. They were much apart of this crew as any Non-Synthetic. Or, can you not be made of metal to be part of this family? If so, then these leg braces kind of knock me out of the family tree."

Kaidan held stern, not reacting to Joker's attempt at humor even in the slightest. He had to keep the pressure on. he could see it in the man's eyes how close he was to breaking, and that's exactly what Kaidan needed.

"She makes decisions where everyone can benefit from it. She wants to make sure the entire galaxy is happy, not just..."

Joker didn't bother to finish his thought, as Kaidan's stare shifted into something of a glare, as his piercing brown eyes nearly bore a hole through Joker. The pilots words couldn't help but take Kaidan's mind elsewhere as the mentioning of Shepard's reluctance to sacrifice for the supposed greater good. It instantly sparked memories of her encounter with the Bartarians. The situation then and the one with the Reapers aren't too unalike. And in both situations, Shepard did what she felt would benefit the majority more than the minority. Joker's ignorance of Shepard's actions were almost comical at this point.

"She didn't think it was right to make a choice that would change everyones way of life without their consent."

Kaidan began to play to Joker's sense of reason now, other than simply trying to cut him down.

"Ziva knew that the majority wouldn't love or even warm up to the idea of being part synthetic. Just look what it did to Saren, the Illusive Man, and even to her. Sure, it would have worked out for you, because you were in love with a machine that was programmed with a personality that wanted to learn, and that wanted to understand how organics worked. But, you're only one person, not an entire galaxy. Shepard made the choice she felt was right, and the one that would benefit the greater good. Hell, she even risked her own life by shutting down the very synthetics that were used to bring her back from the dead."

Kaidan shook his head at the pilot now. It was his own words that made him begin to realize just how selfish Joker truly was being. He couldn't help but think that if Joker were in Shepard's place, he wouldn't have hesitated to simply combine all synthetics and organics together. The very thought of that kind of selfish, reckless abandonment in a situation like that could almost make his stomach turn.

"Do you remember that AI we encountered on the Citadel? The one that was funneling credits? Because, I do believe you were more than pleased that we got rid of the damn thing. In fact, do you know what the difference between that thing, and EDI was? That computer system didn't have a human form. EDI did, which made her seem more human to you; more alive. That was her goal in the first place when she inhabited that body. So that she could show you the emotions that she so desperately tried to understand. I mean, would you have even pursued a relationship with her if she looked liked a computer system, or a hologram? What if she had continued to look like that blue orb?"

Joker's snarl returned at Kaidan's accusations that he would be so shallow. He knew what he felt for EDI was true, and not something as superficial as having his own personal love bot. That, on top of pinning all this on Shepard all of a sudden started to rub him the wrong way as well.

"You're so full of shit Kaidan. If what you say is true, then why hasn't Shepard come, and talked to me?"

"You're unstable, everyone thinks so, and no one wants to tell you. Hell, no one even wants to come around you. I know you hate me, and that you don't trust me anymore, but... I know you would never keep anything from me, so I can at least respect you enough to do the same. If you don't believe me, ask Shepard, or Chakwas. Ask anyone. Because, everyone on this crew will tell you the same thing."

Kaidan wasted no more time, finally turning back around and marching out the way he had come in, disappearing behind the closing doors as Joker was, once again, left by himself. All of this seemed to hit him like a mack truck as he slowly swivelled back around in his chair to face the console. His mind raced, desperately trying to comprehend and digest everything that was just poured out into him. It truly put their entire situation on this planet into perspective.

Slowly, the man's eyes rose to the holographic control board in front of him. hesitantly, his hand rose to open a com link, his touch just hovering over the area marked as the "Medical Ward." Was this a call he truly wanted to make? At this point, he couldn't help but feel as if his ignorance soaked misery was more suitable than if anything Kaidan said was true.

He could just let it go. Shut out what Kaidan had said; or simply convince himself it all was a lie. Anything would be better than having to face the fact that Shepard was the reason that, not only were they hopelessly stranded; but he was now stranded without the one person that could make this all bearable.

Joker knew in his heart, that he couldn't pretend to live a life in a lie. It wasn't him. It wasn't who he would ever want to be. So, finally, he tapped the command at his console, and eagerly waited a reply from the only other person who he truly trusted.

* * *

><p>The crew of the Normandy always had a certain air about them, no matter the situation. Through their trials together, they had become such a tight knit group that it seemed like nothing could deter them. Even when they were faced with a seemingly helpless challenge of trying to survive on this new, Pandora's box of a planet, one could still feel the unity amongst the crew. But, now it seemed they had finally found their breaking point, when one of their own decided to take their own life.<p>

No longer was the dead husk of the Normandy a hustle and bustle of cooperating team mates, striving together to achieve what some would call an impossible goal. The once normally chatter filled air was now replaced with an eerie silence. For the first time since they arrived, there was truly a sense of hopelessness amongst them.

The Captain herself hadn't left her quarters since she learned of the incident. She was in such a stupor, it had felt like days since she had even moved from her bed at all, simply staring off into nothingness as her eyes never seemed to leave the floor, nothing but blankness occupying her mind. She wasn't sure what to think, or what she could even possibly say to the rest of the crew. All she knew at this point was greif. Not only for the death that took place, but a feeling of responsibility for the entire situation.

When Chakwas gave them the news and handed Ziva the short note from her beloved pilot, her heart instantly sank to the pit of her stomach, and that's when she knew that his death was no accident. She couldn't shake this feeling like she had personally murdered him; like she had placed some parasite in him that just ate him from the inside out, until he could no longer bare it.

Wiping her nose with her sleeve she heard her bedroom door open. Her eyes stayed locked into the same position they had been in for quite some time now, trying to pay the intruder no mind. The person didn't even make it fully through the door, however, before she just felt an overwhelming compulsion to blurt out something.

"It's my fault. His death is on my hands, and no matter how many times I wash them..."

Extending her fingers out, Ziva examined her hands looking at them in a completely different light, almost as if they were weapons of genocide themselves before closing them into tight fist.

She has killed so many people, but none of them had hit her as hard as this. She hurt him. Tortured him emotionally, to the point where he couldn't take it any more. He looked for an escaped, and he found it through a pistol.

"His blood will always remain; staining them."

Her eyes began to swell as she tried to swallow everything back. How could she have done that to him without even knowing it? She always said she would talk to him and explain everything; try to make things right. But, it would appear she waited to long.

She began to wonder that maybe deep down inside that she blamed him for her death during the Collectors attack, and that maybe, self consciously Ziva wanted Joker to suffer as she did. By making him lose everything like she did. Just so he could understand her pain and suffering.

"It's not your fault, Shepard. We all knew that Joker had been a bit off ever since we crashed. He was capable of doing anything, and no one could have guessed he would have done something this drastic. His ship was destroyed, and his partner in crime was... disabled. All the while, we're stranded so far from home. Going through something like that, all at once, it wouldn't be easy on anyone."

"But, none of it would have happened if it wasn't for me."

Her voice played at his heartstrings, but he knew if he tried to comfort her now she would only push him away, and no matter how hard he tried to reasoning with her or tried to have her believe that it wasn't her fault, her grief driven mind would just convince her of the opposite.

Leaning against the metal post that began the outline of her office, he began to contemplate what he should do.

"Maybe it would be best if we held off on the expedition, just until y-"

"No."

Her tone was surprisingly stern as she interrupted him.

"The more you wait, the less time you'll have to look for the Euphorbiaceae. Our time is too valuable to waste, isn't it obvious?"

"Shepard..."

Garrus kept his own tone calm as he began to make his way toward her.

"NO!"

The sudden boom of her voice made him stop in his tracks as her blue eyes met his. Her expression was like stone. Like her emotions had flipped a switch, going from remorse to that of seriousness and anger.

"If you stay, you'll die. Then, not only will Joker's blood be on my hands, but yours will be too. I can't have that... I refuse to have that."

Cautiously, Garrus continued to inch forward, reaching out to put a hand on Shepard's shoulder.

"I can't in all good consciousness leave you like this, Shepard. Your current state of mind isn't healthy."

Shepard batted his hand away and stood up so they were only inches from each other. If she were any taller, they would have been nose to nose.

"Fine, Vakarian. If you won't do as I say as your girlfriend..."

Garrus' face became stern as he could see where this was going. He went to poke a talon to her chest but she batted that away as well.

"Then as your commanding officer..."

"Don't you dare pull your rank on me, Shepard."

A silence hung in the air for a moment, both of them un-moving, their eyes locked and unflinching. It was truly a meeting of the unstoppable force against the immovable object.

"I ORDER you, to go."

Garrus' nostrils flared as her eyes never left his. He goes to say something, but ultimately decided against it. But he made sure to communicate that he wasn't happy by letting out a growl of frustration as he turned on his heels and left her room. Their room.

He could feel her gaze burning a hole in his back, but once outside her door, there were a pair of eyes he'd rather not make contact with. Standing before him was a man he didn't want to see, especially during the current state of affairs.

"What could you possibly want at a time like this?"

Kaidan lowered his head before stepping away from the wall he was leaning against. Rubbing his neck, he seemed nervous, but that is what he wanted Garrus to believe.

Clearing his throat, the Major finally looked back up at Garrus, swallowing a bit knowing he had to choose his words carefully.

"I was asked by some of the crew to come up here and check on how she was doing. I heard you two... "talking" in there, and decided to give you your space."

Garrus scoffed knowing damn well that Kaidan was the type nowadays that would take any opportunity to play the hero, especially when it came to Shepard. To even think he changed now was almost laughable. Then again, it was sort of sad that Kaidan was no longer the stand up guy that Garrus thought he was.

"Something like that has never stopped you from interrupting us before. If anything, I'm surprised you didn't take the opportunity to stick your nose in our business, or try and play... what is it you humans call yourselves when a woman is in trouble? The knight in black armor during all this...mess.."

Sighing, Kaidan scratched the back of his head, realizing that this was going to be more difficult than he anticipated. The best plan of action now would be to play into Garrus. Let him think he knows what is best; almost like he was coming up with the ideas, and, above all else, try and not laugh at his attempt at human terminology.

"I know you want to stay and be here for Shepard while she is grieving, but deep down, you must know that what she really needs is some space. Especially since she's placed the blame on herself."

Kaidan hesitated for a moment, giving Garrus a moment to reply if he wanted. If anything, he could use whatever Garrus might say to gauge how well his tactic was working. But, when he was only met with silence, he felt it best to probably try and keep up the pressure.

"She's right, you know. About you going on your expedition with Tali. It will make her feel better knowing that you're working on something that can benefit you, her, and some of the crew mates in the long run. You sitting around here, patting her on the back trying to console her while you wither away isn't going to help her, or anyone for that matter."

Kaidan finally got a response out of Garrus as he smirked, cocking an eyebrow at the Major as he folded his arms across his chest.

"So, if that's the case, then I'm guessing it's best for her to continue on scouting? To try and keep her mind off of things?"

Everything about his tone let Kaidan know he wasn't buying what he said that easily. He was suspicious of him; and in a weird sense, he had every right to be. That was Kaidan's own fault for letting his feelings get the better of him and lashing out in the past. It's only come to bite him in the ass now. But, Kaidan had to stay firm. He had made it this far in his plan, and he'd be damned if a Turian was going to be a monkey wrench in all this.

"No, Shepard needs some time to herself. Time to let everything sink in and think. Eventually, she'll realize that Joker made his choice on his own, and not because of her forcing his hand. We all have the choice: to live or die. Joker decided that there wasn't anything left for him to live for anymore. Sort of like Saren. We all know Shepard made the choice she felt was best up on the Crucible, and there was no way everybody in the entire galaxy was going to agree with her. Unfortunately, Joker was one of those people."

Saren had a choice, and Shepard made it clear what his options were. He knew that even if he wanted to redeem himself, he couldn't. Not with the Reaper's hold over him. Not with all the horrible things he had done under their influence, no matter how pure his intentions. So, in the end, he did what he did to benefit everyone. Even himself. Setting himself free.

Garrus' expression seemed to soften as Kaidan continued. For once, it seemed the Major really did have every angle of this situation in mind.

Something about his words didn't seem malicious; that he truly wanted what was best for the crew at this moment. He would have liked to think this whole incident maybe shook Kaidan out of whatever funk he had found himself in since they arrived. But, Garrus never was one for optimism. With a silence once again filling the air between them while Garrus contemplated, however, Kaidan again chose to continue.

"I sent James out to patrol the settlement. I figured it might set her mind at ease knowing that we were still going to follow through on everything we had scheduled, even in her current state of distress. Maybe all this will even help her remember that life goes on, despite the tragedies. You just gotta fight through it."

"Sounds like you have everything under control, Major."

"I'm trying. It's not easy, but I know the crew needs me to be strong, and Shepard needs to know that things can be handled while she's... out of commision. She's always been there to carry us through the toughest of times. I'd say we're long overdue to return the favor"

Garrus continued his stern stare, but reluctantly nodded his head in agreement. Whether or not he could still trust Kaidan, his head seemed to be in the right place.

There was nothing about his plan he could argue with, and his organization of everything was top notch. The only logical next step in front of him was to follow through with the Major's requests. In his gut, he wanted to say something. Maybe some last parting threat. Something of a "you better not be trying to pull something or else," but truly, Garrus didn't feel it appropriate or necessary. Instead, with something of a troubled growl, he simply made his way past the Major, leaving him at Ziva's door as he headed toward the elevator.

Kaidan was almost in astonishment as Garrus left. Almost like he didn't expect for Garrus to actually allow him to follow through with everything he had planned. He'd been so suspicious and stubborn with Kaidan up to this point, it was almost like Garrus had trained himself to call bull on anything Kaidan said. He could almost laugh as he let out a sigh of relief, running a hand through his dark head of hair. It was almost unreal how well everything was now falling into place for him. Both Garrus and Tali were to leave on an expedition that may as well be labelled a suicide mission. James Vega had been sent on some lousy guard duty at the abandoned slave encampment, and Joker was out of the picture permanently. In the end, it left him exactly where he wanted to be: with nothing standing between him and Ziva.


	9. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight: The New Way**

Tali, Garrus, Ken, Beth, and Sarah, have been gone for a few days now. It was something the crew had to adjust to, especially Shepard. Her confident was gone, and the people who she would turn to in his absent were distracted with their own personal expeditions. Rather it be Chakwas spending more time with Adams: Exploring love, or James off protecting a slaver camp that could possibly hold a key to their survival. Everyone was busy.

During this time, Liara had revisioned her settlement. Making it something more simple and practical. Thinking back, Ziva wasn't sure why she approved it. Rather it be Kaidan's confident words singing in her ear, or if it was just to get her Asari friend to leave her alone. She seemed to be doing that a lot lately. Agreeing to things that she didn't even know exactly what she was agreeing to. Just as long as it got the person off her back and she could have those few more minutes of silence.

Shepard found herself thinking a lot, about everything during those moments of silence. The decisions she had made throughout her battle against the Reapers, the people that she had lost, sacrificed, to accomplish what she thought was best. It has even crossed her mind that maybe she should give Kaidan the position of commanding officer, permanently, because she felt she was being incompetent.

She also thought about her relationship with Garrus. They fought, they forgave one another, but taking a step back, she began to feel as though she never fully forgave him. For anything. Perhaps she was just giving in to make things easier just like she was doing now with everyone else.

Ziva loved Garrus, and no matter what happened her love for him would always be there but, when she looked at her stomach, a constant reminder of where their love had lead them, she can't help but still have those feelings of not wanting it. Rather it be the situation they are in now, or something else, that thought is still there.

When they said their goodbyes, Shepard just felt numb. When she hugged Garrus it already felt like she was hugging his corpse. It felt like there was nothing left but those few moments that she had rehearsed so many times in her head that it no longer felt natural.

Afterwards, she insisted they take her Fenris mech with them. Just so they could send it back and forth as a messenger, and even though it has only been a few days, Shepard was expecting it to return at any moment, and deliver her Garrus' dying words.

With Joker gone, and still no word from those gone, Shepard's mind never seems to be at ease anymore. She has become more stressed, while finding herself looking at everyone around her with a sort of wary suspicion.

Shepard stood outside looking over the colony that was starting to form just outside the Normandy. So many were trying to build this society for themselves in hope they could start anew; start over, just erase their past completely. But was that really the smartest and reasonable solution to their current situation? The reapers are gone. There was no reason for them to run anymore. Instead of rebuilding something new, shouldn't they try to get back home, and start rebuilding what they have lost?

Ziva was getting lost in her thoughts and reasonings, she didn't even notice that Kaidan took a stand beside her giving her a sympathetic expression. Ever since Jeff, no one has really tried to talk to her about it, avoiding it at all cost as though she would bite their heads off just for saying his name. Now with Garrus gone on top of it, it made approaching her seem more like a death sentence.

"It's turning out nicely isn't it?"

Kaidan asked in a joyous tone, in hopes that maybe it would defuse the foul mood that Shepard has been in lately but, it didn't. Instead she spoke underneath her breath.

"This is a mistake…"

While looking at her surroundings, she had realized what exactly she agreed to. She was agreeing that they move on, forget about what they had been through, and what they had fought for. Maybe she should have let Liara keep her Thessia vision. So that every time they would build something it would remind her that she could be rebuilding Thessia, instead of building some knock off that would never hold the real ones prestige.

Maybe if she had done that, this would have been done and over with, but instead she agreed to the continuation. Giving them permission to forget.

The buildings she looked upon now didn't give her hope. Instead they made her sick.

"I want you to stop construction Alenko."

There was no emotion behind Ziva's voice, no question in her tone. It took Kaidan back, even causing him to chuckle a little thinking, hoping, that maybe his commander was joking.

"You can't be serious, Shepard. We have all worked so hard for this. You can't just take this away from them. From us. If you do, you don't only go back on your word, but you take everything from them. Their hope. Their dreams of having a better life. You will make it seem like their hard work was all for nothing. Nothing."

"I want full focus on the Normandy, getting that up and functional again."

His words seemed to go right through her. It was like he didn't say anything to her at all. She went to walk away but, Kaidan grabbed her arm in protest.

"You can't do that. The crew have worked so hard in trying to make a new start for themselves after what happened. To just... put it all aside to work on something that may never be fixed? These people have sacrificed-"

"These people were willing to sacrifice their lives to protect their home worlds, to protect Earth, and now that they have done that they are sacrificing to not go back so they can't reap the benefits? To not have to face what happened? And for what? So they can avoid the ghostly faces of those that they have left behind? This is not our home. This is a fantasy. Just like the Citadel. We have already lost Joker, and we have some of our best people sacrificing their lives for a dextro plant that may or may not even exist, and it might not even matter. Because either way I have signed their death certificate. I want you to ask yourself something, Kaidan. How many more people do you want to lose just for this?"

She gestures behind her with her hand to the buildings that were in front of them. Kaidan looked at what they have accomplished since they crashed landing on the unknown planet. He was proud of it but, he couldn't let Shepard see that, he wasn't in the best position to step on her toes, to take her spot, not just yet. So he knotted his brow, giving her that small sense that he was feeling regret.

"How many more people are you willing to sacrifice? Do you not want to go back to Vancouver, and find out if you parents made it out alive? Do you not want to pay your respects at their funeral or at their graves if they didn't? Or do you just want to hide away here and forget. Live believing that everything and everyone back home is okay, and nothing happened. Is that what you want to do, Major? Because if it is let me tell you something. I have tried to forget, and the more that I try the more ghostly faces I see every time I close my eyes reminding me not to. I will always remember what we did. I will always remember who and what we lost. But I will be damned if I am going to leave people behind cleaning up a mess that I caused."

Shepard stood firmly, her heart racing, her breathing heavied. Taking a step back from Kaidan, She couldn't look at him anymore. Her gaze fell to the ground as she wrapped her arms around herself as the words she just spoke hung above their heads.

Hesitantly, Kaidan took a few steps towards her, cautiously putting his hands on her shoulders before leaning down, tilting his head so he could look upon his commander's face.

"This isn't about you, Shepard. This is about-"

"I know this isn't about me, Kaidan. This is about me wanting to save them from what I go through everyday. I want them to sacrifice those buildings so they can have a chance to see their families again. Rather it be through life or death. I don't want them to have to live with the regrets that I do."

Finally, she looked in his eyes. Her blue tear filled eyes glistened under the sun's rays before she turned and walked away from him. Kaidan watched her leave as he began to feel sorry for her. He could never possibly imagine what she had to deal with everyday but, he would be there for her every step of the way. He just wished that she realized that what him and Liara were doing, is what was best for them, and he would make her see that sooner rather than later.

Sighing, Kaidan scratched the back of his head as he walked back towards Liara, who was supervising and helping the crew build their new lives. Liara heard him coming, and looked over at him with a smile but, the way he was carrying himself made her smile fade away.

"I'm guessing your talk with Shepard didn't go well."

Kaidan shook his head.

"No. It didn't."

He answered with a bit of anger in his voice as he looked at the crew giving everything they have to this idea that they could build a life here, and have a fresh start. Laira examined Kaidan's face as her brow narrowed in curiosity.

"What did she say?"

"She wants us to stop operations-"

He began as he looked at her.

"And focus more on getting the Normandy up and running so we can go home."

Liara's mouth slightly gaped at news as she looked over at what they have accomplished thus far, before looking back to the Major.

"Some of these people don't have homes to go back to, and if they do… They will be going home to a pile of rubble. All they have, all they will ever have is this. A chance to gain something they lost to the reapers. Shepard has to -"

"I know."

Taking a deep breathe, Kaidan thought for a moment about the best way to go about the situation.

"I say we pull out for now. Give Shepard some time to clear her head. She has been through a lot. Probably more than we'll ever know."

"Maybe I could talk to her? Try to reason with her. Perhaps we could come to a compromise."

Compromise. That word alone caused Kaidan to smile internally thinking that maybe there was away they could compromise with Shepard where everyone wins. He was lucky to have Liara on his side, though, it wasn't that hard to convince her after the evidence he had built to support his argument.

"I'll figure something out but-"

Getting an idea, Major Alenko began to walk away from the Asari.

"For now, I wouldn't push her, Liara. If you do that, those buildings will be down faster than that time we took down that Thresher Maw back on Edolus."

James sat at the abandoned slaver settlement, on his one crate he was allowed to bring with him as he let out a heavy sigh. He honestly saw no point in guarding the place, especially when he wasn't allowed to disturb anything until Shepard was back to her normal emotional state. To James however, she was already in a normal emotional state especially with what had happened to her best friend. Her rock. She was grieving. That was normal, and with Garrus gone... it didn't make anything any easier on her.

Shaking his head, he dragged his hand down his face a bit frustrated before picking up his canteen of water. When he took a drink from it, he heard a cracking trig in the distance. Slowly and cautiously, he began to lower the canteen, acting as casual as possible as he glanced up to take a look at his surroundings without looking conspicuous.

When he finally looked up, he was suddenly face to face with an upside down Layna. It startled him, almost causing him to fall backwards off his resting place, and spill his water. Which made the girl giggle.

"For being a warrior, one would think you wouldn't startle so easily."

Laughing slightly, James collected himself: Not wanting to show how much he enjoyed the fact his sparring partner had taken an interest in him.

" I see someone has been doing their research. I have to say I'm flattered."

As he looked at her, James watched as she took something out of one of the pouches that hung around the belt she had around her waist, before she unwrapped her legs from the branch that hung above his head.

When she landing on her feet in front of him, she took a step towards him as she fiddled with what she had in her hand.

"All I know is your rank, ID number, and that you were stationed with the Normandy. Which are just some of the things that our researcher found out while looking at your..."

She hesitated a moment, trying to remember what he had called them when they first met.

"Tags. James."

Holding them out to him, she still admired them for she has never seen anything so shiny and beautiful. Not even the books she had read were able to describe or mention something so unique.

"I'm sorry that I took them."

Smiling at the girl, James reached out and retrieved his dog tags. As he brought them to him, he bounced them in his hand a couple times before he looked at them, and began to think of the question that Shepard had asked him once: Do they still hold meaning?

On this planet, it seemed like they didn't. None of the natives would understand what they meant to them, and they were mainly used to identify people who had died in a way that left them unrecognizable.

"It's okay. You were curious and wanted to know more about who you came in contact with. I would have done the same if I was in your shoes."

Raising an eyebrow, Layna was a bit confused on the tone he was using with her. When they were fighting, he had a laugh about him, a humor she couldn't quite describe. But now his childlike demeanor was gone, and his voice was filled with sorrow.

Tilting her head at him she wondered if something had happened.

"Are you alright?"

Looking at the small framed girl, James couldn't help but begin to laugh. It's been awhile since anyone has asked him if he was okay. In fact, he was a bit surprised that he had to hear it from a complete stranger.

"I'll be fine. It's just…

Trailing off a bit, he scratched the top of his head wondering how much he should actually tell her, because he still wasn't quite sure if she was friend or foe. Then again, if she was a foe he'd imagine that right now he would be surrounded by her people and taking in by force for questioning.

Sighing, he decided to test the waters, because who better to be open with than a complete stranger, right?

"One of our own decided to end their life."

"Oh… Did he feel like he was no longer useful?"

In her colony it wasn't uncommon for one to take their own life. Rather it be a pure blood who couldn't live up to his expectations, or a non pure blood who was deemed useless.

Her response sort of baffled the soldier, as he knotted his brow not really sure how to explain it to her. Even now she has confused him on how he should answer.

"No, well... Maybe?"

"Could he not do what was expected of him? Was he cast down as useless?"

Vega began to get more confused and began to wonder what category Joker would fall into. Sure he had Vrolik Syndrome, but he didn't let that stop him from going above and beyond his call of duty. The crew respected him and his ability as a pilot. His attitude however, was something of an acquired taste but, as far as being cast down as useless eh… That could be debatable.

Thinking more about the matter, James realized he was making things way too complicated.

"Heh. Leave it to a woman to make me start thinking like one."

He said under his breath but, his words still tickled at Layna's ear but lucky for him, not enough for her to understand what he had said.

"What?"

Her acknowledgment of his spoken words, made Vega clear his throat as he knew he needed to change the subject before he found himself in round two.

"Ahem. It's nothing, but the reason why Jok-Jeff "

He corrected.

"Did what he did was because... he found himself having no reason to live anymore. Everything that he did live for was either destroyed or he feels as though they betrayed him."

Layna began to try and wrap her mind about the reasoning behind the man who took his life as she took a seat next to Vega.

"He took his life, because he was hurting, and not because he wasn't up for the task that was put in front of him?"

This was a weird concept for her to understand. How could a person emotionally hurt another so badly that they would want to die especially when they could still be of use.

"How is that possible?"

It was obvious that Layna wasn't understanding how the real world worked, but what was funny is how the last time they meant they were fighting. Guess in this situation the man moto stayed front and center. You don't like a guy, you take him out back, have a brawl, and after that you become the best of friends and buy each other a round of beers. The only thing missing was the beers.

"Maybe it's time that I ask you a few questions."

Sitting a bit more relaxed, Vega looked over at Layna. He didn't want to talk about the death of his comrade anymore. Instead he wanted to turn his attention on her. This alone made Layna look at him strangely.

"You want to ask questions about me?"

This made Layna chuckle, because to her she was no one he needed to mind with.

"What's so funny? No one has ever taken an interest in you angelito?"

Setting aside his rifle he had to smile at her.

"My people are interested in what I find and what I can provide for them. Other than that…"

She trailed off a bit, wrinkling her nose slightly as she thought of Angra. He shows an interest, an interest she doesn't care for but, that wasn't something this man needed to know.

"They could care less. So why should I assume you are any different?"

"Because I'm not one of your people."

Standing up, Vega looked over at Layna with a smile as he gestured that she take a walk with him.

As he gathered up his things, Layna was a little reluctant at first but, she let her curiosity get the best of her. So she followed, not aware that she was also being followed as well…


End file.
